girlfriend doesn't trust me!!!!

[XxMaErCs13xX]

Things have been pretty decent with my girl lately. I've written a few other posts about her recently and in the past.

 

I thought things were getting better between us but something happened today that let me know they probably aren't. - I call her about an hour ago to see how she's doing. I wake her so at first she doesn't have much to say because she's just waking up, still a bit disoriented.

 

But we're not on the phone for 5 minutes and she's telling me she has a bad feeling about a certain webpage that I have. Now, everyone and their mama has a MySpace account. I've had mine for over a year, whatever, that's not important.

 

She starts telling me that she wants us to delete our accounts because it's causing too many problems in our relationship. Says she's having all these bad feelings and she doesn't believe anything I tell her when it comes to what I do on the website.

 

Now, I don't want you thinking this is me fighting with her simply to keep my Myspace account, because I could care less about the account. She loves saying that I don't want to delete it because it's more important to me than our relationship (is that something that all women say when they're not getting their way??) just a question.

 

I'm a pretty attractive guy so naturally there are ladies hitting me up all the time on the site. the send notes and comments and whatever; those of you who have a myspace know the routine. - Now I have pictures of the two of us, of our son, along with my family and friends on my page. It clearly states that I'm in a relationship and from the looks of the pictures you can easily see that I'm in a relationship.

 

For some reason she's having these 'bad feelings' about me having a page, saying that I let ladies 'disrespect our relationship'. Saying I let ladies disrespect her. Saying I let ladies 'cross the line', and saying I flirt right back when they do. - - She even told me today, "the girls probably tell you, 'oh you're so fine. I wanna **** you!' and you don't say anything! you just let them say it!!" - -

 

In all honesty women have spoken to me like that IN PERSON and it's a turn off. Why would it 'magically' turn me on 'cause they say the same things on the internet? - She has done nothing but ASSUME I let ladies disrespect her and the relationship. She ASSUMES I play along when they cross line.

 

The thing about this has been an issue before. She asked, "When you talk to these girls online do you keep it strictly 'online'?" I told her my answer and she immediately didn't believe me. In the past (when we weren't together) I met 3 girls and we've stayed pretty good friends since; nothing ever happened between us because I didn't want it to. They may have wanted to, but I didn't. But since she and I got back together a couple of months ago I haven't done anything like that. I've NEVER let anyone disrespect her our relationship. - As a matter of fact, the ladies that contact me always make comments like, "congrats on your beautiful son. you have a beautiful family" "Your girlfriend is beautiful!" - Whether they mean it or not I don't know, but no one as EVER disrespected our relationship.

 

I tell her these things and it doesn't matter. She doesn't believe me; she says "I don't believe you're being totally honest with me." ?!!! - I don't know what else to tell her; this is extremely frustrating. - - Then she'll say, if you won't delete the page I want your password. SIKE!!! - I don't invade her personal space so I'm not letting her invide mine just because she has a 'bad feeling'.

 

It's all a matter of TRUST to me. If she can't take my word for it then she just doesn't trust me, plane and simple. I haven't done ANYTHING wrong for her to 'THINK' anything is going on so why should I suffer because she's a little uneasy? - I feel when she asked me the first time...and i gave her my answer....that should've been the END of that issue. But she brought it up again once I got out here (I'm deployed) about 4 weeks ago. I tell her the same answer and she give me the same treatment she gave me today. - THEN she asks me again today out of nowhere!!

 

I feel if she couldn't take my FIRST answer from the get go that's showing me she has no TRUST in what I say. - - - She says she does. I tell her she can say she trusts me 'till she's blue in the face, but she doesn't, because if she DID then this myspace thing wouldn't be an issue. Am I right? Yes? No? let me know... - - -

 

I tell her she can't say anything to me when it comes to trust because there was a point when she was staying with some guy she worked with 'cause she her mom kicked her out of the house. She was staying with him and his cousin (a female). Now,....sure I'm crazy for letting that happen,...(even tho we weren't together at the time) but I trusted her. I mean WHO KNOWS what happened when I left his house, 'cause she was staying there. Only she, her friend, and GOD know. I TRUST her. I never even question it. He did her a favor, who knows how she paid him in return. - - You know what, I'll NEVER know if anything happened between the two of them. Like I said, i'm probably crazy for letting that happen. I mean, my son was there too. - I didn't stress about it. IF they were doing anything Karma is a real WITCH and they'll get theirs in due time. BUT I trusted her BLINDLY. Never questioned it. I 'knew' nothing was going on. - WHY can't she trust me when it comes to something so simple as a website?! -

 

I recently posted a topic in 'Relationship Commitment'. For those of you who read that......THIS is why I feel SHE'S not ready for marriage. This is why I'm NOT even thinking of the idea of marriage when it comes to her. SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME!!!

 

 

 

AGAIN, this isn't about keeping a website, this is about her not having any trust in what I say to her.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Hmmm... not really sure what to say.

There are definitely issues there that you both need to work on. Sometimes, when we think we have found the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives, we find anything and everything to be a threat to breaking that up, I know it's taken me all three years of my relationship with Luke to FINALLY start to settle down and trust him and trust that he won't leave me for someone else.

 

Some people have had things happen to them in the past that makes it more difficult to trust people...

 

If you guys are considering marriage, I would definitely suggest you guys going to counselling before you undertake such a big commitment. The worst thing to do would be to marry with these underlying problems.....

 

Good luck with it...

[heloladies21]

This is a test. I know, because I had to pass a very similar one exactly a week ago. Here's what happened to me.

 

I was just driving around wth my gf in my car and every one in a while I look around to see who's next to me in other cars. Not for any specific reason, just looking off into space basically. She accuses me of checking out these girls and I have no idea what she's talking about because I honestly don't even remember looking at them. So I proceed to try and ease her mind and explain myself saying things like "I don't even remember who you're talking about" "I just look around sometimes with no real reason", but she doesn't let the situation drop. This goes on for about 10 minutes. So a little light bulb goes off in my head and I decide to handle it differently and start ripping her about not trusting me, how I trust her when she's not around about other guys, basically making her feel guilty about accusing me of this unwarrented stuff. At that point either she understood what I was telling her as the truth or we were going to have some time to think things over on our own. But she backed down as I called her out on her BS and how she doesn't trust me.

 

You need to do something similar. You've done enough explaining to her, this is actually reenforcing her insecurities when you reassure her and be all understanding. It's not the way to go in this kind of situation. When someone attacks your integrity as a man, the way to handle it is stern and with force. This is not the time to console her, it's the time to let her know that she's wrong, that she's wrong to accuse you of it, and that she should feel guilty for accusing you of it.

 

Do not take your myspace down, this would also just reenforce her insecurities and make problems worse because the tests only get worse when you fail them.

[rose2summer]

I agree with HL here.

 

Although you want to curb her insecurities, you also don't want to be subject to her manipulation and control measures.

 

Trust is crucial to the success of a relationship, so it may be best to discuss that with her and get some couples counseling.

 

Her insecurities will drive a ridge between you two over time.

 

Hugs, Rose

[XxMaErCs13xX]

HL, Rose, I totally hear what you're saying. I've stood my ground. I stood it when I was on the phone with her when this came up. I don't know if I was TOO harsh.

 

I told her (when I was a bit irritated) if she didn't start 'singing a different tune' about myspace, and if she didn't start trusting what I say that she'd have to go. That I couldn't be with a woman that didn't trust me over something so simple. I told her she had a week to get it together, and that it would be in her best intrest for the topic NOT to rise again.

 

I eventually calmed down and told her she needed to trust me if she had the slightest thought of marrying me in her head. That we wouldn't go anywhere if she couldn't trust me. - I also said that I was a bit irritated when I said what I said about her having to get it together within a week or she'd be gone, BUT stood by what I said. She has a week to get that thought of me deleting my myspace account out of her head and to quit doubting my word. and if there was ever a moment where I doubted her trust in me that the relationship would be done and over with for once and for all, 'cause I wasn't going to play these games anymore.

 

I don't know if that was too much, but I'm sticking to what I said.

 

Thanks!!

[heloladies21]

Good for you to stick up for yourself, but why even give her a week? This is something she can understand instantly and you don't want to let it fester cause the problem will grow in that time.

[confused25]

Well if you're saying you don't care about the myspace page then why don't you just close it to make her happy? It's not like you need that page for anything, and there's really no point in getting all worked up about this when you can just shut it down. It's also going to be a good way to show her that you have nothing to hide.

[Jlizzy]

I disagree with heloladies!!!!

 

Granted Xxmaer -don't let yourself be walked over by her. Enough is enough it's not fair the way she's pushing you on this HOWEVER..I know for myself..I tend to follow the theory that if my man reacts defensively..I will start wondering what he has to hide..if however he explains calmly and with understanding then i will feel more at ease.

 

I had this with my ex and have been having such feelings with my bf recently...if he reacts defensively to a questions I can't help but wonder..or if he questions me like he did last night about my "manfriend" I can't help but wonder then too..

 

Open communication guys!! We all need to learn this lesson!

Quit the games! Lifes too short as they say!

[Smile_83]

I think it's more than just myspace. I personallly think she's trying to see how far she could push you. It takes time to trust someone. maybe she feels a bit unsecure.

[Rabican]

She does have somewhat of a point I think. Personally I think a myspace account is basically a billboard (advertisement) for people to meet people. Granted you can use it to keep in touch with long lost friends, people who are off to school whatever... but also it can be used to meet the new chickies. How about taking down your pics? Any friends who know who you are, dont really need to see your pics. That would probably reduce the amount of skanks hitting on you via your website, and would not give your girl any reason to believe that you WANT the attention. I think that is probably the crux of this whole thing. She thinks you like, or want that attention that you are getting on the website. Show her that you dont.

 

Personally I dont use a myspace acct, and If my girl were to set one up I would probably be a little put off by it just because I know the type of guys that would be contacting her. Guys just looking out for their penis and nothing else.

[XxMaErCs13xX]

Ok, I see what you say about just getting rid of it. SURE that would give her some comfort. But then I'd be giving her exactly what she wants. I said before this isn't about keeping a website, it's about the fact that she can't trust my word.

 

I know tons of guys contact her on HER myspace page 'cause she's very attractive and I don't sweat it because I know where her heart lies. I NEVER question her. I TRUST her. & if I ever thought of questioning her I'd take her first answer and be done with it. I wouldn't bring it up again.

 

That's TRUST. That's the sort of trust she doesn't have in me. - Sure the website is causing problems in her eyes, but how if I'm not doing anything wrong?? - If I give in and delete my page she's getting what she wants; she wins. - Not that this is a game or anything, but you know what I mean. - She's always been the type to see how far she can get until I snap back and stand my ground.

 

I'm a nice guy by nature. I can't stand conflict, arguing, or anything like that. So I usually back off, or let her have her way for the sake of the argument. - Not that I have anything to hide or that I'm doing anything I shouldn't be,....I just don't feel I should let her have her way AGAIN. She should be able to respect me, trust my word and quit worrying about NOTHING.

 

Another thing is when I'm at home I'm rarely on the computer; I may get on for a little bit, respond to a message or two, then I'm off. - I'm online a lot more now because I'm deployed and we don't have much to do. I feel she's getting all worked up because she can't come look ever my shoulder and see who I'm writing to. I feel since I'm out here she knows she can't complain about me being on the computer all the time (like she could if I were home) so all these thoughts of me doing something 'dirty' are running through her head.

 

I mean, I'm out here in the desert, I'm calling her all the time. I had flowers delivered for her. - I took her back after all the problems we had and she still wants to cause unessessary drama. Not saying that I'm 'God's gift to women' or anything like that, but she knows she messed things up between us in the past. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell we'd get back together. As far as I'm concerned she should be happy I had my 'change of heart' and decided to take her back. Since she messed up in the past I feel she should be doing any and everything to keep things 'peachy'. There has always been an issue about her trust in me. Why can't she 'get it together' and learn to trust what I say?

 

That's why I say this is much more deeper than the website. it's about her trust in me and what I say. Especially if I'm NOT getting all crazy and defensive or anything. - When she asks I keep my cool and tell her nothing is going on, she has nothing to worry about. Then she starts assuming and jumping to conclusions. Saying, "oh I bet this girl said something bad about me, and I bet she said something about me too!" - I tell her that's not true, and she doesn't believe me!! -Then I start getting irritated. For one, this is the 3rd time she brought the same topic up. and for two, she's not believing a word I'm saying to her. WHY?!! I've never given her a reason not to believe me. -

 

I mean if a lady is getting to know a guy and is as two-faced as can be, IF she's trying to get on his good side YOU'D THINK the last thing she's do is say something out of line about his family; about his girl. - If anything she's just going to make you think she actually cares (I'm speaking about the two-faced ladies only. There are some are there!!) - A scandalous woman with 'hidden intensions' isn't going to key into any of your girl's bad traits unless you TELL THEM. She'll hear what u have to say about her, then make sure she's not doing any of the bad things your girl does to make herself look like a 'better deal' in the man's eyes. - - - But if I'm not doing anything like that she has nothing to worry about, right?? and when I tell her she should believe me, right??- - - - My point by saying this is a female isn't going to contact me on myspace and talk badly about my girlfriend if she's trying to be my 'friend'. Sure there are ladies that could care less and say exactly whats on their minds, but GENERALLY SPEAKING, it wouldn't happen.

 

THIS IS DEEPER THAN MYSPACE, IT'S ABOUT HER TRUST IN ME!!!!!!!!

[finewhine]

I am so, so confused. My experience with MySpace is totally contradictory to the idea that it's some sort of dating site.

 

I have never "met" anyone on MySpace. It's more of a tool for me and my friends and acquaintences to post stupid comments and pictures and let each other know about open-invite events, such as rock shows and gallery openings and large parties. I have also used it to get in touch with old friends from college and high school.

 

Thus, I think it's completely unreasonable for your girlfriend to freak out about your account. You're right when you say it's about her. It's not about trust, either. I think it's about control. You could just as easily (more easily, I would think) get hit on or hit on someone when you're at a bar or walking down the street. She's testing you somehow.

 

Also, what's with the stuff about girls posting comments or messaging you about her? What girl would do that? That's totally unlikely and a little self-centered of her to think.

 

Hmm, are you sure you want to stay with her?

[XxMaErCs13xX]

I've been thinking about it long and hard all day today finewhine. My friend even showed me a little scene from Tyler Perry's play "Medea Goes to Jail" because I kept talking his ear off about my situation.

 

In the scene she's talking to her some young man about a situation his ex and he are going through; I believe she left him (I only saw this one scene, so I don't know for sure). But Madea starts talking about things men and women do, about the signs that show when a man or woman is doing wrong, etc.

 

Then Madea starts talking about how his nephew got confused when it came to his ex. That when significant others come into our lives they're either 'seasonal' or 'for life'. Sometimes we have a significant other that comes into our lives who's supposed to teach us a few life lessons and that's it, those people are 'seasonal'. & of course the ones who are there for you through thick and thin, who you have total peace with when you're with them are the 'lifers'. Sometimes we don't know which is which. We get a 'seasonal' significant other in our lives and we think that's love and we latch on to him/her. Then months or years down the road when we're wondering what went wrong when we don't have piece in our lives when it comes to that 'special person'. - Our goal is to find a 'lifer'.

 

Madea goes on to say she compares to trees. - First are the leaves.

 

There are people we meet that blow which ever way the wind blows. They hang around for a while, but when the season changes they're gone. The leaves wither up and die. We can't hold that against them, some people are just like that. Those are the leaves.

 

Then come the people who are branches. You feel they're going to be there forever. They're there for you, holding you up, right there at your side for a minute. Then a strong wind or storm comes and they break off; they're gone. Those people are out of your life just like that.

 

But the most important ones are the roots. The ones who are always there for you. You don't have to see then all the time, speak with them all the time, but they're always there. Everyone doesn't need to know or see that you all have this unspoken bond. You know it, they know it; it's there. You're a blessed person if you have a few people who are roots in your life.

 

Now sometimes there are a few people in our lives you have to be strait up with. They do things you don't like. When you confront them and say, "Hey, if we're going to be friends, if you're going to be a part of my life you're going to have to stop doing this this & this. & if you fix that then we're fine." - The ones who fix what they need to, or at least make an attempt to fix it, they're all right. You can work with them. By changing or trying to change they're showing you they care. - The ones who don't bother to change can be gone.

 

If that threw anyone off, I'm sorry. and I'm sure for those of you who've seen the play know I may not have said everything to a 'T', but you all know what I'm getting at.

 

After seeing that scene I have a bad feeling that my girlfriend was one of the 'seasonal' girls and I got mixed up. I mean, she and I have had TONS of problems in the past years. - Then I give her credit because when I'd tell her she'd need to get her **** together, she'd do it, or she'd try at least. - - - But how many times am I going to let her try to get it right? How many chances am I going to give her? - When is enough enough?!

 

 

OHHH, and I JUST checked my MYSPACE account and have a few letters from her. I'm going to post them so you can see how this girl talks to me. - I'm guessing I signed out HOURS ago and it says I'm still online, either on myspace or on my messenger. I told her before I got offline that I'd CALL HER later on or tomorrow, but look what she says to me:

 

 

letter #1:

 

Hey what happened? I thought you said you were going to get online. I rushed to my moms house to get online....and you aint on! Its about 1:20 my time, so I guess I will only wait a few minutes. I am sure I just missed you, you are on decided to call someone or something like that. I guess just call me whenever. I will talk to you soon!

 

 

letter#2:

 

Oh.....and by the way you son says....I Love you Daddy!

(AWWWW, how sweet!!!!!!)

 

letter#3:

 

I can't ****ing believe you. I get online you aren't on...then I get on msn you are on then when I send you a message you just ****ing blow me off. So whatever you want to be like that while your gone then fine but don't ****n' expect me to be there at your becken call. I'll talk to you whenever. Since your to busy calling and talkin to your other girlfriends. Like (a girl's name) and ****. So what the **** ever.You where the one tellin me I don't want to fight with you and here you are blowin me off. But whatever that is all you.

 

 

 

OK, she sent me those about 15 minutes before I signed online and started typing this post!! - I wasn't online avoiding her, I was in the gym!! I JUST got here about 7 minutes ago! - But my messenger or myspace may have said I was online. The notes one after another let me know she was trying to get a hold of me, wasn't getting a response from me, so she gets mad thinking I'm avoiding her talking to some other girls. - You guys see what I'm dealing with here?!!!!

 

THAT'S why I'm thinking she's just a 'seasonal' girl, even tough I have no idea what she may have taught me. It was probably how much crap I can put up with before I can't take it anymore!! lol, no that was mean. - But she has some trust issues, some control issues. SOMETHING'S wrong with this girl. - - And she doesn't seem to get these things she does, the way she speaks to me is doing nothing but pushing me away.

 

WHAT DO I DO?!!!!

[Aschleigh]

You have a girlfriend and a son and you are letting a myspace account come between you?

Will your life be altered terribly if you just delete it for now?

Can you get some marriage counseling? The issue isn't myspace, that's just a symptom.

[XxMaErCs13xX]

I can see her latching onto myspace because it's a problem in her eyes. But if I'm telling her nothing is going on, and nothing IS going on, isn't it wrong for her to doubt me? Is it ok that she DOESN'T trust my word? IF I were to give in and delete my page then what next? -

 

Like finewhine said, I can easily get hit on countless times just walking down the street alone. If she suspects I'm doing somthing wrong am I supposed to sacrifice walking down the street a by myself? Am I supposed to take her everywhere I go just so she can have a 'warm & fuzzy' feeling?? I don't think so. - Can't you see the way she over reacted when she 'thought' I was online and I was 'ignoring' her? - It's much deeper than the website.

 

couples counseling didn't help. She thought it would. I personally thought if she and I can't make it work there's no need of having a stranger step in and give advice. ESPECIALLY when she's going to say the same things I've been saying for the past years. - I'm not the one that needs help here. I'm not the one who's insecure, who's jealous, who's having control issues. I'm not doing anything wrong here.

 

That's not denial, that's REAL TALK. -

[finewhine]

She's totally out of line. Does she know you're so close to ending things because of her jealousy problem?

 

I don't know what I would do. If there wasn't a kid involved, I'd say dump her a**. I would lay it out on the line for her, though, so she knows what's at stake if she continues this behavior.

[Dilly]

Would you consider merely giving her your password to the myspace account? You want it, just give her access to see what's up. I think you're being a bit of a bully, myself and accusing her of being one. I think youre pretty clear on how good-looking you are and you like letting the ENA board know (you mentioned it a dozen or so times), so that's what you're also doing on myspace. Just my thoughts.

[Dilly]

That came off a bit judgmental and rude. I'm sorry.

[tracy1008]

So as an avid myspace user, I completely understand where she is coming from. Myspace causes drama, end of story. Why....because everything gets over analyzed. The guy I am dating is on myspace and I hate seeing the comments that his friends leave him. Its just an uneasy feeling, even if its harmless. If you honestly don't care about your website then delete it. Or give her your password to myspace so she can feel at ease you aren't messing around with her. I know its so lame, and its just the internet but I see her point.

[XxMaErCs13xX]

I've seen tons of the comments she gets from her guys friends. I see how they comment her pictures. She's a very beautiful young woman so I would think something was wrong if they didn't comment her. I can't say that I've sat and read all the comments she's ever received, but the guys weren't shy about what they had to say, if you catch my drift. It may have bothered me for a split second, then it went away. I naturally don't get all crazy and jealous over things like that. So I don't worry, I don't question, I don't ask for her password or to delete her page because I feel threatened. ya know why?? Because I trust her. and that's that. It doesn't get any more simple than that.

 

It's true that Myspace can cause drama in relationships, if you allow it to. If you're abusing what's it's acutally for. If you're in a relationship and you're using it to secretly meet other people then you're wrong. But if all you do is keep on contact with friends, new and old, and you're keeping everything STRICTLY FRIENDS, then there should be any problems, right?

 

But then again you can't control what people say. No one ever leaves me any 'bad comments. They may say, "hey cutie, hey chulo", and the rest of the comment is totally harmless. The guys do it to her too, saying "hey pretty lady, hey chula" etc. I don't sweat it. It's nothing to me, because I know where her heart lies, I know where she sleeps at night (right next to me).

 

People get online and think they are myspace pimps (men and women), so what. Let them think their 'game' actually works, or burst their little bubble, just keep it moving. Don't sit and worry about what they say because 9 times out of 10 they wouldn't approach you the same way in person anyway. They wouldn't even approach you at all more than likely. That's why I don't sweat what the guys tell her, so why should she sweat what the ladies say to me, IF they ever do? I personally thought she was making a bigger deal about this than she should have.

 

BUT this is me, that's how I look at the people on myspace as a whole. That's how I deal with it. She's a totally different person and she obviously can't brush it off like I can. It looks like if she can't simply swallow her words and trust me than the only thing left to do is to SHOW her that I'm not doing anything wrong. - - - Only thing is she got an idea to get onto my account a while back from a CRAZY jealous, insecure friend of hers who did the same to her boyfriend. My girl as actually cracked my password in the past and accessed my accout only to see that I was doing NOTHING WRONG! The only thing she saw that upset her was a letter I wrote to a friend of mine about my situation with my ex. Talking about how I wish she would change and learn to trust me and so on. She was mad that i put her business out there, but I hadn't actually done anything wrong. - Thats a big reason why I don't care to give her my password, since she defied my trust and broke into my account. -

 

I feel that I'm an adult, not doing anything wrong here, so I shouldn't have to be 'checked upon' to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong. I KNOW her password but I've NEVER got onto her account. I have no need to. I don't care to. I don't want to, BECAUSE I trust her.

[Dilly]

Yes, it's apparent that you're not worried about her cheating on you or doing anything wrong. She doesn't trust you. Whether her distrust is warranted is not for us to decide. A person's past is complex and may involve a variety of backdrops that make it hard for others to understand their insecurities and vulnerabilities. You don't feel vulnerable, but she does, bottom line. Maybe it's just a matter of getting her OCD in check, but it's quite possibly also a fear of abandonment, a fear that you're going to break up with her again, a fear that you did so last time out of mere interest in playing the field. She feels threatened, though, and if she can't get beyond it with your help, it's going to end nastily. She'll resent you for a long time into the future or cheat on you. Look, I really think that your approach is effective sometimes, but if you're cold and hard core, you will stonewall her. That's NOT loving or reassuring. Sure, maybe she shouldn't have to rely on you for self-assurance or relationship assurance, but she's feeling something is missing and whether you are part of that equation or not is unknown. I suggest you take a nice, easy day and talk to her (not lecture and berate). I suggest you also take a moment to do something nice for her to assure her that you love her. YOu both need to start fresh and really, consider what choices your making. If you choose your myspace over your girl, you might really regret it. I find the forum of myspace to be somewhat distasteful and juvenile, but maybe your experiences are better? But what really is this privacy offering you?

 

Oh, and one more thing. You state that you simply trust her, period. Well, I think it's unfair to ask her to simply trust you, based on that. We're all different and have to sort out information from a variety of sources and women do tend to use information that men might otherwise ignore. And vice versa. She's expressing a need and you are smacking her had so she then expresses the need again and gets smacked again. Then, you threaten to end the relationship and to insist that she act on her best behavior and not bring it up. Wehell my boy, that's so unrealistic! It's also crass and demanding on your part. What do you want her to do, PRETEND she doesn't have an issue!? Honestly, you have to be firm, but your approach is making matters worse. You ahve to be firm and loving and anything less is just childish and spiteful.

[ImThatGirl]

*******************************************************

 

I would walk away from you in a second if you told me to cool it about the myspace account or else. No way in hell would I let my guy put that much importance on a myspace account.

 

I know this is a little harsh but I can't refrain. You are 24. You are a father. You are out of the country. You are most likely feeling somewhat unconnected and lonely. You need to set your priorities.

 

In this case, it's obvious that both of you are not making your relationship a priority. Does your myspace even say "you're in a relationship?"

 

To me, this is not a case of a girl being controlling, jealous, and insecure. You hold her past against her basically stating she's lucky you gave her the time of day and another chance. And you expect her to just sit back and let you gallavant around on myspace. I don't think you care about her. I don't think you want the relationship to work. I definitely don't think you love her.

 

Otherwise, myspace wouldn't be an issue. You wouldn't allow the girls to make those comments. You would respect your girlfriend by at least noting on your website "I am in a happy relationship and will not accept any disrespectful, degrading comments." And immediately delete any girls that disrespect you and your girlfriend/babies mother.

 

I don't blame her a bit. And again, I wouldn't sit and wait for a second if you told me to cool it about myspace or else. You need to set your priorities. You need to be realistic. If you love her, grow up, and respect her and show her that you love her more than yourself and this attention from numerous girls.

 

I notice you haven't posted your myspace page either. Maybe for privacy but I'm guessing if any of us had a chance to see it, we'd be appalled too.

 

JMHO

[ImThatGirl]

I've read through your other posts and this is what I have gathered.

 

1. You have dreams about another girl and actually met with her "after" you and your girlfriend got back together. And question why the other girl hasn't even emailed you.

 

2. You mention that your girl knew about the meeting with the crush and now call her insecure.

 

3. You are grouchy because she wants to get married rather than "play house."

 

4. You seem to have a short fuse. Never admitting guilt or taking responsibility and always pointing the finger at your girl.

 

Now, I think you should think about a few things.

 

She is the mother of your baby. You two have had lots of time to determine if you want to be together. She's 21 or close to. She seems to be tired of playing games. That's what I'm gathering anyway. Sounds like she wants a "family." She wants to know she can count on you. She wants to know that you "want" to be with her.

 

Relationships take lots of work from both sides. Lots of compromise. And the desire to make the relationship work. I'm just not getting that you want it to work. Almost seems like everything she does, you think is a possible dealbreaker. Give her a break. Determine if you want to be with her or not. Determine what she deserves.

 

Think about this. If you were her dad, would you like a guy that treats her like you do?

 

I'm really not trying to be rude here. I just think that all of this needs alot more thought than what you've given. . . I'm here if you'd like to talk.

[Dilly]

Wow, I really see things so much more clearly now after finding out about the background of this situation. I totally understand why your "girlfriend" is freaking out. Man, you really sugar-coated your situation and made yourself sound like a victim. I am honestly scared for her. Again, I don't want to gang up on you, but you got everyone here thinking she had no grounds to distrust you and ... that is simply not ground to stand on. You've even convinced yourself that she needs to walk the line. This truly doesn't reflect a very loving, respecting, and joyful bond and it's not a matter of pointing the finger at her. She's young and you know she's gorgeous and she's tied down with your baby. Man, you have no idea of the gravity of her burden (or maybe you do and you figure she's not going to get a good guy sine she's got "baggage")! That's why you feel safe and secure and can sleep at night because you know that most guys her age wouldn't want to fool around too much with a girl who's got a kid. And your girlfriend feels vulnerable. And she wants a little show of respect from you and you're throwing a fit? Come on, dude!

[Imtheone4u]

I would really have to agree with these two ladies! I mean come on man. I can't believe that you would actually sit here and make yourself out to be the good guy and take none of the blame off of you. I have to say that it does sound like you do not want to be with her anymore. I mean with this my space thing, is it really that important to you that you would choose to put that before your family. I mean you are gone right? Is she not still raising him without you, is she not takin care of the home "you two" are tryin to build together?Does she not deserve any respect and reassurance from you.She carried your child and you can't respect how she feels and how it affects the realtionship. And for that matter it seems like all you want to do is point the fingure at her..when really maybe you are the insecure one.The one that needs all the attention from the other girls in order to feel like a man, maybe??? I mean I want to go on the record and say that it is really messed up of you to be living with this so called "girlfriend" of yours and you infact sit and email this other girl, while tellin your girl you LOVE and RESPECT her. I mean you are bein a bit dishonest, giving her reasons to not trust you. I mean it seems like you give her reasons to not trust you and want to question you. And another thing...how do you think you are being loyal to her by doggin her out?? I mean I don't get that. Do you not say things, hurtful, disrespectful, and so on that make her want to jump out of her skin??? I mean really you do need to reprioritize if you want this relationship....but it almost seems clear to me that you don't want it anyway! The call is yours...you need to fess up to her the thruth cause she has a right to know...as the mother of your child, the one creatin a home, your girlfriemd, and a WOMEN! I don't think she is the immature on...it sounds to me like you are!