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He contacted me to hang out...ball is in my court. Am I crazy?

paulapalooza

By paulapalooza
in Getting Back Together

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paulapalooza Enthusiast

paulapalooza

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Well I never thought that this day would come. After about a month of NC/LC my ex sent me a Happy Birthday email. This was subsequent to my sending him a Happy Birthday email (but prior to that, there was NC). The difference between my birthday email (which is all it said) and his birthday email is that he wants to get together to hang out with me.

 

I've decided that I'm not going to respond. I don't really know what I would say. I was thinking of saying something along the lines of...heck I really don't know actually.

 

On that no respond note, am I crazy for not wanting to get together and hang out? Over the course of this whole month, all I wanted for him to do what email/talk/call/sms me and tell me that he wants to get back together with him. Now that the opportunity has arisen, I don't know if I want to capitalize on it. I'm starting to enjoy being single. Do you guys think that ignoring that email ever happened is the appropriate action? Our LC conversations have always been respectful and nice. I have no idea what to do.

 

Paula

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Do you guys think that ignoring that email ever happened is the appropriate action?

 

No. He was kind enough to send you a birthday email and ask you to get together...I don't think ignoring him would be a nice thing to do. Also, I wouldn't suggest being wishy washy with an "I don't know" response. That would be unfair as well, as it might send conflicting signals. If you really don't want to get together with him, then all you have to do is send an email simply thanking him for the birthday wishes and telling him that you would be unable to meet with him as you have a lot of things going on at the moment. However, make sure that you are absolutely sure that you don't care to see him otherwise you may end up regretting blowing him off.

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Shadows Light Veteran

Shadows Light

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You've wanted him to email you... talk to you.. or text you for the past month. He now has... but he wants to jump back to where you were before.

 

BTDT..got the T-shirt. (A very long time ago.. lol.)

 

I think I handled it all wrong.... we did meet and I tried to explain to him that I couldn't go back to where we were, that we needed to go back to square ONE. HE didn't want that... saw it as too much work. Sooooooooo... we never went out again. Too bad, so sad because we were 1st loves for each other.

 

Where did we end up... we live eons from each other. He's unhappily married with children. I'm now divorced. lol. And we see each other once in a blue moon at social functions... that connection is always there and always will be. But NO.. not together.

 

Would I go back today if I had the chance??? ummmm no. My answer would still be the same as it was then... SQUARE ONE... the relationship we had was BROKEN.. we'd changed and grown in different directions. I LOVE the person he was... I don't know the person he is today.

 

How did I handle it wrong??? I don't think I was clear and articulate in explaining what i meant by approaching it from Square One.

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paulapalooza Enthusiast

paulapalooza

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Ok, I wrote him back. This is what I said. Do you guys think that it's ok? I tried to take all of your advice.

 

I would like to hang out with you too, but if this is going to be a "just friends" kind of thing, then I need some more time to be selfish and get back to me. I think that if we hang out now, I would have false hope that we would get back together and I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be the intention of you wanting to meet. When we decide to hang out, things won't be the same right away. When we're ready, we'll have to start from scratch with no expectations. I can't do that right now. Everything is still too fresh and I'm at a point where I feel comfortable being alone and I want to capitalize on that.

 

Maybe in a few months when things aren't so emotional we'll hang out again. I think you're an awesome person and I don't want to lose you as a friend. Maybe we can go snowboarding or something. I bought a Fernie pass, so I'll be out there lots. I'll talk to you again soon,

 

Thanks

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shikashika Mentor

shikashika

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I just hope that he understands. Guys seem to have this tendency to hang out as "friends" and expect everything to be the same. I don't want to come accross as "over it", but I'm not going to be a doormat either.

 

how do you mean 'expect everything to be the same.. you mean as friends? or they still expect to sleep with you?"

 

 

My ex wants to be 'friends'... but right now I'm still to pissed with him even though I want to be mature as you were with your ex... when I calm down a bit maybe I will see..

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paulapalooza Enthusiast

paulapalooza

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how do you mean 'expect everything to be the same.. you mean as friends? or they still expect to sleep with you?"

 

 

My ex wants to be 'friends'... but right now I'm still to pissed with him even though I want to be mature as you were with your ex... when I calm down a bit maybe I will see..

 

I just think that they expect it to be the same with respect to the "hanging out" aspect of the relationship. To answer your question, I think it's more the fun, friend-kind of stuff when you were once in the relationship. I'm not sure if he expects to sleep with me (pfff...as if that's going to happen), but whatever.

 

With respect to your ex, it all depends on how it ended. I once had a bf that cheated on me and still wanted to be friends after (YA FREAKIN' RIGHT). Then there was this ex. We didn't really fight, we never said anything harsh to each other and as well as breakups can go, it actually ended pretty well.

 

Right now, I know I can't hang out with him without the hope that maybe someday we'll get back together. I know for certain that we'll be friends when I don't care if he sleeps with someone else. Until that day comes, we can't hang out.

 

If you like, you can copy and paste my email for yourself . It's not copywrited or anything : )

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