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I am sorry that my comeback is not positive


miracle29
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I took some time off of this site thinking that if i focused on positive things that perhaps my marriage would be for the better. It is with deep regret that I have to inform you, that I'm in more pain mentally and emotionally then I was when I first posted about my marraige.

 

Basically things have gotten worse than they were before. I am alone, and just last night some stole my wallet and everything else I had in my babies diaper bag. My husband showed little to no care. I was crushed. But it has become appearant to me that nothing I do can change this man. He is a very calus and careless person.

 

I deserve better but I'm so trapped here, in alaska, with a baby. alone. Please help .

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Awwww sweetie... (((( HUGS)))))) many many bright blessings to you.

how can I help? by word or deed... you are never ever alone. You have a beautiful baby.. and you are a woman. We always always look after our own.

 

YOU WILL BE OK. just a small speed bump on the road of life... nothing more. YOU WILL be OK.

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I'm in ALaska, All my family is in the lower 48. I finally broke down and wrote his sister a letter telling her (not in too much details) how bad things really are. We'll see what happens now. I told her i'm in some serious emotional pain and that i"M alone and that he brother treats me badly and more. We'll see ...I doubt she'll care. He's probably turned everyone against me. Little do they know, he is a very calus man, very cold, very distant and probably having an affair which to be honest with you is not as painful to me as the treatment I'm getting in the meantime.

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Miracle,

 

Sorry that you are not in a good place right now. How about your family? Have you talked to them? Are you close with them? Would they let you stay with them if you could get to them? What is your financial outlook right now? If he is mean, heartless, and cares nothing for you or your marriage would you leave him?

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Oh girl, I am sorry things are not improving for you. Is there any way you can go to friends or family and stay there until things are more calm in your head, and you can make a decision? You posted this topic in the Divorce forum, I guess that you did so for a reason.

 

I think it will be very difficult now, but you will thank yourself later if you decide to leave this man and start over again. You are a wise and strong woman, and have a beautiful baby. You will be ok on your own, I think that at this moment, your marriage is costing you more energy than life would cost you if you had to do it all on your own.

 

Take care and a hug,

 

Ilse

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The following is taken from link removed its an informative website you may be interested in taking a look at. She talks about Verbal/emotional and physical abuse.

 

I've found it very helpful in validating some of the things that were going on in my marriage. It gave me insight on what I could do and where I could turn. You may also find other "people" male & female that are in your situation. When you talk to others in the same boat... you truly do not feel alone and powerless. and yes... it does happen to many men, although men may not come out and admit it.

 

link removed

 

 

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

Does your partner:

 

 

ignore your feelings?

disrespect you?

ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor? ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

give you the silent treatment?

walk away without answering you?

criticize you, call you names, yell at you?

humiliate you privately or in public?

roll his or her eyes when you talk?

give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well? seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?

tell you you are too sensitive?

hurt you especially when you are down?

seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

complain about how badly you treat him or her?

threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

ever left you stranded?

ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?

seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?

compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

promise to never do something hurtful again?

harass you about imagined affairs?

manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?

drive like a road-rage junkie?

act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?

question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence? interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?

use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?

incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?

try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"

frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding? treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

 

 

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you

 

You express your opinions less and less freely.

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge. You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior.

You feel emotionally unsafe.

You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship. You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

You doubt your own judgment.

You doubt your abilities.

You feel vulnerable and insecure. You are becoming increasingly depressed. You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

You have been or are afraid of your partner. Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

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OMG...these are so familiar to me. Some of them are serious red flags. I feel like i'm going crazy, like its all in my mind and that maybe its me who can't be loved and that its me who's making him miserable. But after reading this, I know its not. I feel so misunderstood alone and isolated. My daughter is the only thing that makes me smile and want to wake up anymore.

 

Another thing is i'm not into breaking the law> i do not want to take her away from him . thats against the law..i feel so trapped.

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I found this article very helpful too.

link removed

 

Are you able to find a lawyer?

 

If he is doing anything abusive, can you document it? This might help if you need a divorce and/or custody of your daughter. I am sure some of the other posters here would be able to supply you with helpful links for Alaska law.

 

It really hurts, I know. But at the very least you can tell yourself that you tried your very hardest to make things work, and he did not respond to your efforts. I did the same at the end of my abusive marriage. I threw myself into be positive, happy, cheerful and pouring gestures of love and affection into my husband. He did nothing but verbally and emotionally slap me, destroy things and reject me over and over. It helps a little bit to know that I did my best and even that was not enough to change how he treated me.

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OMG...these are so familiar to me. Some of them are serious red flags. I feel like i'm going crazy, like its all in my mind and that maybe its me who can't be loved and that its me who's making him miserable. But after reading this, I know its not. I feel so misunderstood alone and isolated. My daughter is the only thing that makes me smile and want to wake up anymore.

 

Another thing is i'm not into breaking the law> i do not want to take her away from him . thats against the law..i feel so trapped.

 

Taking your daughter out of a potentially abusive situation is not breaking the law. It is protecting yourself and your daughter. You are not crazy you just have been worn down and don't believe in yourself anymore. Your daughter needs a strong mother, one she can grow up to be just as strong.

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Welcome back. I'm just sorry its not under a better note.

 

I agree with WorkNProgress. Its not against the law to leave your husband. Don't feel trapped with him because of your daughter because living in a home with two parents that fight is very destructive to the child. They can tell when their parents argue.

 

You need to make yourself happy! Life is so short to live unhappily. It takes two people to work on a marriage. If one partner is not willing to work on it - then its impossible. You can't do all the work.

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You are not crazy... there is "NOTHING" wrong with you. Its crazy making... and gas lighting.... and hoovering... its the endless cycle. You start looking for triggers to see what the predictors are... oh him blowing. But he keeps you off balance... you never know.

 

I hope you had a chance to go to that web site I sent out. There's a ton of good info for you. The forum that is attached to it is wonderful. There are so many others like you... who feel trapped and don't see a way out.

 

YOU do not need his permission to take care of YOU and take care of your child. Growing up in an abusive household is NOT good for a child. Even if its not what you would call... "CLASSICALLY" abusive. meaning he's not a dead drunk who breaks things and beats on you. Verbal/emotional abuse is REAL. And sometimes leaves deeper wounds and scars that can't be seen.... and take soooooo very long to heal.

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