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Pissed...


Alabama
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Just ranting and asking. I am tired of being shy. I've been shy that I've known for the past 3 yrs. I'm tired of seeing a girl that interests me and either not doing anything or just not doing something for a long time. But what is a good way to approach a girl out of the blue and not be embarrassed? This happens to me anytime I talk with a girl I like. My heart beats real fast and my body flushes with warmth. I get nervous and don't know what to say at times. I don't freeze, but I get very uncomfortable. I don't want that to happen again. I don't why I get afraid, but I do. I want to talk to this girl on Thursday (she is in my geography class). I chickened out today (Tuesday) but am not going to Thursday. She did a presentation today, so I at least know her first name, so I can call out to her to get her attention. I'm just tired of being afraid.

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Alabama, you fear rejection. Don't worry about it, you will be rejected. This time, maybe not. Everytime, certainly not, at sometime, almost for sure. We all have been, we all will be.

 

But that's not the real issue, the real issue is you need to elarn how to do it. get out right now and do some learning. There is a poster on here DiggityDogg who has written a long post on what to do and not do in many cases. Go read websites like link removed or link removed, writtne for players, but describing useful skills for all men. Learn about body language. If you are sick of being shy, then change it. If you want to know how, follow thes suggestions, ask for more.

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I wish it were that simple. I chickened out again on Thursday, but I've looked her up on facebook and myspace. I know now some information about her, but am still unsure if I want to date now. I'm an RA now, a student, going to stuby aboard in Japan next year, and I work a night shift. It doens't feel like I have to go on dates, but I still want to. I've been trying to stay out of the dating game, but it's getting harder to just deal with it. I want to just live my life and improve myself, but I see this girl, as every other girl, as someone who will fill that void that seems like it's been missing these past few years. Is it this too much to ask for? I know I should work first on not being shy and attempt to build my confidence, but it's like I'm running out of patience for that to happen.

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Alabama, if you work on it, then you'll probably notice results soon after, and a small improvement in your results will cause you to have more confidence, followed by still better results. Now, there is not any one righ time to work on this stuff. Instead, it is stuff you should always work on when you can. It's not enough tough to do, but you need to start. If you start now, "make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey." Your own quote directs you.

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Just do it! That's all I can say. I kind of think that if you get past that first time of doing something you are uncomfortable with or talking to someone who makes you nervous, it becomes easier. Almost like when you go into a new job...The best way to learn is to just jump right in, even if you do get some things wrong. If she rejects you, she rejects you...but at least you can say you tried!

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Listen man tell you what...is your geography class rowed? like are seats positioned in a way that you can sit directly behind her at say an angle?

 

if so try this-- next time you have class go sit behind her. why behind?..first of all (not trying to judge you or anything), but since I don't know your personality and how you would react sitting right next to her, this is the safest approach. (However, it would show a lot of confidence going up and just sitting right beside her..and as you know girls like confidence .

 

You gotta tell yourself this man- theres a lot of girls in the world..don't build yourself up over one girl you dont even know yet. Just tell yourself " what the hell "and go sit by her - whether behind or next to her. then try this..

 

I'm sure in your class you have some kind of exam, project, or homework to do. Because you are in this type of environment asking a question relevant to where you are is always a good start. Also make it an open ended question to start with something like "hey do you know what all is suppose to be on the exam?" instead of "hey do you know what day the exam is?". then afterwards comment on the class "dude this is gonna blow etc." if you find yourself in a deadspot follow with a simple greeting "thanks my name is so so by the way." and directly after ask her "what is your major" etc. etc. to build into other conversations.

 

things you dont wanna do.

1. draw your attention away from her- while shes speaking look at her in the eyes.

2. overplanning your questions- just relax let it flow and be yourself.

 

 

Goodluck!

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Thanks everyone, especially Mr. Jones that advice definitely helped. I finally talked to her and suspected from her body language what I already knew...no attraction was there. I'm a little sad, but have recently started my own little personal journey to improve myself. This was a good time as a test to see if I could talk to cute girls I like...and I can. I'm happy with the way things are now and will work to improve myself, for 2 years, before dating. And at that time, I won't make the same mistakes like I have in the past.

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Part of the reason is because you are getting way too emotionally involved before anything even happens. Of course if you ignore making a move the moment you think a girl is even somewhat attractive then you allow yourself to build her, and "asking her out" to be much more of a deal than it really is. You're actions are taking entirely too long and you're emotions are moving entirely too fast. That's your problem.

 

Plus, if you have little or no experience in asking a girl out, then you are going to be nervous and embarrassed. There's only one way you will avoid feeling that way, and that is to practice! If you keep taking things too slow in your actions but too fast in your mind, you will never get the practice you need. You will waste your own time and decrease your chances of success.

 

Read the link I have in my signiture. It will help you a lot I think.

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man you sound like me but I agree with Diggitydogg and others. do your best to control your emotions and just suck it up and talk to the girl. ask her out. you wont know till you try. I'm gonna suck it up and ask this chick that works near my shop out. Dont know jack about her other than her name and that shes single. but shes kinda flirty with me and real nice. so im gonna give it a shot.

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  • 3 months later...

Um... I'm going through the same thing with a guy in my film class... Honestly I know that DD guy said the problem is you "put these people on a pedesta" but I think if you like the person enough that will eclipse your shyness... honestly.

 

I think the problem is he's shy and he doesnt like the girl all that much so she's not incentive enough for him to go out of his comfort zone... I think if he really really really liked her he would put shyness aside and go for it (the reward would outweigh the risk.) If it's someone your just like "shes pretty and seems nice/cool" but you are shy you won't have incentive enough to risk it and act like a completely different person.

 

Btw you're going to Japan and youre an RA it seems like you have a lot going for you already. Also travel makes you grow as a person so maybe when you get back to the states you'll feel more confident and less shy. Laura

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Try to meet women in places that allow social interaction: at work,supermarkets,the gym.Forget about places like bars,nightclubs etc.Today I had a nice conversation with a girl[i have worked with her before but not lately] at the supermarket and I know I never would have done it[initiated the conversation] if I had seen her at a bar.I am pretty sure she has a boyfriend,so for now she is on the backburner.

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