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I no longer have a sister :(


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Hey everyone,

 

I cant believe what im feeling just now, i just feel as tho my world is falling apart People in this world that i thought i was close to just arent the people i thought they were. First my ex left out of the blue, at a time that i thought we were so much in love and had just bought a house together. I got left with the house and bills and he gave me so much heartache that i couldnt possibly describe. Every couple of weeks he would come back telling me how much he loved me, i would fall for it and then he would just drop me again saying that he didnt mean it. That was 7 months ago and ive managed to carry on and be strong regardless.

 

My sister has always been my idol, although she has often revolved herself round her own problems with me being the shoulder to lean on. She decided that she wasnt sure she loved her husband anymore, and started having an affair with someone from work. She told me everything and always went on and on about him. I just used to sit there listening because i felt its not my place to say anything or get involved in any way. They have a young girl together which is the main reason that i dont want to involve myself. Its up to my sister. However, since the affair she has gotten so much into the habit of lying to everyone and everything. She even forgets what she has said to people and starts believing her own lies its that bad. I have to remind her sometimes.

 

Well, on saturday night she was drinking heavily and with 2 very loud mouth girls that she's starting to spend more time with. She gave me a call at 1am giving me so much abuse and shouting at me. Luckily my brother was with me and spoke to her too and heard the way she was. The next day i got more abusive text messages saying that i was twisted and was lying about her drinking. My brother had a huge row with her aswell the next day. I told her that i wanted an apology and she told me to "sing for it". My parents tried to get us talking tonight and she totally patrionised me, talking down to me saying "blah blah blah hen". Bearing in mind this person is 29 years old. I told her that we were finished and she said "good, get lost". This is the first fight we have had since we lived together when she moved out at 20.

 

I feel so sick about it. Why has she done this to me and called me the most disgusting names If that wasnt worse my ex has decided to drive up and down my street with his new girlfriend in the car. I feel like just jumping off the peir. This life and the people in it are so cruel

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You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. You are surrounding yourself with way too much negative energy. The people you are choosing to associate yourself with are way too toxic and dysfunctional. You should start by writing them off. They are not helping you. I think seeing a therapist to figure out why you attract such hurtful people in your life would be immensely helpful to you and be the first step in the right direction for you. Do your family members all fight with each other and talk to each other this way on a regular basis or are they generally loving? If the former, it's no good for you. You need to distance yourself from it so you can gain your perspective and stand on solid ground. And as for your ex. Completley sever ties with him. There is nothing good in that for you. His only wish is to bring you down. It's time for you to start looking out for you! Hugs and best wishes!

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Thank you so much for your reply, i just needed someone to talk to. I just feel so alone in this horrible world just now. My family are very very caring and loving people. We all got on great together although my sister has always been one of an opionated mouth and always thinks that she is better than the rest of us. Its because her and her husband argue so much that she has just became so cold that she doesnt care what she says or what she does to hurt people anymore. She has even admitted that she doesnt care about anyone apart from herself.

 

The most hard thing is that we were so close. I used to go round her house most nights. Now its hard thinking about what our family is going to be like when we cant be in the same room as each other now. Especially with christmas coming up. I know that we will never speak again. I know exactly how she works. Its so sad. Its sometimes hard to think that she's related to the rest of my family.

 

I just dont know what to do. I went to bed at 8 tonight but couldnt sleep. But i feel so sad and down that its the only way i know to drown out the sorrow, by sleeping. Has anyone ever went through this pain? I would appreciate any feedback x

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It's ok to feel like just going to sleep for maybe a day, but then you have to pull yourself together! You need to take a look at the role you played in your relationship with your sister. Sometimes caring about someone means you need to stand firm. You let her dump all her personal garbage on you and never did anything to indicate that it wasn't ok. You gave her the idea that it was ok to disrespect you. That is no excuse for her behavior but you need to put your foot down! I have a brother who I love very much but he has a habit of being loud, obnoxious, overbearing, talking over people, overreacting, etc. and I have had to get pissed at him several times over the years. That's the only way to let these people know that you will not tolerate their behavior. It's up to you! Stand firm and tell her you won't take anymore of her crap! It's time to stick up for yourself! Your family sounds really great and like they love each other but sometimes loving someone means standing your ground! Don't forget that!

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I have seen worse from grown women a lot older than 29. My mothers sister is a complete b*tch and eventually my mother has had to cease all communications with her completely.

 

I understand your sister is someone youve always looked up to and admired as someone whose strong and you can depend on, but also nobody is perfect and she seems to be going through some crazy times herself with her affair and all that. Your brother seems to be a supportive person and I think its best to talk your problems through with him and ignore the sister completely for a while. She may come around later after she realizes the consequences of her actions and gets her self together with her affair problems and drinking problems if she has them. In the mean time, I would avoid contact with her if shes only going to hurt you further and realize that her actions and insults are in no way your fault.

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