this girl is after my boyfriend!

[KristinC]

Ok, let me tell you a story:

 

There was this guy who fell in love with me and asked me out. I was unsure at first, but the more I got to know him, the more I liked him too. We've now been dating for over eight months. I really love him; he's smart, funny, and surprisingly understanding.

 

Our relationship has survived over a long distance. Over the summer, I had to go home to work, and we called each other every day. Now we are back in the same area again, and hanging out whenever we can.

 

But there's been a problem.

 

It's been going on ever since we first started dating.

 

There is this other girl who's been trying to get his attention. And I don't think it's just his attention she wants.

 

Now, before you begin to think that I'm some overly-jealous girlfriend, my boyfriend has other friends who are female, and I don't get any of the red warning flags from them like I do with this girl.

 

This girl loves to flirt, and she has a very bubbly personality, the kind that most guys love to flirt back with.

 

I think my boyfriend flirts back with her, although he doesn't call it flirting, because he thinks she's "safe". "Safe" because she has a boyfriend, so if things get too hot, the guy or her can take a step back and say "whoa, what are you doing, I have a girl/boyfriend!" She's also "safe" because she flirts with many guys, so my boyfriend says its just her personality, but I have noticed her particular interest with my boyfriend.

 

For example, she always seems to get in a group with him in their classes together, she hangs around his office a lot, she has his cell phone #, email, and myspace url. She keeps in contact via all three of these, as well as playing online with him via WoW. I found a note in his office from her that said "I was in your office AGAIN!"

 

Every new piece of evidence slices a new gash into my heart. I don't know how much more I can take this.

 

I've talked to my boyfriend about it, but he tries to assure me that she and him are just friends. I've tried to explain to him how it feels via role reversal. I've asked him how he would feel if a talkative guy was hanging around my office all the time and staying in contact with me. He admitted he would feel extremely jealous. But since then, I haven't noticed much of a change. He still chats with her and plays online with her.

 

There is one glimmer of hope though.

 

Recently she has just moved (temporarily) to a foreign country! But she will be back in a year, and she continues to keep in touch with my boyfriend.

 

She even left him a 'present' in his office and sent a text message to him asking if he had been to his office recently. When he and I did, we found the present, which was an object of hers, probably something for him to remember her by. He told me it looked too girly, but I sensed an uneasyness in his voice. Much later she told him to give it to one of her girl friends, so maybe he did tell her it was too girly.

 

I can't take this back and forth between ok and not-ok much more.

 

I've been thinking about breaking up with him (many times in fact). In fact, I've come close to breaking up with him, but each time he assures me that there's nothing between him and her.

 

It might be ok for a year, but once she comes back, then what?

 

What should I do?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

this is a tricky situation! well, I think it all boils down to trust - do you trust your boyfriend? this girl, I think, is not really the main issue. yes, she is out of the country now, but that is no gaurantee that another girl can't move accross the hall from him, and now she is a "problem flirt."

 

so.... do you think your boyfriend is the type to stray?

[New_Horizons]

Perhaps your b/f enjoys the attention of two girls and is milking it for all it's worth (even if he doesn't like her).

[KristinC]

I know he's not completely clueless about it, but at the same time, he's made little to no effort to discourage her. In this way, he almost seems to be encouraging it a little.

 

Yeah, maybe he does like the ego stroking of two girls. Or maybe he's just too lazy to work at not encouraging her. I think it might be a little of both.

 

As far as trust goes, I don't know. We've only been together for eight months. Some couples get married and live years together before finding out that one has been straying since the beginning.

 

He seems interested in me, when I'm around him. But on the phone, its usually different. He has a game addiction problem (you know, typical WoW symptoms) so when he calls me at night, its about as lively as a conversation with a wall. Those types of calls really frustrate me.

 

Tonight I decided not to call him and instead let him call me when he was done with his game. But he forgot to call.

 

We usually alternate between one person calling the other.

 

I guess he was too busy tonight.

 

I don't know, I'm at a loss.