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s. barnes
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Long story with many twists and turns but I will try and keep it concise and to the point:

 

My ex and I split about three months ago. We'd been dating for a year and a half. I met him while I was still in college - I did a project for his company. He was so impressed with my work, he hired me as his assistant when I graduated. I was 22 and didn't realize till later that he was only 30 - he looked and acted so much older. I don't know what possessed me to start "flirting" with this man (I'm not that type and was NOT attracted to him) - but I think realizing he was young and single, I thought if I broke the ice between us that would make working full-time a whole lot easier. So the conversation got looser between us and we found ourselves divulging personal information that should not have been shared between boss and employee. I had a boyfriend whom I'd been dating for almost 5 years (and wanted to propose), he had a girlfriend whom he'd been dating for 2 years.

 

Perhaps we gravitated towards one another originally because we were both pretty unhappy in our relationships - whatever the reason, eventually it became a full-blown production. I split with my boyfriend a couple months after it started, he split with his girlfriend a couple months after that. The relationship was pretty intense. But it was hard on me, working for someone I was so intimately connected with and I wasn't happy living in the town I was either. So I took a new job and I moved four hours away. We didn't talk for about a month after I moved and then picked up right where we left off, this time as a full-blown couple (we'd had to keep things under wraps because of work.) There were alot of ups and downs though (mostly on my end because I'm young and still trying to figure * * * * out) but on his end, he's one of those guys that's trying to build an empire and puts work first always. All of this should've caused major blowouts between the two of us, and while there were some tense conversations, we never argued and we're always very open and honest. It was always good too when we were together. We just loved being around one another. I always thought of our relationship as multi-faceted: part teacher/student; part lovers; part best friends; and in a way he was sort of a protector.

 

We went back and forth - knowing the distance and the timing were not right but could never really stay away from each other for more than a couple days. Finally three months ago (via phone), we knew it needed to be done for good. The separation has been a slow process. Eventually, I told him I was dating other people and then he recently began casually dating someone new too (which is heartbreaking for me). But with all the communication between us there was never a real "break" in the relationship. Finally, I drove down there and confronted it head on. He said he loved me tremendously, missed me, but wasn't "in love" with me to make it work long distance. I, of course, was devastated by this. So he explained that what he meant was that with me being 4 hours away and us leading two totally different lives, that was no basis for a relationship or being "in love" with each other. I had to agree actually. He said he hadn't "closed the door" and that if timing and distance problems were solved later on down the road - he would be open to the possibility of us giving it another shot and being "in love" again.

 

This was closure for me. However, this break-up technically happened three months ago and I'm still devastated. And as much as I know there's nothing more to say - I'm sadder now than I've ever been about all this. And I don't want to put stock in what he says about us figuring it out later on down the road - but I think that's preventing me from moving on. This man is now 32 though, has never been married, and from what I can tell does not see himself taking that step in the near future - so what I am waiting for, I don't know.

 

Sorry for the long explanation, but I believe the history is important. If anyone has any words of advice - I find myself being hung up on the possibility of it working out in the future and the whole him not being "in love" with me. I want to move past this, I just don't know how.

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He may have been trying to protect your feelings by saying you may get together in the future.

 

However, he has made it contingent on time and distance, and unless you see that happening any time soon, let it go.

 

How? Well, get out, meet new people, make time for yourself. I'm sure there are so many things you have wanted to do but never found time for. Set goals, make daily plans. I took up photography and French cooking! I started dance classes.

 

Point is - focus on yourself, spend as much time in the company of others and he will occupy your mind less and less.

 

When are you more likely to obsess over him? Sitting at home alone watching TV? Or out maybe in a evening dance class with loads of acquaintances and nice music? For me, it was the first.

 

You will get over him. You just have to try...VERY HARD.

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