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I've been broken up with because there was no spark, or just not compatible.

 

Do you think you can 'make it happen'... especially if someone was chasing me to begin with?

 

"We're not compatible'... or "i don't feel the spark" CAN be a justifiable answer

 

I see sooo many books like 'catch him and keep him' 'get the man you want' 'any man for any woman' bla bla bla.

 

when there are two people who are both good kind honest people with no dishonesty, lying cheating, and good physical chemistry.. but one person feels its just not enough... could the other person have acted differently to change that?

 

its not just a question of saying 'if only' and 'what if this, what if that', but bout reading the persons' emotions correctly.

 

do you think this is something that can be worked on.. some people have a natural abilty to do this ( and are often in happy relationships) and some peopel really have to work at it... (nothing bad about their personality or looks or sex skills)

 

With all these 'books it seems like it IS something that can be worked on... if the answer to the end of a relationship is "we're just not compatible'.

 

if trust, honesty, respect, physical attraction are all there, should the spark automatically be there

 

(think about it... I have good male friends who are all those qualities, but I don't want to go out with them)

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THANKS for asking this question lol,

I will be watching this thread as I wanna know the answer myself,

me, I'm one of those guys.. I have an average looking friend and all the girls love him, and me, I'm an honest person, have good qualities, physically I keep on getting really good comments, but I just can't have that spark!

 

I'm just like one of your good male friends.. lol

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There are skills and attitudes, tactics and strategies that can be used to attract another person to you. If they are not initially attracted, yes, of course, you can do things to reel them in.

 

There are certain requirements for something to work long term, but for the most part, these are simply common interest, values and a common vision or concept as to where you both fit in the relationship.

 

How to do it? Different answers for different people. Read some basics and then think about what you want to do? I'd recommend two thigns to start: read up on body language; and read up on improviing your social skills. Then, I would begin with the simple, neanderthal level books, The Rules, Make Every Girl Want you, stuff by R. Don Steele, Dave Deangelo, then work further up onto theory, Leil Lowndes and Robert Greene. Accept some thing, throw out others. See what works, do only what your morals allow. But live in reality, if it works, how bad can it be?

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One possiblity is that for those who insist on a strong spark at all times - that they are only happy when things are dramatic or exciting while others are content with a spark that was strong in the beginning and then fades some/needs to be reignited.

 

If there was a spark it can be reignited. Sometimes that means giving another person space if you are feeling taken for granted - let them see what it is like to miss you (not to play a game, just to honor the natural "dance of intimacy"). Sometimes it means doing a new activity together or adopting a pet. I remember being re-sparked seeing my then bf directing a backstage crew for a play - just seeing him in a new light, a new context reignited the spark.

 

Sure, for some the spark is always strong, always there, no effort or work involved. For those who don't want to put any effort into reigniting a spark, they likely will leave at the first sign of "boredom" or the blahs. I think it is rare to always feel a strong spark particularly over time. I think it can be fun to reignite it particularly if both of you are game to put the effort in.

 

I don't think a spark can be forced. I have been out with men who are very handsome, charming, intelligent but . ... for whatever reason they left me cold. Made perfect sense to me - sometimes it just isn't there.

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My feeling is true spark or what I call attraction cannot not be created it is either there or it is not. It is not a choice.

 

Sure, there are some people that can act a certain way towards others to make them feel some sort of false attraction but it is not real and it ussually fades.

 

True spark or attraction is natural and very powerful.

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I think it is either there or it isn't, and I think it can either develop into something stronger and lasting, or it can't.

You cannot force what is not there, and while you may be perfect on paper...it does not mean you are right together.

 

Relationships go through cycles, and the spark is not enough without effort to sustain you through tough times, but I will say that connection or bond that you know is there is something that makes it worth the mutual effort to keep that fire burning....

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