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Received Text - Is it rude not to respond?


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My ex sends me texts a couple of times every week, I never initiate the contact nor do I seldom respond. This afternoon he sent a text, "How was your weekend?" Not to break NC, but I responded graciously because I think it's the proper thing to do. It was a short response and I added "how was yours? I hope it went well." He responded that he was sick for days but even though i was concerned, I no longer responded.

 

Is this ok? Thoughts please.

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I think following the protocol of perceived "social graces" is secondary to the primary concerns after a break-up which are clarity, understanding, and healing and getting to better emotional places.

 

Will a response hinder your progress? Will even reading what he says hinder your progress? Every situation is different but in your case which I am familiar with, I think it is best to stop responding at all.

 

There are far more important intentions here than "keeping up good appearances", "not appearing rude", or "being cordial". Healing and getting past this are priority one...

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I think following the protocol of perceived "social graces" is secondary to the primary concerns after a break-up which are clarity, understanding, and healing and getting to better emotional places.

 

Will a response hinder your progress? Will even reading what he says hinder your progress? Every situation is different but in your case which I am familiar with, I think it is best to stop responding at all.

 

There are far more important intentions here than "keeping up good appearances", "not appearing rude", or "being cordial". Healing and getting past this are priority one...

 

I agree, Frisco. But since she already embarked on the politeness route, I wanted to suggest a way to wrap it up neatly, and then go back into - and stay, if she wants - NC. In this case, it did seem some cordiality might be the more mature thing to do, since he said he was ill for days on end. It probably would have nagged at her to not respond to such a text, so what I suggested was a polite way to do so that also implied she was terminating the conversation. Nothing quite like using the term "take care" to accomplish this, is there?

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Every situation is different but in your case which I am familiar with, I think it is best to stop responding at all.

 

Yeah, social graces or not...what's important here is her healing. You're right. And it does seem like the texts from her ex are hindering that.

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Good news actually. The texts he sent me today really didn't make any impact on my heartbeat, or blood pressure. In fact after I read it, I put the cell phone down, continued to work and forgot about responding for about over an hour. My initial thought was "oh well." Recovering perhaps?

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At some point, things will cease or progress, those are the two paths. Being on what you describe as the "politeness route" leads to the same place as the path of progression with this.

 

Break-ups by their very nature are "rude", plain and simple, regardless of the circumstances, no matter how you wrap them up in "proper" terms or kind words. People will suffer, there will be pain and it is natural to associate ill feelings of some sort towards the person who initiated the break and perceptually caused the pain.

 

He called you and you took 2 days to respond? That could be considered "rude". He wants to take you to dinner "as friends" and you decline? That could be considered "rude". He calls you three times and you don't respond? That could be considered "rude". He calls you and you politely tell him you aren't answering any more of his calls? That could be considered "rude".

 

You see what I'm saying here...it is very easy for one person who wants something from the other to consider any action except giving them exactly what they want when they want it as "rude" and to be hurt by that.

 

Really in my mind the "mature" thing to do is to have the foresight to see and sense these weird situations coming and avoid them altogether immediately for each person's ultimate sake.

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Good news actually. The texts he sent me today really didn't make any impact on my heartbeat, or blood pressure. In fact after I read it, I put the cell phone down, continued to work and forgot about responding for about over an hour. My initial thought was "oh well." Recovering perhaps?

 

At the very least, it's certainly a big step towards recovery. But I would hazard to guess even more! Good for you.

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Good news actually. The texts he sent me today really didn't make any impact on my heartbeat, or blood pressure. In fact after I read it, I put the cell phone down, continued to work and forgot about responding for about over an hour. My initial thought was "oh well." Recovering perhaps?

 

Just by the nature of your post here, I'd say you definitely need some distance with this.

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