Emotionally Abused

[Punk-Minority]

My dad... is the reason for any emotional drainage in our family. He is rarely happy, he is always picking arguments, and blows up at the slightest stupidest thing. He is like a giant mass of negative energy. And sometimes it's like a domino affect.

He puts me down, belittles me, says i'm hopeless and don't amount to much, and you try and not believe such things, but when i was 13 i wanted to die with the emotional wounds he was putting me through. The only reason i didn't kill myself was because i was too scared to, because i love my friends and at least they're my reason for living, and because i have great faith in God.

He use to love me, he use to be nice to me, and treat me the way i'm meant to be treated, but i got older, and he started emotionally abusing me too/as well as my mum.

Mum doesn't like it as much as me, but sometime's they'll fight, but the next day they'll be buddy buddy again. But they're fights have been bad, Dad's had to go sleep somewhere else for the night, but more recently the funny thing is he'll sleep in the garage or set up a tent outside, that's the pathetic thing, he can't even leave the property when it gets that bad.

 

The abuse has never really developed to physical abuse. But in a way, at least physical abuse would show the world what he's like. He covers up his insecurties very well- everyone at his work thinks he's great, he's nice to them, he jokes and laughs around them, he does them favours. i believe verbal and emotional abuse leaves deeper wounds, thinks that affect your spirit, and your self-worth.

 

i haven't really let him affect me, i've tried. Of course he's affected me before, i'd cry myself to sleep with the pain of it all. I was 13 then, and now i'm 16, and i've learnt since then, that i have to be strong, and that he's the one thats messed up- not me, that he's the one who whose a failure, not me. He had no right to make me cry myself to sleep, to make me want to kill myself, to make me feel like a failure. The ironic thing is, i'm a really happy person, i'm very positive, and ALWAYS laughing- at school, with my friends- and it would probably be that way at home too, if his negativity didn't domino-effect us. So, that takes a really messed up person, in my opinion, to have the power and ability to make a happy-go-lucky person like myself, want to die from the pain of words, putdowns, emotional abuse.

 

If anyone, has any tips for coping with negative people like my dad, could you please share?

[TheRedQueen]

Welcome to ENA punk minority!! The things that you have stated above damn near close to mirror the exact situation I went through as a child and as teenager.

 

Your perspective on this situation is rare (I shared the same one) and I assure you that it will serve as a driving force in fostering your capacity to eventually heal from this emotional abuse. You have a strong sense of self and you remind me of myself and guess what sweetie, I've got some good news for you, girls like us prove to be resilient as titanium.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Hey Punk-Minority i know how you feel.

Your a strong person and you have faith.

Just try to shut him out.

[Shadows Light]

Do you read? There are a few books you may want to pick up from the library...

 

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to stop being abused and how to stop abusing: by Beverly Engle.

 

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to Respond by Patricia Evans

 

Teen Torment: Overcoming verbal abuse at home and at school by Patricia Evans

 

Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner

 

The first step is trying to really understand WHAT something is and WHY something is... then you will be better equiped to fight it.

 

In this case... I mean that in a literal sense.. fighting. The best reaction to an explosive action is non-reaction. Don't feed the dragan directly.

 

You "DO" need to respect your dad... because he is your dad. Obviously he is NOT respecting you when he yells, screams and carries on like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

 

Your mother may benefit from some of the book above. I know. I've been there. .. wishing there were bruises just so there was something tangible to show the world.

 

There is a web site called link removed or if you google Dr Irene

You may be able to learn more about verbal abuse there and glean more knowledge on what it is and how to deal with it. Knowledge is power.... and just KNOWING what it is you are dealing with.... has a calming effect on your spirit.

 

Love and Light to you poster. Sending you a big big cyber hug.

[rose2summer]

Wow, I am sorry that you have gone through such a difficult time with your father.

 

Emotional abuse actually can dig deeper and cause more permanent damage than physical abuse and unfortunately many times, emotional abuse is a precursor to physical abuse.

 

The books that SL recommended are excellent ones, especially

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to Respond by Patricia Evans

 

I think that would be a good first step to understand how a verbally abusive relationship works.

 

It may be a good idea to get some counseling too because you don't want his abuse to have a permanent effect on you later in life.

 

In my opinion, the best way to cope is to avoid him when he is having an emotionally abusive day. Maybe go to a friends house or to the library?

 

It's a very difficult situation, and it's important that you have outlets, such as sports, hobbies, etc. so that he isn't controlling your life with his negativity.

 

Hugs, Rose