is he just not that into me?

[gradle]

so, i met this guy about a year agothrough a mutual friend, he had a g/f at the time, but would say really sweet things to me (nothing bad, but just cute) like he'd always tell me how great i was adn beautiful, stuff like that. we sort of belong to one of the same social groups. in may, he and his g/f broke up and he sent me a cute message. he was gone all summer and while he was gone i'd get some short messages from him, just asking what's up....

he's been back over a month now and a few weeks ago we were out at a friends place and drinking and he was super flirty adn touching me and holding my hand and giving me pecks on the cheek, etc. everyone was making fun of us and i guess some of our friends got mad at him for crossing the line with me. he called the next day and we hung out with some folks and it was fine, except we were with his friend that had asked me out and i'd said no, so that was kind of weird. and we IMed, etc a bit. a week later i asked him and our mutual friends to come to a party, he said he'd go b/c he wanted to hang out with me and see me. but i never heard from him. nothing....

so one of our friends asked him if there were any girls on the radar, and he said no. so silly me....i send him a message that says "so sweet adn then you disappear, what's a girl to do?" i don't expect a response. but i hope that sent the clear message that i'm interested.

one reason i like him is his free spirit, so i'm trying to give him time to just be single in the city and find himself, b/c i'm sure that's what he needs right now. but i can't get him off my mind. i like him so much. and i keep looking for him on all the stuipd facebooks, etc. it's so wrong!

i probably won't see him for a few weeks and i don't want to be too much. especially since he hasnt' contacted me. do i just give up? or do i keep this hope? is there anything i can do?

[lost_status]

Hey!

 

Hmm.. this is just my opinion, but he seems ...er... sleazy, any guy who flirts with another girl and is in a relationship has a definate red line in my books!

 

Girl, I think you should just chill, go out there and have fun, dont worry if he calls or not, you sent him a message hinting that your interested, the ball is in his court now. If he wants you he will talk to you, if not you wont hear from him until you see (when with friends) next.

 

Good luck and stay strong

[annie24]

hey hun! yeah, I agree with lost. Just put him on the back burner, it isn't cool he just "disappeared" like that. the ball is in his court, don't forget to meet other guys.

 

take care!

[gradle]

hi lost, hi annie!

thanks for the advice....i've been doing my best to put him on the back burner, just having a hard time with it i guess....

well, looks like i might be seeing him at a friends bday on wednesday, he probably won't be there, but if he is i just have to play it cool.

i'm a little nervous....but before i liked him, he was interested in me for me, so htat's all i can do.

i guess.....is it a bad idea to keep doing cute small flirty things (like texts) sort of like he used to do for me? or would that be obnoxious, even though it's done only like once every several of weeks...i just want to keep peaking his interests i guess...

[annie24]

well.... I would let him make the next few moves..... i think it's his turn. especially since he never called you back. grrr....

[rmpavlock]

It's definitely up to him now. I wouldn't close my eyes to other opportunities while waiting for him though.

[DN]

I'm learning it's better to let them chase you. Guys like the challenge of being able to pursue and "win". Sucks, I know...but that's the dating game.

Take a browse through the forum and see all the posts from the shy guys and you will see this statement is not at all true for many men.

[Batya33]

In my experience even shy men muster up the "courage" to at least ask a woman out for coffee and if they don't it's typically because they're just not that interested (although of course would be flattered to be asked out - but it wouldn't raise their level of interest in a relationship). Those who are so painfully shy that they can't even manage that with a woman they are interested in are likely not emotionally available for a healthy relationship - suggests that they would have serious problems interacting during a date let alone during a relationship. If you truly believe that it is shyness precluding you from asking him out, ask him out for a "non date" - suggest a lunch during the day, an outing with a group of friends - that should be a strong enough signal of your interest.

 

In this case though since he had a girlfriend he likely knows full well how to initiate asking out a woman on a date (unless she did all the initiating due to his "shyness")

Just my humble opinion. Good luck!

[gradle]

hi there!

thanks for all the advice i really appreciate it...

i do think i'm going to just let him chase me for a bit, i like being chased and i don't want to miss out on it.

also, an update, well, this guy broke up with this girl he was seeing back in may, but had been casually dating someone since. i guess they broke up this past weekend....

and i'm hanging out with our little group tomorrow. so i'm just going to do my best to act normal and see how that goes... i can't decide if i should go to our group outing in my work clothes....(i'd look pretty nice) or if i should be more casual....i'm thinking work right about now...

[gradle]

i just have to be myself and expect nothing. so i won't be disappointed.

he has given me no reason to expect anything in a while, and i don't want to be foolish here....

[annie24]

you are a great girl, don't worry so much if he is into you or not. if he lets you slip away, so be it, you will meet someone even better.

[gradle]

awwww! thanks annie