so confused..

[goodguy78]

Recently, my ex has come back into my life. She was liking this other guy(we've been broken up for almost 5 mths) and was having problems. Being the good guy that i am, i listened to her. I didn't mean for things to progress the way they did, but in the end, we had sex. She fixed the drama she had with this other guy, but he wouldn't call her or text her and it drove her nuts. All weekend i listened to her, meanwhile, shes snuggling up to me at the same time. Some of my friends told me that she was doing this so that way she could still feel "attractive". We have a pretty good time together. However, i have problems with her. She kept getting mad about this guy and would curse about him and be pissy. She doesn't do it as much anymore (its been a couple of weeks) and she has stayed every night with me since then. I listened to her but by then i had started to like her. I told her this and she admitted that she had started to like me too, but she still was into the other guy

 

I figured she just wanted some time. Well a concert came and i wanted to go with her but she already had had plans with him. Her friends have even advised her to let this guy go and give me another chance. Well i went to the concert and he saw me and calls me over. When i went over to the group, she had this look like what are you doing here...I probably shouldn't have went, but i really wanted to see the bands playing. The whole night, the guy ignored her and she admitted to me that she still liked him. Some of her stuff is still at his place and his parents. I advised her that maybe she should get it and she said no. They are still friends or what not. I feel like she still uses this as an excuse to see him which does make me mad. I have been there for her when he wasn't. She recently had to go to the hospital. Who was there for her? Me. He didn't even call her until almost two days later to see how she was doing!

 

My friends are now saying that this girl is playing games and using me. One of her friends called and they even asked if we were getting back together and she said no. When i asked her why she said that, she told me that not everyone needed to know her business because we had a bad breakup and i guess she doesn't know how people will take it if we get back together. She has pretty much cut all contact with her friends and only talks to me. She was recently around one of MY girl friends though and she was nodding and smiling towards me with her but when i asked her what it was about, she said nothing. She told me last night though that she does like me and that she does want to be with me, but that she just wants to get over this other guy first. She still likes him a tiny bit...

 

What should i be doing? Am i doing something wrong? Last night she was supposed to go back to her dorm room and she stopped and decided to stay in my room last night. When i asked her why, she told that she needed someone to wake her up in the morning and that it was because i had bought her candy and she was easily bought. I know i had a look on my face and i was like for real? and she told me no it's because i like your company and then she smiled. This girl is an enigma. I can usually tell when someone is playing with me but her i can't. What should i do?

[sillygurl]

She sounds kind of manipulative, whether or not she means to be, and is manipulating the heck out of you: She likes this other guy, but she's not getting the attention she needs from him, so she's getting it from you. SHe may be a very nice person, who isn't intentionally manipulative, but she also isn't intentionally confusing you, either, yet she is leaving you very confused. See what I mean?

 

Maybe you should take a few days off and figure out what you want from her...do you want to have a relationship with someone who's still so attached to another guy that she has possessions at his house? Would you feel comfortable being in a relationship with her, or would you be constantly wondering if she was going to leave you for him if given the chance?

 

And see how she reacts when you tell her you need time off- does she freak out and find another guy to hang out with constantly? Does she finally end it with the other guy? Base whatever you decide to do on her actions...

[heloladies21]

This girl is sure toying with you and you've set yourself up to get dropped like a bad habit once she gets fully bored with you.

 

You are one of those typical nice guys, which is a misnomer because you guys are actually fake personality guys, and this always leads to getting dumped and/or cheated on. Lemme ask you this, when you hear about this girl liking some other guy, I'm positive you get upset inside. Why don't you tell her this (more on how to do this later).

 

You don't reveal your true emotions and chicks sense this and it pushes them away. #1 they want a man they can respect and not manipulate. They're right too, who wants to be with someone who holds back their emotions?

[heloladies21]

And nobody should blame the girl either, because she's only playing the hand that she's dealt. Everything she's doing is a reaction to the OP's action/inaction.

[majord23]

Everything she's doing is a reaction to the OP's action/inaction.

 

I agree, but that doesn't make her behaviour acceptable or provide a valid excuse for it - so to absolve of her of *any* blame is not justifiable.

 

goodguy, you have to remove yourself from this situation ASAP - you are into her way more than she is into you.

She is keeping her options open because *you* are allowing her to. Let her go and sort out her love-life without your support - because although you may feel you are doing the right thing to get her back, all you ar doing is setting yourself up for more and more heartache.

[goodguy78]

i think you guys might be right. I have told her that i really don't care for the guy..but maybe i have not been upfront and honest. If she likes me then she needs to like me and not be keeping her options open..i think that is right. Maybe she is not meaning to be manipulative, but she is. I am a nice guy but maybe i am too nice and that is the problem. I do have the feeling that she doesn't respect me, but i dont know what to do about that. She talks about other guys and is always like this guy is cute that guy is cute...meanwhile if i mention that a girl is cute she gets mad. Should i just tell her just to stop talking about other guys? That if she wants to be with me then she needs to be with me and quit playing games? it sounds to me like that is what she is doing...

[heloladies21]

Dude, the solution to lack of respect is sticking up for yourself. Whenever something happens that you don't like, say something! That is the 1st step, then you have to work on what you say and how you say it. Something like what's happening to you, I would be mad as hell and she would know about it. I would accuse her of trying to manipulate me. I know it sounds to you like it would be like being a jerk, but it's not. It's telling it like it is, not surpressing your natural emotions and reactions which is what you do.

 

Like if she were to say "That guy's cute", I'd say "Are you freaking serious?" "Do you realize that when you pull stuff ike this, my interest in you goes straight to zero?" "Why don't you go spend some time with him because I'm not interested in wasting my time with someone who's not serious about me." This is the way you should naturally be reacting, but through your life experiences, you've lost your natural ability to do that and this is the result.

[bungalo]

Hey Goodguy,

 

Part of your solution is in how she reacts to the other guy. Take a clue from that. It drives her nuts that he can blow her off. Now you need to start blowing H E R off big time. Regain your power. Girls don't like wimps.

They are turned on by confidence, mystery...not feeling that they've got the guy wrapped around their finger. Show some strength.

[dreamguy]

goodguy78, listen to what other members are saying.

But listening to it is not enough. You need to act !

If you are like me then you will probably nod your head while reading their comments then you would go do the exact opposite and blow your chances of ever having her respect you and love you again.

 

I think there are three types of people in this world when it comes to relationships.

1) Those who have no clue about what to do and how to act.

2) Those who know how to exactly act and they do it.

3) Those who know how to exactly act (by experience or by listening to other people's advice) but they don't do it!

 

I used to belong to the 3rd group. Let me tell you... it's the worst group to belong to. Why ? because when you know what the right thing is and you refrain from doing it this pisses you off much more than when you absolutely have no clue about what's going on.

 

I'm working on becoming part of the 2nd group. It's never too late and you can certainly do it because you're smarter than the average guy since you're here on this forum seeking advice in order to improve your love life.

 

It's time we made use of that precious advice other experienced forum members are giving us. Otherwise their words would just be a waste of hard-disk space on this forum's server

[goodguy78]

actually i saw these responses a little late, but she tried to say this guy invited her to go to a club (the one that she used to like) this weekend and i let her know that i was not happy about it and well it worked cuz she's not going. But i will take all of your advice. Thanks

[SLOWPAIN]

actually i saw these responses a little late, but she tried to say this guy invited her to go to a club (the one that she used to like) this weekend and i let her know that i was not happy about it and well it worked cuz she's not going. But i will take all of your advice. Thanks

 

Hello goodguy78,

 

Please let me know how are you doing with your story from now on, 'cause I'm living currently the same situation as you do (although my story is quite different) and I just don't know what to do, but I know I can't let her go just like that.

 

I know it my man, I'm in that boat too and it's freaking hell!!!

 

I'll try to post my story in the next days so I can get some advice from this great people here (the problem is that my story is kind of long and don't want you to get bored, so I'm working on the short version)

 

Thanks and kind regards to you all.

 

SLWpn