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GF broke a promise that was really important to me


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OK so she promised me that she wouldn't drink..which she knew was basically a prerequisite to us dating cuz I can't have that ish in my life (pops was an alcoholic)..and she ended up getting piss drunk a couple weeks ago...i'm too worn out at the moment to type it all out so i'm just going to copy and paste the story i type to my friend in AIM..i dont even know if i want advice or if i just want you to wish me luck or words of wisdom or whatever..idk i just needed to get this out..

 

 

Me: like 5 months ago jackie promised me

Me: that she wouldnt drink

Me: cuz i had told her my whole whole lifes story about how my dads an alcoholic and that if she were to drink it would really hurt me and blah blah blah

Me: and she promised me that she would never drink because she knew it would really hurt me

Me: and i was talking to her on the phone last night and she told me that like 2 weeks ago she got * * * *-faced drunk

Me: so now im just like * * *

Me: cuz she broke her promise to me

Me: so we were on the phone for like 4 hours last night

Me: and she was crying alot and she said that she only did it because of peer pressure and she really didnt mean to hurt me

Me: and she promised that she would never ever do it again

Me: and i believe that because she was really crying and i could tell in her voice that she was being real

Me: but its like we've had 8 months worth of trust built up

Me: and now its back to square one

Me: i understand that she's a human and all humans make mistakes

Me: she i told her that i forgave her and shes only getting one other chance

Me: and if she does anything remotely similar to this again then we're over

Me: and she promised me that she would never drink again

Me: but now its like i really want to believe her but she already broke one promise so now its hard for me to believe this one

Me: its not like she drinks all the time or anything, cuz this was the first time she's drank in like the past 5 months

Me: but its just like damn

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hey - I hear you. I think you should probably cut her out of your life. i have dated several alcoholics myself, and honestly, it isn't pretty If drinking makes you uncomfortable, do not date this woman. Find a new one to date, there are plenty of girls out there that do not drink. This is a big issue.

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well ..i mean shes not really an alcoholic annie

she only drank one time in five months

i am guessing that she is 16 or 17 years old.. you cant really expect her not to have a drink for the rest of her life, especially now with everyone in highschool doing it. that doesn't mean its okay, or that peer pressure is okay, but you cant expect her to just not have anything forever.

 

i know exactly how you feel, by the way. my father is an alcoholic and i tried saying the same thing to my bf... that if he drank it would hurt me and blah blah. but you know what, hes 18 years old in college, i cant expect him to not have anything forever. the boy has never even really been drunk before, he stops at two or three drinks. as long as it is in moderation, im sorry, but you cant hold her back forever. i'm not saying its a good thing to drink, or that its a good experience, but as she gets older and all her friends are going to bars/clubs and drinking SOCIALLY (not every night and not more than a few drinks), than she is going to start feeling left out if you tell her that she absolutely can never have a drink again.

 

but thats just my 2 cents

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oh no, I wasn't meaning to imply that she was an alcoholic.

 

but.... everyone has to make up their mind with how much alcohol use from a partner is ok with them. for someone, a person who drinks several times a week is ok to date, and for others, no alcohol at all. it is a personal choice. and if your feel strongly that you do not want to date a girl who drinks at all, stick with that. don't feel like you have to compromise on this issue just because "it's what all the other kids are doing."

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yea she's def. not an alcoholic...and i dont expect her to never drink again in her life.. i'm just saying this is also a long distance relationship (she's in college two hours away) and i would be extremely hard for me to cope if i knew she was out there drinking..especially when i know how that can ruin a persons life. and she'll be 18 in december..so i know the alcohol comes with the territory of college and all that..right now i just kinda see it as she made a mistake and hopefully shes learned from it, cuz like kaotic said, if it was just a few drinks and maybe a little buzz i wouldnt be worried..but she got drunk.. and two of the people in the dorm went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning that night..and i just never wanna see her get to that point.

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okay wel i can understand the feeling of not wanting her to be drunk with a bunch of people that you dont know, and i didnt mean that you should deal with it because its 'what the other kids are doing,' but i only want people to realize that they cant hold their gfs/bfs back from doing something. i tried it, and it only created resentfulness.

 

getting drunk all the time= not okay

 

i just hope you wouldnt let occasional social drinking ruin an otherwise good relationship.

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I can see why you don't want her drinking, but she went out one time and drank... i really dont see that as a big deal. shes only been a good gf to you and clearly not drinkin for her isnta big deal. I guarantee she doesnt have any intentions of drinking again, so I don't see what the big deal is. No matter what she WONT become an alcoholic and isn't that the only thing your worried about?

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IcedOut -

 

I can tell you that right now, it seems like maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. She's in college now and honestly, she has a right to do what she wants, and you telling her (at her age, in her circumstances) not to drink is something she will grow to resent you for later on.

 

Maybe it would be better to find someone whose views coincide more with your own... Hun many people drink, not all turn into alcoholics or things like that... I guess I'm wondering if there is also a trust issue (ie she might get drunk and do something to hurt you?)

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i agree that she has a right to do what she wants, and my fear really isnt that she'll become an alcoholic, its more or less just the fact that i dont want her to hurt herself or our relationship. and its not like she feels compelled to drink all the time, it was just the one time and she told me that now even if i didnt have a problem with drinking she wouldnt do it anyway..

 

me: i jus dont want to see you hurt yourself

me: or hurt me either for that matter

her: i don't wanna do either...you're lucky you already have this fear of alcohol without even trying it...i'm not capable of drinkin anymore b/c i'm scared that it would happen again

her: even if i'm careful it's not possible

 

so really i'm not that worried about it anymore..the fact that she broke a promise bothers me much more than her drinking actually..but i don't think we're gonna have a problem bringing that trust back.

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  • 2 weeks later...

If you really love this girl, then you just need to put faith in her. Its so easy for people on here to just tell you "oh get rid of her, find someone else" because I know if they were told to get rid of someone they really cared for they wouldnt agree. So give her the one last chance, and if she ruins it, then you warned her. But after that if you choose to keep her, is all up to you. If that happens then you may feel completely different about her and it wont be so hard to find someone else if thats your decision. But dont just throw her away like some people advise, I'm not sure on the age, but shes still young and it happens everywhere with everyone, just let life take its course and if she really cares about you, peer pressure shouldnt be much of an issue.

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Hey,

 

I'm thinking you should give her another chance. I'm not saying drinking alcohol is good, but you have to let her live her own life. She just wanted to do it for the experience. She just said it was from peer pressure, right? I say people have to experience certain things at least once in their life. My boyfriend said that when he's of age he wants to go to a strip club. Am I fond of his decision? Definitely not...He's going to be looking at other girls naked...He said he wants to do it just for the "experience". Well, I trust him enough that it's just for looking and nothing else, thereforeeee I'm "sort of" fine with it. He's going once and that's that. Grrr, but it still makes me mad!](*,)

I guess I'll have to deal with that when time comes... But, I know you said you've been through some hard times because of the past, but you can't really direct her life. You can't really personalize the relationship to your needs only. I'm not saying alcohol is a need, but she deserves freedom of choice.

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Basically the way we resolved this is that she said that she wouldn't drink anymore because she knew that it hurt me. At first she wanted me to compromise on how I felt, and although I definitely do believe that compromise is one of the most important aspects in a relationship, I told her that I was not willing to be hurt because she wanted to drink, and even though she said I was being somewhat controlling (and I totally agree with her about that, I am being controlling), she understood where I was coming from and she didn't want me to be hurt because of her. We came really really really close to breaking up this past week, but we didnt and if anything now I think we have a better understanding of each other and though everything isn't terribly great now, I think that we will have a stronger relationship because we have overcome this adversity. Thank you to everyone who posted.

 

-Justin

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