Jump to content

NC from the dumper's perspective..


shikashika
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'm not the dumper in this situation...but i'm trying to put myself in the dumper's shoes.

 

I fully understand that NC is to heal ME when i've been dumped..

 

But, if I dumped someone, and they completely avoided me, and I felt bad about it and wanted to talk to them, or if i even regretted it... there is NO WAY i would try to contact someone who has given me no contact. I would be afraid of contacting them even if i wanted to.

 

I remember on the other side, breaking up with someone, and he didn't contact me... I wanted to contact him, but he was avoiding me... I was sad, but really wanted to contact him..and even regretted it a bit

 

i think we should just look at it from their perspective... if we secretly want them back... then don't completely avoid them... or they will NEVER contact you..

i certainly wouldn't even if i was in that situation and i wanted them back..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If a dumper truly regrets their decision, he/she will find a way to come back. They will understand that the dumpee is not contacting them because of the emotional turmoil and the dumper would at that point be ready to make amends and initiate contact. I gather you wanted to contact him just to touch base and not to get back together again. I am sure if you really wanted to get back together with him, you would have contacted him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends on what you want from life. Do you want a mate who has the courage to go and say what he is feeling to you, regardless of the risk, especially if he was the dumper? How can you build back your relationship without this "effort" on his part? I really believe in "no contact". It's best for YOU. If the ex feels they have made a mistake and they really are serious and honest about wanting to try again, then nothing will stop them from making the call to say so... and if they do not choose to call because they are "afraid" of rejection....hmmmm.... that's a coward... who wants to build back a relationship with a coward? Don't you want a man who would make the effort and take the risk to win you back? Why settle for anything less?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

when i was in the other situation... i wouldn't have done anything about it... nothing to do with 'courage' and doing anything to get your love back..

 

even if i had realised i made the biggest mistake... no i wouldn't go crawing back and say ' oh dear, i madea mistake'

 

just saying that sometimes doing NC may make our ex disappear for good, even if we want reconciliation

Link to comment
Share on other sites

wouldn't have WANTED them to do anything... because I wasn't interested in getting back together... but he always contacted me first.... he made the effort to be friends.. no way would i have contacted him, even though i broke up with him... he made it quite clear that he wasn't wanting any contact

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally think its not wise to start NC until there has been only positive communication for a while. You can do NC to cool down when things are really negative right after a breakup but then I think you should break the NC and establish something really positive before resuming NC. The dumper should definitely feel like they can contact you. Youre just not after them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See this is my issue with NC. After my fiance and I broke up we had a very emotional conversation about the whole thing where I told him that he could come back. I even went so far as to tell him that even if he thought he couldn't, he could and that he shouldn't be afraid. He told me that I hit the nail on the head with the last part because I know that he's the kind of person that would be afraid to come back after the pain he caused. Some people think that they should do something because they think it's "best" for the other person. That may have more to do with their own self esteem than the reality of what is best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally think its not wise to start NC until there has been only positive communication for a while. You can do NC to cool down when things are really negative right after a breakup but then I think you should break the NC and establish something really positive before resuming NC. The dumper should definitely feel like they can contact you. Youre just not after them.

 

I like that way of looking at it. If the breakup was fairly amicable, of course -- no cheating, abuse, etc. I feel like it's important for the other person to know that NC is not being done as the "silent treatment," as a form of revenge. Unfortuantely, it seems like it's easy to misinterpret someone doing NC for their own sake and for the sake of moving on, and instead see it as the dumpee saying, "FINE, BE THAT WAY, see if I ever talk to you again." So if there are still feelings...it should be made clear that NC is for healing, not for being spiteful...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...