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Appreciate if anyone could share their wisdom.


Heres my situation. I'll put it in point form to make it easier to get the facts together.


Her details:

- Shes older than me by 2 and a half years (shes 29 now).

- We are from different backgrounds and socioeconomic classes. Shes from a poor background and I am from a relatively well off background.

- Shes my 1st gf


Why she broke up with me after 3.5 years:

- My parents never liked her and she knew. My parents forbid me to have anything to do with her. I didnt listen to my parents and continued seeing her but we couldnt do normal activities like going to my home for holidays etc.

- She wanted to have kids and family whereas I wasnt financially able to support that idea.

- She wanted to get married but I needed to get my parents approval. I am from a strictly traditional family. It didnt make any sense to me to destroy my relationship with my parents - I tried to make everyone happy by compromising here and there.


Why I think she stayed with me for so long:

- I loved her and I still do.

- I genuinely cared about her and she knew I was loyal.

- She said I treated her the best. She knew I had a good heart.

- She didnt have anyone else?


When she broke up with me she did it over the phone. I called her to see if she got home safely, just a daily habit of mine. She said she would call me when she got home but she didnt so I called again 1/2 hr later. She then told me that she "didnt have time for me anymore". She told me shes been seeing a guy whos very nice that she met through her friends (which i later found was a lie - they met on the internet) and that she was very sorry and asked me if i was crying. I just told her I had to go. She said she knew she hurt me deeply and felt sorry for me.


She had been pretty cold to me for the past year but there would be moments of warmth. I understood that I put her in a * * * *ty position and felt i deserved her coldness. I tried to compromise by letting her have her way all the time. What I didnt register to me was that I suffered just as much by being torn on both ends of the people I love. I felt I deserved being treated like * * * * by both sides.


When she told me she had been going out with another guy I got very angry at my parents and they realized that they were wrong to judge her. I believed my parents involvement brought out the worst in her. All i asked for was their blessing. (by the way my parents didnt like her cos she was short, not attractive and they had a "bad" feeling about her and they only met her less than 4 times)


The thing is I never felt she was wrong until now. Now I have doubts about her love for me.


I told her that everything was ok with my parents a few weeks after she broke up with me( it took me some time to organize my thoughts and talk with my parents) and would like her to consider giving me another chance. During this time I tried to talk to her nicely and gave her many chances to come back. She was cold to me all that time.


I havent really kept on the NC thing. I keep in contact with her on MSN about once a week. Although shes the one who always initiates contact me now.


Its been 4 months and now on MSN she asked me to go to dinner so we could keep in touch. I've told her that I was still very upset about the break up and didnt think it was a good idea to meet up but she insisted. She tells me how she passed by the places we used to go and how unhappy she is when she thinks about us.


Also she is telling me that her father asked about me and she said that he seems to have a good impression about me... that he likes me. Why would she say that?


I know shes still going out with her bf and i know he treats her well. My question is what does she want from me? She knows I am still depressed about the break up. Could she possibly want to get back together with me?If not why hurt me like this?


Could a girl be in love with 2 guys at the same time?

Can I trust her if she wants to come back after she has had her fun with this other guy?

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If you have any doubt as to her true intentions, best thing to do is to be very upfront and direct with her and ask her "Are you interested in getting back together with me?" Then she will tell you, but one thing is for sure, hanging around in the background until she finally changes her mind simply won't happen. It just doesn't work.

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Can you see her as friends and without being emotional over the break up? My guess is No. Not a good idea to see her yet.


There's no telling what her intentions are at this point. So you should be clear about yours. You want to be friends, tell her this. You want her back, tell her this.


But if you want her back then ask yourself if you are ready to contend with your family because it may be what she needs in order to feel valuable to you. It's not a choice between them and her, but about letting the family know she is important to you.

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