Fallout Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Owell...I'm sorry that you decided this...of course his manners are odd if he hasn't had contact with real friends and is extremely shy. But it's your decision and you're busy and all...at least you should hint to the parents about counselling he really should be getting some... good luck. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 good work I hope everything works out Link to comment
Bethany Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 If he wishes to keep in contact' date=' [i']VIA[/i] email and IM, then he can, but not in 'real life'. It's too close for comfort, and we don't really talk at all face to face. If you do choose to tell him this because you want to remain friends, make sure it's not through pity. This guy could be in your life for a very long time.Think of the consequences and do what's best in the long term for everyone, not just him. If I were you I wouldn't ask him if he wants to and hopefully he wouldn't bring it up. Then I'd get the hell out of there. Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 It wouldn't be regular contact you understand. And yes, maybe it is pity . . . I feel a bit cruel . . . oh well! Link to comment
jjgoldenpro Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 well, I think that I would be horrified to be in your position but I do see the guys point of view as I am going into working with children with autism and some with Aspergers Syndrome. To him you are all there is for him and he can only think about you. He doesn't have the reasoning skills that you do so the common logic you are trying to tell him probably will be denied by him and he will continue. It is best for him to move back to Australia and I can't believe how his parents allow him to move here. but then again, I don't know how his parents are. One thing, don't feed the fire. If he is obsessed with you then don't encourage it. Don't say, "I don't mind seeing you but I want you to move back" because all he will hear is " I don't mind seeing you" What he needs is another obsession to focus on. and maybe that can be brought around by you but I'm not sure. I don't know all the ins and outs of Aspergers Syndrome but it seems like it might work. try get him interested in something else. I don't know what else would make it easy for him. He would be prone to suicide if rejected by you totally. He does not act normally in the society and I understand your view. I can see why he might freak you out. someway you have to get him to move back but I don't know how... sorry, was this all a ramble? Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Nah it was pretty coherent actually...she doesn't want to cut all contact with him and that's good...in your experience jjgold how hard is it for someone with asperger's to get over their shyness and anxiety ? Seems to me his parents aren't doing too good of a job dealing with it... Link to comment
Bethany Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I don't know what else would make it easy for him. He would be prone to suicide if rejected by you totally. All the more reason to cut all contact while his parents are still around and before things get to that stage. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 But why take that chance ? His parents can't be near him 24/7...and she said it's ok if she keeps contact online so no reason to hurt his feelings that much.. Link to comment
Bethany Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Would YOU want to be responsible for the stability of someone you pity, for possibly the rest of your life? Think about it. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Geez Bethany...let her help the guy, he's the main victim here let's remember that! She said she doesn't mind talking to him over the internet so why push her away from it? Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 he is NOT the main victim here in my eyes.... She really has no "friendship" with this man who has a mental disorder.... I really think her best bet is to just cut ties completely with him.... or just gradually stop talking to him.... this sort of behavior is not normal, or acceptable!!! Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 22, 2006 Author Share Posted October 22, 2006 Wow, look I caused some sort of argument. I haven't been in touch with him since we met last monday and haven't spoken to him online because I've blocked him, STILL trying to figure out how to put it, how to tell him to go back home. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Well Roxas you don't have to meet him in person but can't you talk to him online like you usually did? I'm sure it would be best for him and you'd just go back to before he came to England. Maverick he has a mental disorder, he can't be held accountable for his actions, so don't put the blame on him please...his mental disorder makes him a victim in my opinion Link to comment
jjgoldenpro Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I've talked to a special needs teacher from college about this and her opinion is to tell him that it's not acceptable. but also tell him what is, so tell him, if he wants to visit he has to call 1 day before he comes. also that he needs to respect your provacy. you'll have to tell him how to do this to...like how you can't always be with him, you have a life and you need alone time. so, tell him it's not right, then tell him what would be okay and see if that helps I guess... From my point of view it sounds like an excellent plan! and don't get mad plz! just explain it firmly with some help from his parents if you can get it Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Maverick he has a mental disorder, he can't be held accountable for his actions, so don't put the blame on him please...his mental disorder makes him a victim in my opinion Are we even sure he has been diagnoised with this disease? Or are we just taking his word for it? Also, there is no reason that she should have to struggle with this if she does not want to... the advice the previous poster posted is VERY good... He hopefully can be reasoned with... good luck, and make sure you DO talk to him!!! I have a feeling that things will get worse before they get better if you simply ignore the problem and hope it disappears...... Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I'm confused, before you said she shouldn't talk to him now that she should. The advice posted above you is good indeed, I said pretty much the same in different words earlier... And she does want to help, she said so herself. And people with mental problems should be helped imo, not disgarded into some institution, forgotten about or ignored... Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 /sigh.... okay... i advocate TALKING to him to let him down easily in order to achieve the end goal of "Not having him a part of your life".. not to become "semi-friends" This is NOT her responsibility to have him in her life.... I don't care if he has a mental condition or not, it is UNWELCOMED (from what I understand). No one should be forced to keep a stalker in their life just for the sake of "being nice". Its not her responsibilty to help him, or try to save him... there are significantly more qualified proffessionals for people who have mental disorders.... if he even has one... Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 24, 2006 Author Share Posted October 24, 2006 Hmm . . . I'm completely and utterly aware that I'm ignoring this situation, and I'm putting off the dreaded email . . . I honestly can't imagine a fate worse than having to deal with this guy for years to come. Still wracking my brain for how to put things in writing without sounding like a super b*tch. I'm not willing to 'help' the guy, per se, as maverick said, there's people who do that for a living, but I wouldn't cut email contact with him completely, IF he went back to australia. If he stays, I won't meet him again, it makes me terribly uncomfortable to sit accross the table from someone who has an obsession with me, as it does my boyfriend. I'm so angry that he's come over to live in England, not just England, my specific town. Did he think his life would just instantly get better? I can't make any logic out of his thinking. I'm also angry at the parents for letting him come here with his crazy ideas. They must be real pushovers. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 Don't be angry at him, and don't analyze he's thinking. He has a mental problem so don't hold him accountable for it...try to be more understanding of the whole situation. Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 25, 2006 Author Share Posted October 25, 2006 Well of course I wouldn't be angry to his face, if your so worried, and I'm sorry, but I can't help but analyze him. I'm not going to think to myself everytime 'he has a mental disorder, he can't help it' because thats close to pity. He needs friends his on own wavelength. He always told me he had friends in Australia, but that they never contacted him. I told him numerous times he should call them, and HE should arrange to go out, but he never listened and just wallowed in self pity. Now he's gone and left them all behind without telling them, selfish. Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 28, 2006 Author Share Posted October 28, 2006 I really need some help with this email . . . This is starting to keep me awake at night (with stress) Not good. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Err...you didn't say what the e-mail was... Link to comment
Helen67 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Roxas...Why are you tearing your hair out over writing to him? I am disgusted with his parents, okay I don't know their reasoning for taking him to your home town, but this is out of your hands. Fair enough he may have a sickness, nobody is arguing with that fact, but his parents should NOT be putting you in this awful situation. I have read your posts Roxas, you are at your wits end! You must confront the parents at present, forget the e-mail to him, you are NOT a professional on how to handle the situation, but his parents are, or should be! This has made me so angry, that an honest well-meaning person like yourself, has been forced into an undeserving dilemma. Personally, I would tell the parents to take him back to Oz, or you will be forced to call in the police for harassment. I'm sorry Fallout, I realise you are trying to help the man, but Roxas is just an innocent, who has been dragged into a helpless situation. All she wants to do is get on with her life. Helen. Link to comment
Axel3sRoxas Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 It's nice for someone to see it from my point of view, Helen, instead of most people feeling sorry for the boy. At the moment I have no way of contacting his parents, unless I were to ring him/email and ask him to put his parents on the phone. I'm having as little contact as possible with him at the moment, hoping he might back off and get the point. He hasnt phoned me since monday (about 10 times). But this is what he does, he settles down for a couple of days, then he starts up again witht he crazyness. My boyfriend's not happy with it, and I want this guy out of my life, but I'm not an intentionally mean person, which is why I'm having trouble planning this email, telling him he should go back to Australia. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Sigh Roxas...I wasn't trying to be mean to you, I asked you before on this thread if you wanted to help him and you said yes...guess it was too much to handle so ok that's your choice. Of course we feel sorry for the boy he has real problems...he's not doing this kowing he hurts people! Look now that you want him out of your life I'm gonna advise you on that...tell it straight to him because he won't get it with that barely keeping contact thing you do...remember he doesn't think like most people do so unless you tell him straight you don't want to talk to him again he won't get it. Link to comment
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