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Long Distance Relationship Slumps?


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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost eight months. I'm 17, and he's 18.

He moved about an hour and a half away to go to college about a month ago.

 

The other day he told me that he still cares about me as a friend, and 'loves' me, but doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore.

 

We talked today, and he said this was a recent occurrence, in the last week and a half or two weeks.

 

He says he doesn't 'like' anyone else up there, that his feelings for me have just faded, and that the relationship isn't there for him anymore, if I gathered correctly.

 

He says that his life is there, and my life is here, and even when we saw eachother (we saw eachother the weekend after he left, but haven't seen eachother since... I've been nervous about going down there because I thought I should be giving him some space, and letting him settle in) he was just thinking about how he'd have to go back.

 

I can't help but just think that this is just a slump in the relationship that we could get past.

He apparently hasn't been feeling this way for that long, and he says it's nothing that I've done that has changed his feelings, that they have just kind of gone away.

 

Has this happened to anyone in a relationship before?

What can you do to get through it?

 

I really love him, and care about him (he's an amazing person, and everything about him is just- right to me), and he's the most important thing in my life, and if it's just a little low point that we can get around together, I'm going to regret not doing something to fix it when I had the chance.

 

I am willing to do anything to fix the relationship, and after our conversation tonight, I think he's considering that maybe it's just a slump.

 

Has abyone had this happen before?

What helped you?

 

There's nothing I'm not willing to do to fix this, he's definitely worth all the effort I can give.

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I'm not going to tell you not to ride it out for a while, and I'm not going to tell you to give up on him. Somewhere inbetween i'd think. Sit back, let things fall where they may. One MAJOR piece of advice though, if you want any chance of keeping it alive...DO NOT START CHASING HIM, HARASSING HIM, CALLING HIM 5 OR 10 OR 20 DIMES A DAY, CRYING, GROVELLING, RATIONALIZING, OR IN ANY WAY TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT HE IS DOING SOMETHING BAD OR WRONG.

 

That will only seal the deal. I Guarantee it.

 

Ride it out for a couple of weeks, be casual, see what happens.

 

That's about the best advice I can give you.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

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I shot him an email this morning at 2am.

Today is Saturday, he told me this Thursday night.

 

I let him wait until he was comfortable to call me, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry a lot (but I can't help the crying, I tried not to) and also tried to convince him that we should try before we give up.

 

... apart from that, I try to give him his space, and let him make dscisions for himself...

 

Thank you for your advice.

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Hi there,

 

I don't want to sound like a misery, but I would prepare yourself for this to be over. Relationships often break up when one person goes away to college, and the other doesn't. It might be that giving him his space etc might help, but it doesn't sound too good.

 

Focus on you - get your pals around and have some good nights out, and try not to pine after him too much (easier said that done, I know!)

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