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don't know if he feels it yet


Daligal83
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So I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months, but we've been friends for almost 4 years. I posted awhile ago asking if I should tell him I love him, but I chickened out on it when I had the chance. I'm confused though because he acts like he is in love, but he hasn't said it.

 

He was bowling with a mutual friend of ours and made his name on the screen "Dali's bf" and our friend goes, awwww you love her!!! And she said he smiled, but then said it's too soon for that, it's only been a couple months. She told me he said this, so I decided to wait until he says it first so I know he's ready.

 

The thing is, he acts like he is in love. He came to visit me this weekend (we're in an LDR), and he bought me a purple orchid. That's my favorite color, my favorite flower, and I had said I wanted a plant for my apartment. He also gave me a framed picture of us from that mutual friend's wedding. We play the question game a lot, and he was giving me hypotheticals based on us getting married. He was asking things about how often we'd go to temple, how we'd raise our kids Jewish, and he asked if I had a timeline when I wanted to get married and have kids by. He also asked how long I was willing to wait to get married (he has three years of school to go).

 

That friend says she thinks he feels it but is being cautious because he feels that he's falling too quickly. In my mind, it's not too quick because we've known each other for so long. Any ideas?

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How long has your relationship lasted?

 

It's funny because everyone already thinks we're going to get married. And people from home apparently talk about us (Jewish community thing). I'm planning on getting a job where he goes to school or where we're from (an hour apart) when I graduate in April, so we won't have to do this long distance anymore. I'm kind of worried that the transition will be hard, but I think we'll be ok. We talked about it and he mentioned living together I forgot to mention that in the first post.

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I would enjoy the day to day - force yourself! - because there are no guarantees. I was in a relationship where the guy, in the first two-three months:

 

1. talked about marriage incessantly and specifically - how we would raise kids (i.e the jewish observance questions), how close we would live to the inlaws, all sorts of specific questions

2. He introduced me to his family - extended and immediate - and closest friends within the first two months

3. He bought me flowers, called me every day, saw me several times a week, etc.

 

Guess what - he didn't love me. he definitely thought he was falling for me in the beginning - that was obvious - but he didn't end up feeling it. at the almost 4 month mark I raised the issue, he said he needed a little more time - I mentally gave him another month and he ended things two weeks later.

 

I am not saying this to be cynical - what I am saying is that until the 4-6 month mark or even later since you are young, you will not really know much about the future potential of the relationship. He is right to be cautious - everything seems like it's going great but don't assume anything until he says those words. If he is too scared to say them, that's fine all that that means is he is choosing to let his fears/caution take priority over being vulnerable to you with his feelings. Hopefully the fears will not win out for too much longer.

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