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Not invited to wedding and cut off


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I posted along time ago about my friend who did not invite me to his wedding. I'm a girl hes a guy, we were friends for 10 years- strictly platonic. I considered him to be one of my most closest friends and confided in him, he tols me he felt the same trust and friendship for me. I felt lucky to have such a good friend..

 

He got married some months ago. I was not invited nor did he even tell me he was having a wedding. I found out through his myspace that he got married.

I saw the photos he invited most of his friends- female as well.

 

He also stopped talking to me since last october, havent seen him in 2 years, and everytime i tried making plans he had an excuse. Also last time i spoke to him on Instant Messenger he acted like a jerk to me, and thats the last time I had contact with him.

 

Ofcourse I feel hurt, but I feel like the whole friendship was a lie, that he was never really a friend. I feel stupid for confiding in him and trusting him.

 

Also his wife, i met her several times when they were dating, I always went out of my way to be nice to her, she was always rude and quiet. One time I ran into them in the mall and he started talking to me and she stormed away no where to be found, he had to go looking for her.

So I'm guessing she was very jealous and maybe told him to cut him off?

What do you think?

I have bascially accepted he is not my friend but it hurts and it scares me to think another friend could do this to me in the future.

 

Also his brother who i was friends with stopped contact with me as well.

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I understand how you feel. But try to see it from his perspective - it may be that she asked him to promise never to contact you again. Or he may feel that any contact, even to explain, would be misinterpreted.

 

I doubt that he was never your friend. And it is likely he feels guilty about it at some level. So try not to feel badly.

 

You were a good friend to him - let the final act of your friendship for him be to forgive him.

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Well I am looking it at his perspective and I think its really messed up. Also that last time we had contact was on instant messenger and he was rude and mean to me. He still has me on his instant messenger, im not blocked so obviously she didnt ask him to cut all contact cause he could block me. He just does not send any messages to me. Same with his brother.

 

I just honestly feel he was never really friend, I can't understand how a friend could treat another friend like that. I just dont know how i will trust anyone again.

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I really disagree on this...what he did was inexcusable, and his wife had no right to tell him to stop being friends with you...basically that says she never trusted him and they got married...yeah that will be a happy ride lol

 

I know if I were in his shoes I would never do that even if the soon-to-be wife made it a precondition..I can't stand for emotional blackmail and lack of trust like that..if you are ever going ot be in his position Girl you should be better than he was and take your stand...you can love friends dearly too only in a different way

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I really disagree on this...what he did was inexcusable, and his wife had no right to tell him to stop being friends with you...basically that says she never trusted him and they got married...yeah that will be a happy ride lol

 

I know if I were in his shoes I would never do that even if the soon-to-be wife made it a precondition..I can't stand for emotional blackmail and lack of trust like that..if you are ever going ot be in his position Girl you should be better than he was and take your stand...you can love friends dearly too only in a different way

 

 

But the fact is that you are not in his shoes. You have no idea what stresses he has in his relationship with his wife and why he chose to do that. To condemn him in such a way without his side of the story does not help the situation.

 

Brokenhearted needs to move on with her life without her former friend in it and to let go of the hurt and anger because those negative emotions will not serve her other than to embitter her against people in general.

 

She needs to put down her burden of hurt - not add to it.

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I pretty much acceptthat he is no longer my friend or in my life. He does not exsist any longer. Honestly I do not forgive him. He has kept me on his instant messenger yet chooses not to speak with me, I guess it would be easier if he erased me from his life entirely like blocking me.

He could have simply wrote an email or sent me a message and I would have understood. I don't think after this experience I will ever trust someone fully like I did with him. He is someone I thought I would be friends with for life and would be there for me through anything. To me its really a betrayl and also fraud.

Whatever his choice was I accept it but its a really bad lesson I learned.

Also his brother stopped talking to me around the same time, last i spoke with him was on messenger as well and it sounded like he teamed up with his brother with the rude things he was saying.

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This is something of interest to me, being a guy, i recently did this to an old friend based on some jelousy issues with the GF....The girl was my best friend on and off for years and years, i basically grew up with her, than she moved away..well things went great for awhile everyone was friends, myself and the GF with her and her new BF but soon it got weird, and one thing led to another with feelings of jelousy and well i was soon in a position to let it all go or get rid of the gf...i didnt choose either but never really talked to my friend again, its been now almost a year and half, i tried calling her last week, left a message, but i got no reply...Its def one of the worst decisions ive made, but also to be in that position to begin with is absolutely horrible...Hopefully one day we will run into eachother, but i know how you feel, being on the other end....

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Honestly I don't think that being in a relationship with someone entitles you to dictate to the other person who you should be friends with, talk to etc. that's being controlling and a jealousy freak...and I think it's wrong to get the message accross that this is ok...

 

That's why no he shouldn't be forgiven, it's really wrong to treat people like that...be best friends with someone for 10 years then dump them like a used rug deeply hurting them...I see no excuse for it at all

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Nobody said that it is OK. What I am saying is that it is easy to criticise somebody's actions based on hearsay without hearing his side of the story. There have been hundreds if not thousands of posts on this forum from people concerned that their partners have close friends of the opposite sex and mostly people say that 's/he should have the respect for you and sever contact.'

 

He did not behave well - but that doesn't mean he was never a friend nor does it make him some sort of evil person. Let's not over-react.

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