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Can't let yourself get down


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Just to tell everyone a little about my story, vent a little if you will. First off I'm finding enotalone to be very comforting, I've been lingering around this site somewhere between 1 -2 weeks and I'm doing a lot better. So thanks to all of you who post and share their feelings and thoughts.

 

Anyway, I broke up with my ex just under 2 months ago now. I was devastated at first (and still am at times) which I shouldn't be because it's not like I didn't see it coming. All the signs where there – we didn't talk and share our feelings as much, Avoided situations that could potentially create problems, the communications between us just weren't what a healthy relationship should have, we were only intimate with each other about 4 times in the 2 months prior to the break up (that sucked). The more distant we became the more I invested in her, totally the wrong thing to do, it just drove us apart even further. I could keep going on and on but you get the idea. I guess love is TRULY blind. We tried to make it work but there was just no fixing it.

 

So one Sunday night we where watching a movie and she fell asleep.

I guess first off I should explain that she works nights on a rotating schedule and I work an 8 – 5 job, so we only really got to see each other on her days off, after I got off from work and on my days off, before she went to work. So she is used to being up late - usually went to bed around 2:30 am. We weren't officially living together but I stayed at her house almost every single night. It wasn't like that in the beginning she got a new job about 7 months into the relationship. Anyway around 9:30 or so she was sleeping and I just knew it wasn't meant to be so we had "the talk" and mutually decided to break it off.

 

OO it hurt to be apart not talking to her, one week after the break up my uncle died, the week after that my mom's cancer came back. I hit bottom when I found out that she took a date to her cousins wedding that I was supposed to attend. AARRGGG that HURT. I was a mess to say the least.

 

She called me a couple nights after the wedding on the 3rd week of the break up. Her sister "Jen" (who I live with - she happens to be my good buddy's girlfiend that moved in with us, that's how I met my ex) told her how much of a mess I was. It was GREAT talking to her again. As you can imagine I was the typical ex bf, who really missed her, wanted to be with her, and NEEDED her. I never said that I want her back though. Although I probably said some wrong and stupid things it made me fell 10x better talking to her again. Of course, I had to ask her how she was doing and that I new she took a date to the wedding and wondered who it was. Turns out it was her BOSS none the less. I was physically sick to my stomach when I found out who it was. I also found out later that she is currently seeing this piece of s**t. Did the past 14 months mean so little to her that she can replace me in less than a month? I guess sometimes not knowing is the best thing. This is what still eats away at me when I start thinking about her and this guy, of course if it wasn't that it would probably be something else.

 

How ironic that her job is one of the major causes of the break up and the place where she finds a new f***k buddy.– I really pushed her to take this job to further her career thinking that it's what she wanted and would make both of us happier.

 

I haven't talked to her since, it's been 2 weeks today for NC. I doing everything in my will power to NOT find any information out about her. I know that Jenn talks to her about me cause she told me that every time she talks to my ex (her sister) she asks about me and how I'm doing. I can't figure out if she truly still cares about me or if she knows that what she's doing by dating this guy is probably wrong.

 

I think I've turned my first corner on the road to recovery. I've finally given up on getting back together. Not given up so much as accepted that fact that it's over (and for the best) and that my ex is not the person that I'm supposed to be with. I've stopped looking for the "how to win her back" books, Even though I'm still in pain and miss her a lot and probably still love her a little. I've have learned quite a few valuable life lessons, gained a better understanding of who I am, all in all hopefully made me into a better man. For these outcomes, I am thankful.

 

As it was stated in other thread by isle.

 

 

"You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson."

 

I had a list of things that I gained from this breakup but I'll leave it at this for now. I've said enough thanks for hearing me out.

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That's kind of the way i'm taking it! For some reason or another, the "higher powers" wanted to test me. Now that its been almost 2 months I think i'm a stronger BETTER person than I was. I still miss her greately but i'm moving forward and at a good clip even if I do say so myself. I've gained better relationships with my parents and close friends from this and a better understanding of who I am and who I strive to be. If this didn't happen to me i'd still be that arrogant person just sailing though my life.

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I am in the same boat. With the exception that we lived together and I was still madly in love with her. But we had the same schedule, I only saw her when she was sleeping and vise versa. I pushed her to take her new position to further her carrear, I know she wanted it. And one day it was over. We werent communicating. All the signs that you listed. After pushing for some answers, I finnally got the answer of another guy. I am still crying and it has been 2 months, 1 month of living away and of NC. I feel for you and I admire the way you are approaching this.

 

My prayers to your mom and past uncle.

 

It will get better, it is slowly for me, may take a few years, but I see slight improvments. Hang in there.

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