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was doing well with NC and then...


sillygurl
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I can't believe it! I am doing so well with NC, it's only day 2 (lol!) but I was feeling really strong and ready to move on. The last times I did LC it was nearly impossible, every day felt like torture. This time I've been feeling secure and ready to move on and really confident about the future without him in it.

 

So anyway, I'm going out of town this weekend and my ex's cousin, who I am going to see, asked me could I please pick something up from the ex on my way out... Oh NO! I can't see the ex, this means I have to start NC over! It also means that I have to see his beautiful face w/out having the option of kissing it, and look at the arms I can't snuggle inside of.

 

crud.

 

Any advice on how to behave/act?

thanks!

 

SG

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there is no GOOD reason that you need to go and pick something up, you're still too vulnerable to have any contact, so why would you? I think it's so much better for you to tell your ex's cousin that you are unable to "pick something up" and you're too busy to do so" that's that, no need to explain why, just say you are unable to do the favor.... To see your ex now will only be an emotional setback for you...and during this fragile time it's always best to protect your own heart one day at a time through the "no contact" rule... Do NOT go and pick anything up from his place..it's so not a good thing to do.. okay?

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Yeah, I think you're both right, I should get out of seeing him somehow. The sight of him really does make me weak, he's gorgeous beyond description...

 

He called me yesterday, and I was SO PROUD of myself for not picking up the phone! Even after I listened to the message, I stayed strong and told myself not to call him back, not to email him, until at least two weeks have passed. (I wanted to make a month my goal, but who are we kidding) I have his IM address blocked and erased from from my list, so I can't even think about contacting him. Seeing him would be a terrible setback.

 

The cousin (as well as the rest of the family, whom I will also see this weekend) knows we are not together, but doesn't know that it's hard for me. She thinks I'm happily out seeing other people and completely over him. I have been out, and have seen other people, but "happily" hardly describes the god-awful dates I forced myself to go on! (What we put ourselves through to move on, siiiiiigh.)

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice, both of you.

 

SG

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You and me both sillygirl! You'll be my NC buddy. she called me up 2x the other day, and silly me, called back, (this is my first time to call her in a few days) and when she did pick up, I was like "hey, whats up" she said "oh, I'm going to amoeba" and "i was like oh, with him?" "she said "yeah."

 

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CALL ME THEN?!?!?! to GLOAT????? (i didnt really say that, but I hung up on her "alright i'll leave you then".

 

she didnt call me till the next morning, but by then it's too late. she tried calling me again just a few minutes ago, but i didnt pick up.

 

someone posted here something about "BS", and you know silly girl, we dont need the BS!

 

hangin there! i have to myself... goodluck.

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You and me both sillygirl! You'll be my NC buddy. she called me up 2x the other day, and silly me, called back, (this is my first time to call her in a few days) and when she did pick up, I was like "hey, whats up" she said "oh, I'm going to amoeba" and "i was like oh, with him?" "she said "yeah."

 

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CALL ME THEN?!?!?! to GLOAT????? (i didnt really say that, but I hung up on her "alright i'll leave you then"

 

OMG you're in SF, Amoeba is that Kick-A** amazing record store, isn't it?! I'm so jealous! But I digress. What a lame thing for her to call and tell you about her going out with the other guy! She sucks, that's just mean of her. How immature!

 

Sure, I'll be your NC buddy, are we both on day two? I have to warn you though, it'll be a lot easier for me though, because my ex won't call me, not even to gloat. Once he doesn't hear from me, he'll be history! My own fault; I've always been there for him, always gone out of my way for him, he completely takes me for granted. Anyway, good luck bogs, and maybe you can block her number.

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My only thought is that you shouldnt have taken it to "with him?" Thats gives her power, shows that you are still obsessing about her being with another man.

 

If you dont get back together, you dont want her having that knowledge that she ruled your thoughts with her new man.

 

If you do get back together, having this whole drama about this other man (and you know you cant be mad at a SINGLE ex GF for dating...sorry to be blunt, she isnt yours anymore) is going to drain the life out of you both before you get things off the ground.

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there is no GOOD reason that you need to go and pick something up, you're still too vulnerable to have any contact, so why would you? I think it's so much better for you to tell your ex's cousin that you are unable to "pick something up" and you're too busy to do so" that's that, no need to explain why, just say you are unable to do the favor.... To see your ex now will only be an emotional setback for you...and during this fragile time it's always best to protect your own heart one day at a time through the "no contact" rule... Do NOT go and pick anything up from his place..it's so not a good thing to do.. okay?

 

Ditto

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You all are all so great to help me with this!

 

Well, I couldn't figure out how to tell the cousin no, since I didn't want to start any of the drama that long explanations usually create. So I waited till it was dark to meet him, (where I wouldn't be able to see his handsome face and swoon) and met him outside...

 

...are you sitting down for this?

...ok, sit down...

 

and he met me, hugged and kissed me, then told me he wanted to get back together!

 

I was like...what did you say? Are you sure? OMG. Are you sure you're sure? You mean like, you want to be my b/f and I'll be your g/f? You mean like, you want to get back together???? (OK, admittedly, I think I was in shock)

 

And then I had to go. I drove all the way home with my mouth hanging open.

 

SO WHAT DO I DO NOW?!

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