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What, When, How?!


Steve_B
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My girlfriend Sophie has just broken up with me after an amazing year and a half.

 

It all came out of no where, and i have never felt so upset in my whole life.

She said the reason was that she doesn't love me anymore.

I hear this but i do not believe it, i know its true but i do not believe it.

One day she was fine telling me how much she loves me and how much she wants to spend her life with me then the VERY next day she rings me up and says, sorry i don't feel the same anymore...

 

How can this be?! I don't understand, we are perfect together.

I would love to get back together with her but i just know its not going to happen, i kept saying maybe we should meet up in a few weeks and start of slow, but she said i still don't feel any different and we can't meet up in a few weeks or a month or maybe not even a YEAR.

I have lost all faith in trusting people, how can i when this is the second time this has happened?

I can't see how i can ever meet someone new who was as nice as her, i have no way of meeting people. I have no job and nothing to take up my spare time. I want the pain to go away and i want it to go away now.

 

one thing that really did annoy me though was that she lied to me about being pregnant and having a miss carriage, and i went along with it.

 

She doesn't know that i know shes lieing. But her parents over herd her and had the decentcy to ring me and tell me.

For some reason i don't really care that shes lieing, i'm just annoyed shes trying to make excuses to break up.

She says things like "i'll be back one day to fix things"

but i don't want to hear that, it is just making me wait. I have now told her its the end and it was amazing and i shall never forget it.

 

I love her but i don't want to love her. I have been phisically sick, can't sleep, i havn't eaten for 5 days now and well basically im a wreck.

 

I want to find someone else but how?!

 

Sorry for the essay.

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Hi steve. Welcome! Sorry to hear about your heartache. Its tough I know and no words can change the way you feel. It will take time to go away. Believe me - it does get better.

 

First you have to ask yourself (outside of the emotional you) - would you want to be with someone who lies about such serious issues as being pregnant and having a miscarriage?

 

Also it is quite clear from her words and actions that she is not interested in a relationship with you. I know this is hard to hear - but if you really think about it - she is not worth it. She lied to you. Also she is helping her own guilt by saying maybe in the future you will get back together, when she may or may not have any intention of this.

 

You need to concentrate on you now. Forget about her. If you can't sleep, make sure you exercise during the day to help you sleep...listen to some nice music to lull you asleep. If you can't eat - drink smoothies....eat as healthily as you can. Keep busy. Meet friends. Call people up. Make sure you don't have too much time on your hands. Take up a new hobby with a group preferably.

 

You will get through this......finding someone else is further down the path, when you find yourself again.....

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I have lost all faith in trusting people, how can i when this is the second time this has happened?

I can't see how i can ever meet someone new who was as nice as her, i have no way of meeting people. I have no job and nothing to take up my spare time. I want the pain to go away and i want it to go away now.

 

Hi Steve,

 

The feelings that you're experiencing right now are normal feelings after a break-up. It's common to feel as though you lost your faith in trusting people, especially after someone who you thought as very special to you breaks up with you. I think everyone at one time or another has felt that way. With time and space between the break up, those feelings will hopefully pass.

 

In addition, I think it's also a normal feeling to feel as though you won't meet anyone as special as she was. But you will meet other people because life is fluid and quite dynamic. They won't be exactly like her, but they will be special in their own way. Keep the faith on this one.

 

If you don't currently have a way of meeting people, you can change that. You can get a job (which will help increase your self esteem), join some clubs (hiking, rock climbing, or a book club) and spend time with your friends. Exercise! Exercise is not only beneficial to the body, but also the mind. Just put on your sneakers and take a 30 minute walk, just even three times a week.

 

A relationship should never be the sole focus in anyone's life. Go out and carve your own life out to how you want it to be. Get to know yourself and treat yourself well (eat well, sleep well, watch movies, walk/lift weights, go out with your friends....and most importantly, keep the faith).

 

Wishing you happiness,

hosswhispra

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I'm sorry to hear this, but don't think your the only one that is feeling miserable. Chances are, she is too, despite herself being the one to end things. Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do with someone, simply because I didn't feel the 'love' anymore, so don't think that shes completely heartless and shun her.

I don't agree it's for the best to shut her out of your life forever, maybe just for the time being. In the meantime, go out with friends, go to the cinema, go clubbing, drinking, running, anything that makes you happy. Make yourself feel special everyday by treating yourself. Don't worry, it will pass.

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Thanks for the advice. Deep down i know shes not good for me, she is quite immature really and always seeks attention of other guys.

When i was with her i sort of tried to ignore it or maybe even hint her to change.

 

Her birthday is on the 26th, do you think it would be a good idea to maybe try and spark things up again then? maybe send her flowers? Or completely drop her?

 

I wish she would just let me speak to her, i want to hear her voice once again.

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No I don't.... read thread by superdave71. With it being early in your break up, you could stop yourself making all the mistake we all have done. Begging pleading etc. Start NC now and give her what she asked for not what she wants. It will help you heal and find yourself and learn from it all. It's not easy my friend it's a long road i'm still on it with a longway to go yet.

Try and think with your head and not your heart that little voice is very powerful and hurts you more in the long run.

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sorry to hear about your breakup.. it sucks..

 

I think wahat we want to hear is he/she wants you back.

 

i find once you've done your grieveing, he best thing to do is to look at as a learnign experience...look and see what went wrong... and what you can improve upon for next time you meet someone.

 

its nice for everyone to say 'your girlfriend is a jerk' friends and family and notaloners say this to make you feel better... and while the sentiment is nice... I find for me... even though I'm not completely over my ex, if i figure out what i did wrong, then at least i've learnt something out of it.

 

you may not be able to do this for a while, but when you do, it will be better for you.

 

Don't contact her.. its extremly frustating and difficult, but needs to be done.

 

take care xx

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Well, nothing really did go "wrong" it all came out of nowhere...

 

Its so hard to not contact her, i have deleted every pic of her and got rid of her MSN even binned her telephone numbers. (even though i know them all of by heart).

 

She sent me a text saying she wants to hear from me and how i get on with a job, but i replyed saying i can't its too hard.

 

What i want out of this is for her to eventually ring me and ask to meet up. If only i could know if this will happen...

 

But i cant describe how hard it is not to contact her. My chest is in phisicle pain, its burning. I wish i could make her love me again.

 

Looks like i won't say anything to her on her birthday, its so sad to think about it. I got her a car which now i have to sell and a big picture of me and her framed. I miss her so much.

 

My friend has invited me clubbin next week, but i dont really feel up to it...

Everyone tells me i will have no trouble finding someone new, but i just have no confidense at all, its all gone and i need it back!

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Do you think if i diddnt contact her at all she would eventually ring?

 

lots of people say they will eventually... mine never did.. this shocked me too... i think he's a no-balled coward... and that was one of the things i didn't like about him in the relationship... but other things made up for it..

 

don't count on it... but most people say their exes contact him eventually

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I am very sorry that you are going through this. I am going through the same pain. I do want to tell you that each day gets slightly better. I could not eat anything and cried my eyes out everyday for two weeks. I didn't want to go out with my friends or join clubs or date (like everyone tells you to do). I honestly get tired of hearing "join a gym" "go rock climbing". . . If you didn't want to do those things before. . . why would you now? What you do have to do is stop being so hard on yourself. MAKE yourself eat. That will automatically have an effect. Your body is going through a deep depression right now. You need the food and the sleep to survive. I went to my dr. and got sleeping pills actually. May not be the best thing but at least I am eating and sleeping. I still call, email and text my ex who has not spoken to me in 4 weeks. . since the day he broke up with me. He wont respond at all and it is devastating to me. But with each day I am getting better. Instead of calling every day. I may text once every 3 days. I make sure that I cry when I need to, force myself to go out with friends even if I am miserable. I wake up in the morning and tell myself that today is going to be a better day. I know the hurt you are feeling right now. TRUST ME. That is why I am not really giving you advice. Just here to give some support and let you know that you don't have to trust right away or stop being upset. Take each minute by minute, then hour by hour and day by day and go from there. Someone just may shock you. . . and you will love again.

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one thing that really did annoy me though was that she lied to me about being pregnant and having a miss carriage, and i went along with it.

 

She doesn't know that i know shes lieing. But her parents over herd her and had the decentcy to ring me and tell me.

For some reason i don't really care that shes lieing, i'm just annoyed shes trying to make excuses to break up.

She says things like "i'll be back one day to fix things"

but i don't want to hear that, it is just making me wait. I have now told her its the end and it was amazing and i shall never forget it.

 

ask yourself: do you really want to be with a woman who would lie about being pregnant?

 

you sound like a nice, caring man that deserves better. i know it's not what you want to hear. believe me, it doesn't help when my friends tell me that. it's been two and a half weeks since my breakup. try soup, that seems like the only thing i can take down.

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Yeah thanks, i have decided to get my self a job, start getting to learn how to drive.

 

When we where breaking up, she was saying how she wants to feel the love again and how it is in her somewhere.

She says she doesn'y want to be with me right now but someday yes.

She said it could be in a month or whenever becasue she doesnt know how shes gonna feel in the future, i want to do something that will amaze her on her birthday and maybe trigger some thoughts about me.

Maybe send her a letter?

 

If i do send her a letter i wont beg for her back, i will just ask if she wants to start dating again and if not thats fine and how i think it would be a waste to lose something like this, tell her how i have changed and how much more independent i am, telling her that i'm ok with a new job and driving. Then asking her to text or call me on how she feels.

 

If she says yeah we can start dating, then happy days!

But if she says no.... then i dunno what to do..

 

Her birthday is not till another 3 weeks, so thats 3 weeks without contact then suddenly she receives a letter.

 

At the moment this is what i think i should do, who knows in 3 weeks i might feel different. What do you think?

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heres the story, sophie met up with her mate and he was really nice to her, took her to the doctors met up with her straight after she stopped it with me.

 

hes got everything, money, car, job. Hes booked a hotel for just them two on her birthday and gonig to book a holiday together at the end of the month.

 

sophie is a very extremly beautiful woman and the guy who she might bedating isnt really that much to look at (not in a bad way) but she has fell for him becasue of how he has treated her.

 

one of my mates has spoke to her and she has now told her friend that nothing can happen between them two because it will ruin thier friendship. And shes going to give me another try....

 

this is what i wanted ever since the break up.. why do i not feel pleased?

i want to make this work but i cant see it working...

i still love her and im gonna try to make things work. Am i doing the right thing?

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Sorry to hear about your breakup but to say it just came out of knowhere isnt ever the case I'm afraid. I think you probably thought so but slowly over time her interest level in you has fallen and it eventually went below 50% and once its that far down its never coming back. I've learnt this and the things people say dont mean anything. The bottom line is to evaluate her ACTIONS as they portray the real interest. Imagine that person with a mute button presses and see their body language, what they do when they're with you, if they come through on the things they say etc. It helps alot. Bottom line her actions ALL the time. People often say stuff just for the sake of it and it often clouds the real issue. I would move on I'm afraid as from what you mentioned she is a bit screwed up to lie about a pregnancy. She also came accross as quite attention seeking or selfish which isnt a good sign for a long term happiness. Flexible, givers with good attitudes is the kind of women you want to attract for a good partner. I've learnt the hard way and know that this is so true.Hope this helps

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All I can say is you are not alone in your grief. What you mentioned, chest hurting, not beaing able to eat or sleep... I'm going through the exact same thing. Constant sorrow... for 2 weeks now, I have not smiled or laughed and the sadness keeps builing. It is diffcult. You feel paralyzed... you might as well be in a coma.

 

But hang in there! I hope the new found knowledge will feed your anger. Better mad than sad, as they say. Keep your chin up, buddy. Stay strong. I know you'd rather not, but eat something. I bought jugs upon jugs of milk to at least give my body sustenance as I could not even look at food.

 

Stay tough, I will try to do the same.

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