from planning to be together to almost breaking up

[4ever]

Hello everyone,

didnt know for sure where to put this.

Im having huge problems it seems.

 

First, im in an ldr, a hard and far away one (almost 5 yrs).

 

we have been planning, well different things, it was him making up all the plans, basically they would change every day-week, they were about him coming here, changed possible types of visas and when he would come. It started (possible plans) from him coming next feb to even early december.

 

Last time we talked on phone we were discussing us living together in my country, and since its different for him it wouldnt be that easy, but i dont care as long as we are together, and we would live here until we could move to his, and we discussed this before. So we got to a stressful part and he said I was stressing him, so he got really quiet and since then things went down the hill. He says he doesnt want to talk about any plans anymore, until he can relax, and he acts very cold, says im stressing him and annoying him. Of course my reaction was opposite, i started being clingy (email, phone), started having lots of dreams about us so it all really got into me, scared me.

We got to talk just now and it was even worse, he said to not contact him until i have something sensible to say, says he doesnt want a crazy woman, and said he would actually be fine living his life alone without one.

Told me to be come the fun easy person i used to be.

 

Well i understand what he says about becoming fun and easy, sure everyone loves fun and easy people and dumps them as soon as they have problems.

So i think id have to not contact him and pretend to be fun when we talk?

 

Its really hard for me to handle, we have been talking about being together so soon, getting married, starting a family, to him almost dumping me.

He even mentioned, i guess i couldnt help it and started asking stupid (for him) questions and he said if i dont stop, he will completely break up.

 

Im so hurt, i want to add we have been through similar a few times, i understand he is stressed, but i dont understand how he can go from wanting to be with me so bad a few days ago to this. He also says im different than i used to be, i dont know, its also hard for me to be apart and i lost my dog in august (had to put to sleep after spending 10 years together), ive been having a hard time and seems like its not ending

 

Thank you

[Beyondthesea]

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now with this guy.

 

Honestly, he sounds like he wants the fun of the relationship but isn't into making the move for you two to be together.

 

what do you mean you started asking "stupid questions." To be honest, this guy really doesn't sound very loving.

 

You've been dating 5 years long distance and no move to be together, and no move for commitment?

 

It really doesn't sound right to me. I would really consider the ups and downs of this relationship and if you see him honestly making the effort for you two to be together. If not, don't waste anymore time.

[4ever]

things have been perfect, we sure had our ups and downs but last few months we have been talking about plans for him to come here. Our ldr is hard cause its different countrys and involves lots of money and other problems, but we have been trying to make plans, he was the one offereing new and new plans and last one was him to come here in a month! and then we talked on the phone and of course its all is stressing because it is alot of money and alot to work out and that was when he got like that, in 2 mins.

So now when things are so low i kept asking if we are ok and going to be together - thats what he didnt want to hear and called stupid comments and questions and told me to stop acting like this or we will break up completely.

I know he can be difficult, but i guess i have been too clingy (i always try to do anything for him and be nice, guess women win more)

[Rabican]

Sounds like he wants the good without the bad, unfortunately you cant really be in a relationship and only have one or the other.... you get both.

 

Also sounds like hes both not very commited to you, and the idea of being with you, nor is he very mature about this whole thing.

 

Question, how often do you see him?

 

Im tending more and more to think that all these people who have online relationships are just kidding themselves. Not to be mean, but its just not the same. Nothing beats spending time with someone like spending time with someone. I think that an hour together in person is probably better than 10 hours or even 10 days on the phone, or instant messenger.