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how to tell mum her baby girl's in love with another girl...


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Ive always considered myself a hetero, until i met this wonderful person.

These past 9 months were nothing but pure bliss. I found love in the arms of another Eve. we started out as friends, went out a couple of times. there was this unspoken attraction between us but neither had the courage to tell the other. i had the courage to let her know how i feel after 5 cans of beer. she was a bit surprised when i let my feelings known. but knowing that both of us have this commitment-phobia, we just had that revelation slip off. we continued going out together, no strings attached. a few weeks after that incident, she managed to let her feelings out as well, and the rest is history. agreed to try out if we'll click, plus the commitment stuff. nine months later, a dozen fights after, here we are fully committed to each other.

 

but there's one dilemma left untoiled yet. my family (the traditional, conservative family) doesnt know about this. my sisters look up to me. they still think im that same girl they're with all their lives. liberal but straight. not in a million lifetimes would my family think that im bisexual (if im already one?). my mum would surely disown me if she finds out, thats if she hasnt had a heart attack yet..

she'd be hysterical. we've had rifts in the past, broken trusts, and stuff. but this will be the biggest blow.

 

am happy with this person im with right now. never been happier. far better than the men i dated before.

 

so how would i tell them who i really am?

i couldnt just sit her down and say, "mum, i think im gay and having a relationship with a lesbian." theres no way she could take it. im pretty sure she/they wont be able to fathom this fact. and might end up disowning me.

 

so how do i go with it?

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just say my mum i need to tell you something but first promise me you wont over react, tell her that you have fallen in love with someone and its a woman, if she gets mad just tell her you cant help these feelings and if she is still yelling walk out its her lost not yours

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Might as well get out of your closet and get through it. If your mom and other fmaily members turn your back on you and disown you for it, then like lost&broken stated, that would be their lost, not yours.

It's better to have people disliking you for what you are then being loved and praised for someone you're not.

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I hate to say it but you need to know something. There is NOTHING wrong with you, you have a preference. A sexual preference. If your mom has a problem with that, she is sick. There is something wrong with her. How your liberal, I am amazed..good for you. Good head on your shoulders.

 

You need to tell her in private, tell her it's something BIG. That you need to tell her so she knows, and that it will be a shock. Sure it would be a shock to my mom if I said I was gay. She would probably have natural fear and disappointment, not because I would be telling her I was gay. But for the fact that gay men or woman get treated horribly by society.

 

You need to point out to her that you made your mind up. It's not okay if she "disowns" you. That is just the sickest thing I ever heard of, there is something wrong with her. You have to do what you got to do, it's not your fault if she has hate towards someone because of their sexual preference.

 

Good luck. I hope she takes it well.

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i surely hope she'll take it well.

 

i know very well that there's nothin wrong with me. i just happen to fall in love with a man trapped in a woman's body.

 

i still havent figured out when to break the thing to her. need to muster enough courage. she gets really * * * * *y at times. no way in this lifetime she can accept that her daughter's gay. she made that clear.

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Try telling your mum, you may be surprised! My mum always made it clear she would "disown" me if i ever got pregnant as a teenager! Imagine how scared i felt when i fell pregnant at 19, i worried for four months before i could tell her. When i finally did tell her she hugged me and cried. Happy tears, that she was gonna be a grandma!

Im not saying your mum will cry tears of joy, but i certainly dont think she will disown you. Speaking as a mother myself our love we have for our children is un-conditional, we love our children no matter what. So your folks may be mad for a little while, but once it sinks in and they realise you are still the same daughter you always have been, im sure everything will be fine.

They will probably respect you for having the courage to be honest with them. Good luck and best wishes for whatever you decide x

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we have only one life and you have a choice to be what you want and do what you want. explain it that way to her. would she prefer you to be unhappy all life or dead tomorrow, or just the same you but that you like people with vaginas and not penises?

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Are you living with your mom at her home? If you do and don't have other options you might consider postponing telling her if you think she'd throw you out once you do..

 

If not maybe you could consider writing her an e-mail/letter so she has time to let it sink in before you see her so she doesn't explode in your face..

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1. Are you living alone?

2. Are you studying?

3. are you finantialy dependent on your parents?

If you are, for how long?

So this is my version - if you are going to be dependent on them for a while - maybe for a year, or less, till you finish college or something, than don't say a thing before you leave their house.Of course work on beeing independent.

If you are independent than no need to worry.Tell them right away

After all if they decide to leave you without inheritance it is not the end of the world when you're finantially independent- some people have nothing to inherit and are still fine - and also I think that you are overreacting, there is not so many people who would do such thing. They will make a huge deal about it, but after some time they will accept the fact you're in love with a girl, not a guy. The most important thing is that you're in love, happy, and serious about this girl you're seeing.

If you're independent don't worry about inheritance - by hiding your happines and who you are the things you might get will be too much of a price to sell yourself for.

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1. Are you living alone?

2. Are you studying?

3. are you finantialy dependent on your parents?

 

I think those are important questions too. If you are living at home, and you think your mom's reaction would be really bad- it might be best to hold off on telling her, at least for now, until you are living on your own.

 

But she does need to know eventually, and you should not be made to feel ashamed of who you are. I just think it's easier to "come out" if you're living on your own.

 

 

BellaDonna

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i dont live with her, i live with my sisters, but shes the one paying the rent, so she could throw me out if she wishes to.

 

im now thinkin that maybe i could postpone it, wait till the relationship gets a bit older. until im really, really sure that i want to be really with her for a long long time.

 

besides, this preference may just be an episode in my life, and i might end up with a man in the future. so yeah maybe il just postpone telling her about it.

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1. Are you living alone?

2. Are you studying?

3. are you finantialy dependent on your parents?

 

im done with school, but not financially stable yet. just started with mah first job, earning's barely enough to pay my bills.

 

yeah, i should probably just postpone telling it to her.

as ive said, this may just be an episode, maybe i dnt really really need to "come out" for the moment

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maybe just sit down introduce your "partner" use her name and let your mom get to know her personally. She will accept her for her and obviously she accept you for you. you don't have to tell her right away she is your other and you are gay. you can sit down when you feel the time is right and talk seriously with your mom and explain how you feel and that you love your mom. This is how you are and you are happy. Just feel things out and that you need her and your families support. It is up to you when you want to let her know your sexual oriention but at least you introduced your partner and your family knows her.

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I'm pleased you decided not to tell your Mother yet. Why? Because things don't always go how you want them to.

 

I'm 43 and had to tell my family a lot about my life in a very short time. The short version of the story is I told them I was divorcing my 2nd husband in November. 14 years marriage! Then in January I had to tell my father I was a lesbian. I had no choice because someone 'outed' me on Christmas Eve (distant relatives present. Family get together January). If I hadn't have told him first, they would have.

 

It was difficult because both my younger sisters knew I thought I was bi although I'd never done anything about it. One of them threatened that I would never see my nephew again if I ever told our father. I had no choice!

 

It was difficult to tell him. He didn't look at me, but I could see there were tears in his eyes. My mother's dead. He said my life was my own and it was my choice.

 

I didn't tell them I'd already proposed to a wonderful Australian woman. We met on the internet when her daughter introduced us. I stayed with her in Australia in February and proposed properly. We're getting married in England 21st July 2007. Eventually I'm emigrating to Australia.

 

Although I don't live very far away from my family I don't see them unless I visit. I don't have any transport. Sometimes I get the occasional phone call asking if I'm still alive.

 

I sent text messages a few months ago telling my sisters about the wedding. They're not coming! One of them said her family will be in Florida for 3 weeks. Fair enough. She'd asked her son if he wanted to be Best Man for me. Would you give up a fabulous holiday? Of course not. I was disappointed but understood. My other sister was 'umming' and 'arring'. I knew she was feeling awkward. She said she thought it was best if they didn't come because she didn't know how to explain to a 9 and 7 year old how 2 women could get married, plus she didn't want her in-laws to know. I wanted her son to be Ring Bearer and her daughter Bridesmaid. I was very hurt and burst into tears. My Father...well they've probably told him, but I can guarantee if my 2 younger sisters aren't coming he won't be there. He's always been the same.

 

Make sure your life is secure before you tell her. You might one day have to decide like me that your fiancee is more important to you than your family.

 

Good luck and take care.

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