I think I just found out my bro is gay...

[House]

Hi everyone,

 

While my brother left his computer going when he went away, I quickly snuck in and sat at the computer and was looking for some files I thought I left on there (I now have a laptop I moved everything too). While I was looking for some things, I stumbled accross his Limewire incomplete files... in the folder was a bunch of files that made reference to 'gay orgy', 'How the West Was Hung' etc... Frankly I was a little taken aback by this.

 

I just want some advice on what to do. For all I know mum knows but didn't want me to know thinking that I would give him alot of slack over it. Should I just keep it to myself? Should I ask him about it? Should I tell my parents like the time he told them when he saw me looking at a nude photo (I'm straight BTW). I was just a little shcked by what I saw... I mean my and my brother always call each other names and often 'you're gay' or something will come into it, but by the looks of it it might be true!

 

Any help would be appreciated

[sumguy]

Sucks how you hardly ever learn anything positive snooping, doesn't it... =/

 

Are you the older or younger brother, and by how much? If you're the older the responsible thing to do is ask and talk to your brother about it, if you're the younger then you can ask, but I wouldn't expect an answer.

 

But what you shouldn't do is go to your parents, he might have done it to you, but two wrongs don't make a right.

[House]

I'm the older brother by 2 years 9 months. We're not very close though, there's alot of rivalry between us. If he found out I gone and found this stuff on his computer he'd prolly try and kill me with that stupid Samurai sword he keeps threatening me with.

 

I figured that I prolly shouldn't try and take revenge on him that way, that would be stupid of me. I think I should prolly just keep it to myself for now... actually I do have a good friend who's brother is also gay, I might ask her if she can help too. Cheers Sumguy.

[itsallgrand]

Well, hold the phone for a second. You don't know if he is gay. Some guys - straight, in between, gay - look at gay porn. It could be curiosity. You just don't know.

 

Is your brother young and would he get in trouble bc he was looking at any pornography on the computer?

Is that what you are thinking of going to tell your parents about? Or about his orientation?

 

Remember, he's still the same bro. Try not to jump to any conclusions just yet.

[House]

Yeh... well he's only 14, he'd get into trouble for looking at it for sure. I was thinking whether it is just curiosity or to get him... well you know (disturbing thought)... but it seemed there were alot of incompleted downloads in there...

 

I don't know what I was thinking of telling the parents about, I don't think I will tell them anything right now. I'll just keep a low profile for now I think.

[itsallgrand]

Sounds like a smart choice, especially if he's been getting under your skin lately and you suspect it might be a vengeance move.

 

Your other idea sounded smart too, about talking with your friend whose bro is gay. Might answer some qs for you and ease some uncomfortableness.

 

Threatening you with a samarai sword? lol. Reminds me of my lil brother at that age.

[House]

Yeh that'd be him for ya lol. Luckily it's blunt and he's too scared to go any further than taking it out and waving it a bit.

 

Anyhow thanks for the advice so far, I think my friend will be able to help some more. That's when she comes online...

[Fallout]

I think you should ask him aout it...but not in a threatening way...explain to him that you were moving files and not snooping and tell him you don't care if he is and you won't tell the parents it might bring you two closer if he fesses up on it...

[UT]

Due to his young age it's very uncertain that he is gay. He's in the middle of puberty and probably doesn't know what he ways. He's trying to find himself. I think you should wait another 2 years perhaps. It might only be a phase. Something you can do right now is letting him know it's okay if he is gay and that you'll still be there for him and love him and that there's nothing wrong with it.

 

If he is gay, then he'll find it easier to talk to you when he's ready. If he isn't at least he knows he has an open-minded brother.

[Donster]

Things to do:

1) stop snooping!!!!

2) it's not your place to tell the parents, even if he does turn out to be gay, let him do it on his own terms and in his own time.

3) one thing you can do is to create a positive space for him, so that if he does turn out to be gay, he will know that you will still love him as a brother no matter what

4) don't jump to conclusions. It doesnt mean anything. Guys, especially younger ones, will often look at other guys just to see if they "measure up". It is a time about learning about oneself, and these gay pics may be the only way for him to measure up.

5) back to point 3, understand that calling someone "gay" when you really mean that something he did was lame, or whatever, is no different than using a racial epithet, which you probably wouldn't ever do. Or to tell someone who has some physical handicap that he is "retarded". So lay off the use of the word "gay" in that way with your brother (and with your friends too). There really is no room in the world for stuff like that.

6) laying low is probably the best thing. Think of the satisfaction, perhaps 10 years in the future, if he does turn out to be gay, and comes out to you, when you can say to him "I've known for 10 years already!" as someone who has a brother, I can tell you something like that would be very satisfying indeed! So no real need to confront your bro (it might traumatize him) or go to your parents (they might traumatize him too!). Just let it be.

 

good luck, and remember to be a cool brother!

[FoxLocke]

I agree with everything Donster wrote, especially the whole, "Oh that's gay" stuff as somekind of an insult. I wish it would become as taboo as racial slurs because it is childish and silly...no disrespect to the OP.

 

Furthermore, if he does happen to be gay when he does open up about it treat him like a human being...He will appreciate that more than anything.

[House]

Thanks for all your replies guys and gals, I hear what you're saying.

I confronted him about it when I was fixing his computer and said 'hey, I kinda found this on here the other day...'

Turns out that apparently his bi-sexual friend must have been doing some downloading while he was over a few days ago, he assures me it's not his. He's still a little embarrassed about his friend though, apprently he must have been doing it right behind his back.

 

That's a bit of a relief, but still, should his friend be doing that at our house on his computer?

[Fallout]

Why not? he just downloaded stuff sheesh...Although if it was alot of stuff it might still be your brother using the friend thing so he wouldn't admit to you..

 

How did he seem when he said it was his friend? Did he sound/look truthful or lying? He's your bro, you should tell by body language/tone of voice

[House]

I'm pretty sure he was telling the truth, usually I know when he's lying through his teeth. I don't THINK he was lying, but that doesn't change the fact that it was there and now he knows that I know. If it ever happens again then I spose I'll know, but I'm gonna try and keep away from his computer I think. If him or his friends wanna look at that kinda stuff then it's not my responsibility to get in the way or anything. His business and his friends' businesses is theirs and no-one else's.

[HotCrisis16]

Lol I remember when my sister found porn on my computer. I had saved some files on the desktop and she was on my computer(don't know how it's password protected)and opened the files and came downstairs and was like umm is their anything you don't want me to see on your computer. I'm ofcourse like no and she's like umm ok. We got into an arugument walking home and some dude hit on my saying somehting in spanish in a feminine voice and she is like who is that your bf and i'm like i'm not gay and she is like i saw your files on your computer and i just kept denying it till this day. But newayz it's kinda hard not to notice when my myspace background is a half naked dude but yea lol.

[someguy1976]

I think you should mind your own business, his homosexuality has nothing to do with you or the family, because it does not directly affect your lives. He is obviously keeping this a secret, as you should as well. He will come out when he is ready. As far as him telling about you looking at the nude photo, so what? It's over with, why do revenge. You were looking at a nude girl, he is looking at nude guys, what do you think will be more devasting here? You will ruin his life, and if your parents are ignorant, may cause him to get kicked out.