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Hi,newbie here.

 

I really need help with a situation i have with a friend at the moment.This might be long,please bear with me.

 

I first met this girl 2 years ago at work.We pretty much hit it off straight away flirting etc etc. She had and still has a boyfriend who treats her badly.He cheated on her during the summer and only this week she was telling me she is sick of him. This girl i THINK has given me some major come on signals.She has said "she wants to get in with my family" she has said she "really cares" about me and tries to make me jealous by saying silly things.When i go out with a girl her face falls and she looks upset.I see her at work 9-5 every day and we pretty much act like a couple,she moans at me and says stuff like "you dont buy me any presents and i buy you lots" etc etc and people have been commenting asking "whats going on between you two?". Our relationship however is strange, im quite mean to her only because i like her and i get annoyed with her and treat her badly bexause i think shes playing with me.Its a kind of * * * for tat thing,she flirts with a guys in front of me and i flirt with a girls in front of her.

 

On Thursday yet another person that knows us said to me "whats going on with you two".At this point i cracked and decided to tell her ive got strong feelings for her.We had a chat by text and i told her i like her.She replied by saying she didnt believe me and she thinks im just confused.I said to her repeatedly i liked her but she said she didnt believe me. Eventually i said "do you want me to leave you alone",she replied by saying "no,i want you to be my friend".I replied by saying well why didnt you tell me that earlier,she then said "Because i dont think you do have feelings for me,youre always so mean to me,i think you're just confused.Ive told her loads of times by drunken texts that i like her more than a friend but then i take it back in the morning and say it was the alcohol talking.She said to me yesterday "youve told me so many times you like me when youre drunk then take it back,i dont know what to do"

 

I dont know what to do now.Part of me thinks she just doesnt believe me and thinks shell get hurt by me if she does,but part of me thinks that was a nice way of letting me down.I feel she wont give me a straight answer as to whether she likes me back and i dont know what to do now.Its tearing me apart

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She has a boyfriend, so she is already off limits to you.

 

It's best to move away from this situation as you will only cause yourself pain, and pain between that of her and her boyfriend.

 

Besides, you acknowledged that the only time you share with her your true feelings towards her are when you are drunk.

 

What about her intrigues you so much? Is it because she is unavailable that makes it so exciting?

 

Hugs, Rose

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Sounds like a lot of game playing on both sides. Texts are one of the worst ways to "communicate" particularly anything of any seriousness and particularly when there is alcohol involved. Sounds pretty cowardly/evasive on your part too. Go out for lunch during the day, sit accross from each other, phones turned off and have a normal conversation about whether it is advisable to date. No drama. If you cannot manage to do that, then I would say it's not really advisable to be dating other than flings or people who are heavily invested in drama.

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yeah, I've had some guys only send me texts or e-mails telling me how much they like me when they are drunk, but never while sober. It just confused the heck out of me, and eventually, I got tired and bored of it, and I cut them out of my life. Who needs a guy who can't tell me he likes me when he's sober?

 

If you really like her, then you should tell her in person, while sober, during the daytime. Talk to her about it.

 

However, the fact that she has a boyfriend doesn't sound so good. Why are you going after her? And if you get together with her, you may always wonder at the back of your mind if she will leave you for another guy who professes his love for her.

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yeah, i agree with the other posters. sounds like there is quite a bit of game-playing on both sides, which is not a good way to start a relationship, unless you are the type that thrives on drama instead of wanting a serious relationship.

 

and "acting like a couple" while you are at work is especially not a good idea if you are not one (and probably even if you were one; my boyfriend and i work together, but we downplay our relationship and try to maintain an air of professionalism while at work) because it might make the others at your work uncomfortable, and if they know her boyfriend, it puts them in a moral bind.

 

i'd say stop pursuing her. if she wants you, she'll break up with her boyfriend and pursue you.

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I didnt mean to tell her i had feelings for her by text (when i was sober) on Thursday,i said i wanted a chat with her and she coaxed it out of me by text.

I just really like her,ive known her for 2 years and see her everyday from 9-5,we do stuff together have really long chats and go to the cinema too.When she told me her bf was cheating on her,she said "you're the only person ive told this too".Saying "i want to meet and get in with your family" and "i really care about you" AND all the stuff that goes on between us seems to be strong signals she feels something for me.

As im with her everyday from 9-5 i cant just walk away from the situation Its difficult when you're in that position not to feel something for somone.If she just said to me "look,i only like you as a friend" then i would walk away and leave her alone.Its just im being hurt badly and i need some resolution.I have stopped pursuing her in the past but she gets angry with me and asks me why im being so distant.

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so ask her, point-blank, if she likes you as more than a friend, and if she is willing to do anything about it (including breaking up with her boyfriend).

 

if she says no, there's your cue to walk away. don't let her play games with you. she shouldn't get mad at you for being distant, if distance is what you need to heal and get over her. if she really wants to be your "friend," she'll understand.

 

otherwise, she just wants attention.

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