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This is embarassing...


Hannahleh
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But I get this... craving, to be physically hurt sometimes. Not beaten or anything, but when I'm fooling around with my boyfriend I want to be taken control of, knocked around a little bit. We have pretty passionate times together (we haven't had sex lately, but we should be again once my bc is back on schedule), even when we're just making out or something... we tend to wrestle and pin each other down and stuff, and he's not ticklish so when he holds me down and tickles me I end up hitting him, and I think he likes it... he's always provoking me, like "Do it, Hannah. Go ahead, bite me." and holding me down so I don't really have another choice. Like, right now he has a swollen lip, a couple bruises, scratches on his back, and hickeys all over his stomach from last night. I know he gets turned on by it anyway... and it bothers me more the next day than it does him.

 

The thing is, he never does it back, besides holding me down or whatever... He's really afraid to hurt me, which is sweet... so I don't know why it bothers me. I've kind of hinted that I want him to take control, but maybe it's just not his thing when it's going the other direction. I do like the sweet kisses and everything... it's just that this has been something I've thought about since I started fantasizing. That sex = better when there's some pain involved. And I can't get it out of my mind, even though I know there's got to be something really wrong with that. We have a really great relationship, we've been dating five months, we've never gotten in a real fight or even been angry with each other... So what's up with me? Why can't I be satisfied with just passion? >.

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wow thats hot hannah I had a g/f like you and i dont know why but it turned me on so much. I couldnt take off my shirt around people because i had scratches all over my back where she would digg her nails in. Alot like your b/f i didnt want to be to rough on her because i didnt want to hurt her. Things i did do though was bite her especialy the nec (not super hard but hard enough to her turned on) and pin her down. Its different for a woman.. i mean if she would have gone back home with straches and hickeys and bruises everywhere on her body.. i wouldnt made it look like i was an abusive b/f. But for a guy.. having a fat lip or black eye isnt THAT bad (for some). Maybe you and your b/f should talk about how much you want to be "hurt" so there is a set limit where he knows what is and isnt acceptable.

 

Anyway, once he gets to know the limits of what he can do to you im sure he will be abit more rough with you

 

Anyway Hannah, things will work out for the better

Have fun!

 

 

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I like my pleasure spiked with pain..

 

I don't think it's as rare as people think. Especially when you consider the effects of the endorphin rush.

 

However, this type of thing can sometimes be abused by the people involved in it which is why it is vital that you sit down and talk straight up with your bf about it.

 

A trick, if he doesn't want to be in control, is to tell him to bite you. Order him too. (If it's going that way.) You get the sensation you want and he doesn't have to assume a role he is uncomfortable with. If you both want the other to take control though, you may have to do a bit of negotiating and compromise.

 

(And this is really nothing bad. I think I have a dentist fetish. That's upsetting! )

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Pain and pleasure are pretty closely related. After what was probably the best sex I've had yet, I had scratch marks all down my back. I also had red marks on my neck from biting, not hard, just really scraping teeth against the skin.

 

Don't be embarrassed by it. Enjoy it. Have fun. Sex (and everything else) is supposed to be fun! Just don't get too carried away....

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Oh, trust me on this one...there are plenty of people who are into what you've described and more. Nothing to be embarrassed about, you're not weird...you're just wired differently.

 

There are, in fact, groups of folks who get together to socialize and hold or attend workshops and demos to learn how to do painful stuff to consenting loved ones without inflicting permanent damage. If the group route isn't for you (yet... ), there are a bunch of books on the topic. A good general one is link removed or link removed. I went to a couple workshops lead by Jay Wiseman a few years ago...he knows his stuff, and he's been doing this for a lot longer than I have.

 

I've been involved in the public BDSM scene for about 8 years now. Considering the types of fantasies I've had since my teen years, I'd say I've been kinky for my entire adult life. It's just that I didn't start to put the pieces together and have an appropriate partner to explore with until my mid-30's. Once I figured it out, I stopped dating non-kinky people. Stuff I liked and the power dynamic I wanted in a relationship just freaked them out OR they'd wrongly assume that "kinky" equated to "just looking to get laid." I met my husband through a BDSM-themed website that has message boards where folks discuss their relationships...kind of like here, only for kinky people.

 

Both my husband and I have had previous partners who tried to shame us for what we like and called us "freaks" and worse (and not in a happy, fun way). Since our slinkys are pretty much kinked in a complimentary ways, we're great together. If an unsuspecting person wandered into our basement, they'd probably run screaming out of our house (we just finished a "basement-to-dungeon" converson). Our typical Saturday night would have some folks calling 911 and some calling a battered women's shelter.

 

So, explore to your heart's content. Just make sure you're doing things as safely as possible. That's where workshops/demos and books can come in handy. There's the pleasurable variety of pain, but there's also that "just plain hurts" kind of pain, and there's also "I think I need a doctor" kinda pain. Stick with the first one, avoid the latter two. Play hard, but play safe.

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heh I'm exactly like that. When my husband and I were together the first time, we were always going at each other like that. I loved when he'd take control and do things his way and other times I'd take control and do it my way. We haven't really been able to do it since we've been back together because I'm worried of hurting our son. Soon though

 

So yeah, I think you're completely normal.

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Since our slinkys are pretty much kinked in a complimentary ways, we're great together.

 

Dare I say best quote ever?

 

But back to your pain thing, if you trust your boyfriend just have a talk with him. When me and my girlfriend were in the akward first couple of weeks of having sex together it was kinda crappy because we didn't know what each other liked and we were both really quiet. I thought dirty talking is really hot but I didn't know if she felt the same so I was afraid to say anything, so when I had a few too many drinks one night I told her, she agreed and said she wanted to tell the same to me but again was afraid of my reaction. I know my girlfriend likes stuff like what you're describing too, so you're definitely not alone. She likes me to be really dominant, not necessarily to the point of pain, but she likes some scratching, biting, me holding her down hard, or just grabbing her wherever we are in the house , throwing her on a table, and having my way with her.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you want out of sex, and telling yourself that it is bad or wrong somehow is only going to make you less likely to actually open up about it. The sex is on a whole different level when you trust each other and open up to your fantasies and let your partner know what really turns you on!

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Thanks. The problem is... I've hinted pretty strongly what I like, and he's still too afraid to hurt me. : (

 

I guess maybe that's just one of those things I'll have to live without. It feels weird to say straight out, "I want you to take control of me." It'd be so much more sexy if he would just do it.

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I guess maybe that's just one of those things I'll have to live without. It feels weird to say straight out, "I want you to take control of me." It'd be so much more sexy if he would just do it.

 

What you're asking for goes against the cultural norm.

 

There isn't a single male Dominant I know who didn't initially struggle with what they were taught ("never hit a woman") and what they desired to do....and that's for the guys who WANTED to take that kind of control.

 

Communication is a HUGE part of having a satisfying sexual life...no matter if your sexual life is strictly missionary position in the dark or a crowd of hundreds with the lights on and every prop you can get your hands on.

 

Perhaps you could pick up one of the books I suggested and look through it together. I always found that to be a pretty good starting point with a potential partner.

 

If you want this bad enough...if it is truly an expression of your unique sexuality and not just a "Hey, let's try THIS" kind of moment...the desire is not going to go away. I've met enough kinky folk who have tried to put those desires on a back burner in an attempt to maintain a relationship with a non-kinky partner. It very rarely works in the long run.

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Don't be embarrassed hun, I am the same way. My boyfriend isn't as vocal as yours is about sex though. He would be happy if we just didn't the same exact position over and over again. I'm def. the wilder one in the relationship.

 

I've loved it when my b/f has taken control in the past, and yes I do wish that we had that more. I even get really turned on when we just playfully wrestle.

 

Don't think you are weird for finding that to be a turn on because you aren't the only one. I agree with agent, I don't think it's as rare as people think, I just think people stay quiet about it because it's considered so "taboo".

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