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please please help me.. im completely lost!!


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Ok, heres the story. My boyfriend and I started going out when i was a senior in high school and he was a junior. We went out most of my senior year and the whole summer following. While we were going out he was always sort of annoyed by the fact that I was his first (he lost his virginity to me) but he wasn't mine ( i had lost it to a previous boyfriend of 1.5 years). It wasnt really THAT big of an issue, but it still bothered him. He shrugged it off and said hed deal with it. Well, at the end of the summer, I went away to college. Two weeks into it, he calls me and says that he feel really guilty because he started having desires for other women and he felt terrible because he still loved me very much. He broke up with me because he was too guilty and felt that he needed to go out and do his own thing and not have to worry about feeling guilty and whatnot. So, I let him go. Of course I was DEVASTATED.. and still am. He had said a few times that he felt he had made a mistake, but also felt he needed more time, so i let him have it, making sure he knew i had no interests to try to see other people.. i was going to wait for him. We decided to still be best friends, because thats wat we always had been, since before we went out.

 

Well, about a week and a half into the breakup, he said that he missed me a lot and he felt that it was inevitable that we would get back together, so i wouldnt have to worry about wether or not we'd ever be together again. The only thing was that he had some personal issues to work out. Whish is true, he does have anger issues and stress management issues that he is now seeing a therapist about (no worries, he was not abusive, just didnt know how to handle too much stress and always got angry). So, i said, this is fine, i'll give you your space because you need to figure these things out before you can focus on a relationship.. cool. Well, as time passed, i realized. wait. if he couldnt deal with the distance of me going away to college, and couldnt deal with the fact that i wasnt around and was having desires for other people and wanted to have fun during his senior year .. wats goin to happen wen he goes to college??

i brought this up to him and he told me i was thinking too far ahead into the future and that i need not worry about that now. Well, to me, something like that, having to do with a relationship that im really serious about, is not thinking too far ahead into the future. Anyway, i let it go.

 

Well, today, HE brought it up. He was thinking about if someone made any sexual advances to him now he would not stop them.. well, that hurt a lot because.. we were going to get back together and all along id had the impression that the only reason we werent together right now is because of personal issues.. i guess i was wrong. He then said that he had been thinking a lot about the fact that i was his first and he wasnt mine and how much it really bothered him. So of course, this brought up college and how thats wen he would most likely pursue the need to have sex with other people. Well, obviously this presents a big problem. I don't want to go out with him now, only to get my heart broken again wen he leaves for college!! I told him that that was not fair to me and then he said that i dont understand how bad he feels and how he doesnt want to hurt me because he loves me soo much but he cant help the way he feels.

 

Now i dont know wat to do. I know that whatever is decided now will affect the next 10 months... Do i go back out with him as we had planned? (even though i know its going to have a inevitable end?) or do i spend the next entire year just wanting to be with him? Because thats all i want.. i feel that he is my ONE. I can't imagine being with anyone else! I dont know wat to do. I want to be with him so badly, but i dont want to be in a relationhip that i know is going to end in august because he needs to go out and have sex!! that pisses me off!! I just want to cry and throw up and pass out all at the same time! i dont know wat to do?? how can something that was so good just end? How can I not be enough? Why do men have to be such horny pigs? It sickens me!! And the worst part is.. that i know if he came back and said, i love u and want to be with u again, and i got that all out of my system".. i would.. i would in an instant! i dont want to lose him! I feel so lost, so confused!. He loves me so much and i know im not kididng myself.. hes loved me since before i even knew he had any feelings for me! If he got the girl he had wanted for 3 years.. y cant it be enough?? some one please help me! Please! what do i do???

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ok first off let me say that im not very expierienced with relationships. i suffered from my first broken heart thurday nite. i kno how you feel. you feel weak like your whole world is coming down.like you cant go on without him in your life. especially since yous have been together for so long. i jus went thru the same thing with my ex. our relationship was goin great (or so i thought) i thought i was gonna be wit this girl forever, then outa nowere she broke up wit me.im still strugglin...but everyday i get a lil better.

 

i suggest you move on.now thats much easier said then done. i think since he is a guy and hes goin to college...he wants to see other people. and honestly it mite for the best since he is goin away to college.and you too wont see eachother nearly as much and that would be very difficult. atleast he is being honest as to why he is breakin up wit you.do yourself a favor and move on.it takes a long time, but like he told you he cant help the way he feels. emotions cant be controlled...

 

right now your heart is tellin you that you need him but as your heart heals...you will see the picture realistically. life is too short.take sometime for yourself.it will be a verrrryyyyy hard time...but dont fear, the heart does heal with time.

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i know long distance realtionships are tough.. but they can be done. and im thinking.. if it doesnt work out now.. maybe it will later yakno?.. i just can't believe he's doing this!..and i cant believe he thinks its ok to go out from now until he goes away.. how is that fair at all??

 

will i be strong enough to see him all the time this summer.. and not be with him? will i regret it if i say no??

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that isnt being fair and hes refusing to commit himself to you if hes gonna go have sex with other people.sorry if im sounding blunt but trust me you need to move on.think about this...suppose your dream comes true and he asks you back out. how will your trust ever be the same again...especially after he goes to college. i kno it seems impossible to be w/o him now, but with time you will heal.

i kno right now it seems like the las thing you want to do is break it off completely but in the long run it will be better off. and if yous two are meant to be together...then you will.

jus remember wen one door closes another opens.

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ok, so my final question is this:

 

him going away to college isnt for a long time off from now, and we're still going to see each other because we are friends and we have a lot of the same friends and we dont want to lose touch with each other. It's going to be hard to avoid him and when I see him it's going to kill me that i'm not with him, especially when he still tels me he loves me. Ok, so that's the first dilema. The second is that he's kind of diff than most people wherein if i dont talk to him and initiate NC, it will push him away, when on the other hand, if i continue to talk to him just as a friend, it brings him closer to me. Thats why im so confused as to what to do. I feel that NC is the best thing for me, but i dont want to lose him as a friend. So, the question is.. should I go out with him during the time we still have before he goes to college, should I just tell him we should stay friends and friends only, or should I start NC and end everything, even my friendship and see wat happens??

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