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Take it to the next level vs. taking a break for now??


steadyhand
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Here's the situation: I have been dating someone for about a month and a half. I like him but we are definitely still getting to know one another. From what I can tell, we are in similar places in terms of how we feel about each other. We haven't slept together. We are both in our early thirties and have ended long term relationships within the last 6 months.

 

He's moving soon for graduate school and I just happen to be moving to the same place a few months later (we each planned the move prior to knowing one another). We talk about hanging out in the new place all the time, so we have both expressed an interest in continuing to see each other.

 

I don't know if he is seeing anyone else but I doubt it (don't get that vibe from him). If I'm wrong, that's fine since we haven't talked about it. I am not seeing anyone else.

 

Given his move is coming up, the way I see it we have 2 options:

 

1. Take it to the next level - Commit to not seeing anyone else while we are apart the few months while I am still here and he has moved.

 

2. Say our good-byes, keep in touch as friends and see how it goes when we are in the same town again.

 

Is it silly for me to think that there is even a *chance* this guy would want to commit to me? He'll be in a new place, looking to meet new people, etc. Should I even expect a talk about this?? I am inclined to think that we will do option #2 as a default without even talking about it.

 

It's also important to note that I am not sure what I want (which is obviously v. important)... I am just looking for feedback from the male perspective.

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Hope you don't mind a woman's perspective. If he wants to continue and be committed he will let you know. If he says nothing, assume you will stay in touch - can he come visit on weekends? - and it will be a "we'll see" situation when you move there. A month and a half is relative - for some it is enough to make a commitment (i.e. my sister got engaged after three months of dating) and for some it is not. Either way it's up to the two of you. I would not have s-X with him before he moves just to protect your heart.

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Batya33, I certainly don't mind a woman's perspective - thank you.

 

I agree that he will let me know. Part of my worry is that in the past I have been told that I am hard to read and don't make my feelings known, so I am wary of not giving him enough signs that I am interested. BUT, in this case I think that I have. I am receptive to him and I think it's obvious that I enjoy his company.

 

To be honest, I have enough going on in my life without thinking about sustaining something other than a friendship.

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Batya33, I certainly don't mind a woman's perspective - thank you.

 

I agree that he will let me know. Part of my worry is that in the past I have been told that I am hard to read and don't make my feelings known, so I am wary of not giving him enough signs that I am interested. BUT, in this case I think that I have. I am receptive to him and I think it's obvious that I enjoy his company.

 

To be honest, I have enough going on in my life without thinking about sustaining something other than a friendship.

 

I understand. I think if you continue to accept his dates with enthusiasm, be appreciative in general, a good listener and supportive that "should" be enough in most cases. Have you ever explored whether there is any merit to the opinion that you're "hard to read?" Frankly, sometimes I wish I was harder to read in certain cases (and not just relationships) - being a bit reserved can be intriguing to some - a challenge of sorts.

 

Good luck!!

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I think there would be harm if I am not ready to speak to what I want... or ready to hear him spell out that he will date others.

 

I'm starting to think that I really don't know what I want enough to initiate a conversation, especially if I am not clear about his feelings! I am comfortable with the way things are right now and I don't want to mess that up!

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I think there would be harm if I am not ready to speak to what I want... or ready to hear him spell out that he will date others.

 

I'm starting to think that I really don't know what I want enough to initiate a conversation, especially if I am not clear about his feelings! I am comfortable with the way things are right now and I don't want to mess that up!

 

And that's a fine choice! No need to pressure yourself to move to any other level - forwards or backwards if you are ok with the status quo. Hey, consider yourself lucky that you are not so attached given that he is moving away and probably going to be very caught up with his studies.

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