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What am I missing out on?


Caldus
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...if I've only had sex once in my whole life and haven't done it in one in a half years or so? Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? Hehe, just kidding about the second sentence. But seriously, could someone convince me that I am not missing out on too much if I don't get to have it for a while? I guess I am just wanting to feel better about it all. And don't worry, I have been making more of an effort recently to get out there and find a new girlfriend, etc.

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Sex purely for sex truly isn't that great. You'd be surprised how dull it gets and how quickly. "okay, so wanna go get some chicken or something?" lol.

 

Hey, I was 21 when i first had sex. Had lots of sex since then, and can honestly say that it isn't the sex that is 'all that', it is being with someone you care about. Shyte that sounds corny, and i can barely believe it is me saying it, yet that is from my heart.

 

So worry not, my friend. You're not missing out on a thing. You are right on track. ...you'll meet that special girl that makes you all giddy and ridiculously happy with even a kiss...and go on to have a lot of hot caveman sex with someone you love. All in good time!

 

BTW, I like the pic you have up. Your smile looks so sincere and frank.

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I hear that a lot of people can still have incredible sex even if they don't love the person. Maybe I just need to hear some more opinions on all of this. It's OK. If I am missing out on it, then let me know. I just want to know. It's just that it's been on my mind a lot recently. After all, I am human.

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At a basic level, we are all animals programmed genetically to enjoy sex as a healthy part of our lives. To deny something like this would be like to deny yourself this would be like denying yourself friendships, smiling, or massages. Of course you live your life in a mechanical sense, but why would you deny yourself a significant life experience?

 

Make sure that you're not trying to justify failure at fulfilling your natural desires. Keep working at it, but the final goal is to enter into a sexual relationship.

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Itsallgrand, I've gotta ask you about this one. Is it true people can actually become bored with sex? As a fortysomething frustrated virgin who's been wishing/hoping/fantasizing about sex for 30+ years, I just can't imagine that.

 

For me, the search for sex has always been what life was all about; it's the only thing in life I really care about. It's like a religious quest for me, it's my holy grail. I always shake my head in amazement when I hear people who've had it talk about it like it's just a regular everyday thing to do. When you've been there a few times, does it really become just another activity?

 

Also, you you mentioned "hot caveman sex with someone you love"... I've always thought sex with someone you really had feelings for would be gentle and sensitive and pretty tame... I thought "hot caveman sex" only happened with a beautiful stranger you'd just met hours before, or some similar adventurous scenario. What's the story on that?

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Yes, it is possible to get bored with sex, especially when you don't love the person you are with. Jumping from partner to partner without emotional connection or even a strong liking, for instance. It's not nice.

Truly, sex is so much more than the physical act, it's connection and love expressed in a certain way.

 

I do agree with HelloLadies, that there is a basic need. But, especially speaking as a woman here, I've found that the need for companionship and emotional connection is much stronger than the purely sexual one. And the need for physical touch is a large part of sexuality. There are certain forms of touch that you simply can not experience except in a sexual relationship, and that can be missed.

 

About the 'hot caveman sex'. I said that bc I have found that the craziest, hottest sex I have ever had has been in an intimate relationship. Yes, there is tender and loving, soft and sweet love making too. But being so close to someone and trusting so deeply: really gives the room to explore all aspects of sexuality. Anything goes because you trust each other to care and listen. Just speaking for myself.

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You don't need sex to make you happy!!

Don't get me wrong, sex is great but it's not the be all and end all!!!

 

correct, but keep in mind, in my life i'm ordered to have sex 4x a week to lay of stress. so sex is not only to feel good but also for fisically and emotionally destress and satisfaction. The body and the mind is built for sex and reproduction. The sexual drive in every living being has a purpose. Having no sex your whole life leaves to extreme frustration because it is in our nature to have sex.

 

something to think abt.

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Square Wheel,

 

I keep on bouncing with you. Sex can be very boring if you only do the straight in an out, body fantasy and special the spiritual era longs for a lot and defenite exploring new things, stay arroust and climb to extacy, the fore play has to start out good become relaxed and go from there, slowly built it up and do everything you like to do with your partner that can be done, licking, * * * *ing, touching, kissing and go on, the most important thing is to change constant. every time when you would have sex try or do something different the time before to keep sex exciding and interesting. Always talk with your sex partner what can be done or not so that during the sex game no strumbling supprices exist.

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I hear that a lot of people can still have incredible sex even if they don't love the person. Maybe I just need to hear some more opinions on all of this. It's OK. If I am missing out on it, then let me know. I just want to know. It's just that it's been on my mind a lot recently. After all, I am human.

 

 

We can't answer as to whether or not you are missing out. If it helps think of all the negative things that come with 'some' relationships. You take the good with the bad. You are not missing out on the risk for std's or unwanted pregnancies for instance!

 

But honestly, I am having sex with a woman I don't love consistently now for the first time in my life. It helped me in that I know my intimate needs are being met completely now. I really enjoy who I am with (and its not just a sex thing). It has been a way for me to take things slowly. I now have no reason to rush into a serious relationship and can take things at my own pace. I couldn't see that tidbit until I actually got into my current relationship. A long-term serious relationship is not something that has to happen immediately...but I do crave intimacy and sex. A lot of negative emotions I have felt toward dating in the past have stemmed from a desire for intimacy, sex and the frustration of not getting either. Now I have that need filled and can let go of those emotions. Being able to be intimate with someone safely keeps me from feeling any sort of desperation or urgency.

 

I am much happier being with someone who I do care significantly about (even though I am not in love) and am intimate with than I was in 25 years of being alone. I was happy the first 25 years of my life but I can't help but say I would have been happier with a wonderful woman, love or no love. It is human nature.

 

If you feel at all as I do, maybe it would help you to date casually and gain more confidence without serious expectations? I know how frustrating it can be to be at a stalemate. For me, internet dating provided me with the outlet I needed to start feeling a lot better about myself and actually make connections with women who want to date me.

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Well see that's the thing. I'm not even looking for anything serious. Even if it's just casual it would be fine with me. I don't really know what it is. I am a good looking guy with a lot of different interests and hobbies. Intelligent, funny, etc. etc. And I have never gotten much attention from females in my life.

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That's okay, Bluefire, keep it up because I always enjoy your posts.

 

And I think you're right, it's probably the variety and quality of the "peripheral" activities that make all the difference, rather than just the main event itself. After all, there are only so many ways you can move it in and out.

 

It's ironic that I hadn't thought of that because I of all guys have always felt strongly about how important the foreplay, afterplay (does anyone even really do afterplay?) and other embellishments are. And there are just SO many creative and fun activities I hope to try someday! I may not have any experience, but I certainly do have a wild imagination.

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SquareWheel if you have a wild imagination then explore it when the time is there, have fun. After play is still in but these days with the foreplay and main game ya pretty warn out, special me....I play for hours and don't get tired of it, easy to go in the 5 hour straight fun and sex...having several bursts of extacy, heck yeah there i go for....lol

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