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I'm a 25 year old guy, I dated my first love for 3 1/2 yrs and then on and off for the past 2 1/2 yrs. Most of the last 2 1/2 were spent trying to get her back, shes 22 now and she wasnt really ready for any real commitment at the time, rather she wanted to be out at the bars and clubs and be single. I held on and held on, went thru her seeing and sleeping with other guys because I was to weak willed to let go. The other factor was as soon as i did decide to cut off contact, she'd call and call or show up were I lived and come back to me. I think this created the idea in my head that she was never really gone for sure. I know anybody in there right mind would have cut this realtionship off long ago, but I didnt, and because of this I've spent the past 2 1/2 yrs extreamly depressed and hurt. I know I'm not loving myself of putting myself first because I comprised myself to hold onto something that wasnt going to work.

 

She began seeing alot of differant people in the past 6 months, I stayed fairly distant but somehow we always stayed in touch. She has began to mature, partying less, focusing on school and just seems more mature in general. Because of this I became attracted to her again and it sturred up hope that we could have a mature realtionship again. I know it sounds foolish to still hope after all this time but nonetheless its the truth.

 

Recently she started dating a police officer, he works third shift but they seem to be making time for eachother and they have been seeing eachother exclusively. When I found this out I swore to myself I wouldnt call her anymore, there was no good to come out of it only hurt. I stood strong for almost 2 weeks then I wake up in the morning and I see she called like 10 times and sent me some text messeges saying she wants to start talking again.

 

My intial reaction was no I have to think more of myself than to call her back, but within a few hours I made the mistake of calling. We ended up meeting up to talk in person for about a half hour. I'll be honest I was hoping she wanted me back. Well she told me at times she misses me and it bothers her that I'm gone, but also that things are going really well with her new boyfriend. She told me how nice he is to her and I saw a picture of him and hes a good looking guy.

 

I understand the sitution, Shes with another guy, she really likes him, I'm living in the past thinking about this. But I have to tell you I still love her more than anyone, I feel lost in this world, I've been down so long trying to get over this and I feel hopeless, my work has began to suffer again, I sleep all the time and I think about this stuff all day. I know I need to pull it together and that I'm not being a strong person but I'm so worn down and hurt at this point. I see the person shes become and its what I always wanted when she was still immature and not ready for a serious realtionship. I put everything I had into this and now that shes ready and mature, I cant have her. I know I need to get out and meet and date people but right now I'm to down to do it. I know a lot of you think I must be really weak but any thoughts or suggestions would be a big help

 

Thanks everyone

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Hey Biz...Deciding to move on is hard-VERY HARD, but whats even harder is sticking with your decision!! You just have to discipline yourself. 2 weeks is a HUGE accomplishment and I bet you felt better-you probably missed her a lot but you knew that you got 2 weeks under your belt of moving on! IMAGINE HOW YOU WILL FEEL IF YOU DO N.C. FOR A MONTH! You need to tell her that talking to her is too hard for you right now and she needs to back off so you can heal properly! If she can't take that, than that's when you need to be strong and stop calling her back/answering the door/reading her e-mails/visiting her myspace...all that stuff! If she isn't going to help you, then you need to help youself by doing WHATEVER you need to to move on. I have some articles I read and things I did to help me, so if you want to know these things, send me a PM and I'll let you know what I did!

 

KEEP THE FAITH MR! IT *WILL* GET BETTER!

TTYL

 

STB

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Hey Biz,

That is a tough story, but good for you to admit all these things. Now that you have done that, you can start making the decision to heal. The first things is to take this situation and put some control into it. That means stop contacting her completely. This girl is not a good influence in your life. You need to move on and live your life. Unfortunately, having her still in it is making that a difficult thing to do. She is acting like the proverbial carrot and stick in front of the horse. You keep chasing it, but you will never catch it.

Now, if she contacts you again, this is were you can really take control. Tell her that it is time for you to move on in your life, and that she does not have a place in it anymore. Tell her that having her in your life is unhealthy and that you need to stop the relationship entirely. That means you can no longer be friends anymore either. She may try to convince you otherwise, but stay strong and say no.

After this, it will be hard for a little while. There will be days that you will miss her and will want to contact her, but don't do it.

It will only set you back and prolong this misery you are experiencing. Remember that you want to improve your life and doing this will accomplish this task. Also remember all the negative things about her, and that will lessen the emotional bond you have.

After a while, it will get easier and easier. I am sure that when you heal enough someone else just as wonderful will enter your life.

Good luck and be strong.

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mate, you dont need to be there for her, you HAVE to move on , We can say forget, its hard and worse when those feelings stay there , but as the rock says get rid of that emotional bond that will eat you alive, This may be the hardest thing you may have to do but get clear. stay clear. Otherwise you will just go round and round and the emotional whirlpool will drag you under. Meet people when you are ready . repair and prepare. make that your motto.

stay safe

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Bizw,

 

Although I have no contact with my ex, not a moment goes by when I don't wish we were together. It is 8 months after our breakup.

 

The last time that I had contact with my ex (it was accidental), he went into so much detail about his new happy life.

 

My ex and your girl should not be throwing their happiness in our faces. Why should you have to listen to how nice he treats her?

 

If you had a friend who had an injured leg, would you go on about how much fun you were having running in the scenic countryside every afternoon? No. Because decent, mature people show common courtesy.

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