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Break up...but Guy still says he's in a relationship


heartbroken23
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Let me first start by saying, This is not me...it is regarding a friend of mine.

 

Lets say that a girl and a guy have been together for about 2 yrs, and the girl finally starts to think that the guy she has been dating is a rebound (although she does love him and care for him), but realizes that she maybe got into the relationship too quickly. She cheats in him while on vaca in Mexico....She thinks about her ex alot and recently has sex with her ex. She becomes very confused with what she wants and knows that she needs to be single...

 

Well, the rebound guy knows about the mexico cheating, but still decides that he wants to be with her. That she is the one. That she can have her break to be single and that he'll be right there waiting for her. He even still says he is in a relationship, while she is single doing her thing. He does not date, she does. He knows she is the one so thereforeeee see's no need to date or have fun with other people. MEanwhile, the girl says that she can do whatever she wants because he lets her...but she feels bad at the same rate. The guy does not however, know about her sleeping with her ex.

 

Do girls have any respect for a guy like this....a guy that sits around and waits, and professes his love for a girl, when she is out doing her thing. A guy that still says and tells people he is in a relationship, when she says she is single? He obviously has no respect for himself if he does that right?

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I wouldn't really respect that guy. he is waiting for a girl to finish up sowing her wild oats, getting over her ex, etc.... the key word is "waiting." Why is she so special that he is willing to give up self-respect?

 

I'd say it's a waste of time. she will take him for granted if he knows she is waiting for him. I've rarely seen those situations turn into a romance. it's better if he says, "well, you know my number, call me if you want, but I'm moving on. hope you call me when I'm still single."

 

something like that would be better.

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well, if she thinks that he is "soooo in love with her", then I think she will go around, meeting other men, and if she is bored one night and doesn't find anyone "better", she will call this dude. Apart from that, it is really dangerous to 'like someone too much' in the beginning of a relationship. (I think I've learned that the hard way!!!!) people start to take you for granted and back away. Now, if he is married to her, then he can profess his undying devotion, but before they're even bf/gf is a bit too much....

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I don't think it is a matter of him not having respect for himself. I think he honestly loves this girl and is hoping she will come back to him.

 

I think the girl is terribly insensitive for allowing it to be this way. Basically, she's taking advantage of his love for her. Rather than saying "okay you're giving me time to decide, I'll do whatever I want," she should clearly tell him that she does not want to be with him. Stop stringing him along. Let him go... It will hurt him but sheesh - it's better than misleading him.

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ThatGirl....the thing is, she is confused. Her ex and Him...She doesn't want to lose a "good guy" as an option for the future. I thin kthat is the way most girls think.

 

I think that's the way that selfish people think.

 

I have seen this situation myself, pretty much as how you described it. she wanted to keep this guy on the back burner while he waited for her and she met other guys. the outcome? he moved thousands of miles to the city where she lived (he said not because of her, but I don't buy that). she met a new guy and has been with him for the past few years.

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Wait, she gets her cake and gets to eat it too?

 

It's not a matter of why is this guy this way.

 

This is more of a why is she doing this and disrespecting him if she really wants a good guy as an option.

 

If she cannot settle for one man, she should just let him go on his own way, instead of giving him a false hope.

 

Otherwise, his integrity and self-worth will rapidly deteriorate.

 

Hugs, Rose

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It doesn't matter how confused she is. She needs to at least be honest with him. I'm guessing he has no idea she is wondering which one of these guys are better.

 

She needs to be held accountable. Confusion is no excuse. She's having her cake and eating it too. Maybe she needs to take a break from both of them and decide what she wants to do. It's unfair to hold two men at bay while she has her cake and is eating it too.

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yeah, I think she needs to work out her confusion. it sounds like she is maybe not ready for a real committed relationship at this point, like she needs to go out and explore before she can settle down.

 

I think he ex should also do some serious soul-searching. I have seen other people get into this situation. Why do people want what they can't have? I have seen guys blow off perfectly cool, single girls, but when they meet a girl who is emotionally unavailable, they must have her. That makes me wonder about the emotional health of those guys also! why are they sitting around, waiting for a girl to figure out "what she wants" while there are plenty of single women out there! it seems likea form of self-flaggellation to me....

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yeah, I think she needs to work out her confusion. it sounds like she is maybe not ready for a real committed relationship at this point, like she needs to go out and explore before she can settle down.

 

 

Annie, this is exactly what she says. She is in no condition to be in a real committed relationship and that she needs to be single. It's just makes me wonder what she is going to think of her newest ex, who lets her get away with anything and is waiting for her....I figured girls would not be attracted to that. Although, deep down it gives them security.

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Annie, this is exactly what she says. She is in no condition to be in a real committed relationship and that she needs to be single.

 

that means that the guy shouldn't wait for her.... she may not be ready for several years, and even when she is ready, she may go for a new guy, probably not the man who's been waiting for her....

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I completley agree.....It's just makes me wonder what she is going to think of her newest ex, who lets her get away with anything and is waiting for her....I figured girls would not be attracted to that. Although, deep down it gives them security.

 

yeah, it may give security, like an old pair of pajamas. but women go to the mall and look at and desire hot new outfits, and will buy them, knowing they can go back to their pajamas anytime.

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I got the same problem..She went to Mexico and found someone with anticipation I let her go! She says she loves but dont want to be together anymore BS...She is using me as backup obviously, but I am way too good she wants to keep as option and she is confused...end of story...

 

I moved on...It is not good to have continuining relationship with a girl that she thinks you are a backup...

 

Imagine you got married...She will always think that you were a 2nd choice not #1...She will use that begging moments for her advantage..It is better to move on at the end...

 

He better move on and find someone respects and accepts for who he is...That's what I learnt...

 

Cheers

 

Eric

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