Jump to content

Really should I feel guilty for this or not, I dunno!!!!!!!!


yeawutever
 Share

Recommended Posts

Currently I'm in a 1 1/2 month relation and there is some level of bounding, along with chemistry. No I'm not in love and don't love him romantically, but do like him more (he stated the same as well, but he's way more affectionated than I am, I was not much of a lovey dovey person as a child, nor now).

 

Anyways there's these two guys online I see once in a while, they're my friends. Let's call one J and and the other one M. J is only 16 years old and the other one is a few years older than me.

 

M was here two days ago online and we were chatting about our fantasies (sex talk and what would our favorite positions be), just for the fun of it, you know typically online flirting. But we're just friends, we do later talk about other things than sex.

 

J who's only 16 was here online today and we were having a normal convo, then a bit of sex talk. He flashed me (well it was a porn pic of himself he showed, his peeker). Anyways, I did flashed him once a while ago (more than 3 moths ago) and would do it when I get a cell phone, he's gonna flashed me too.

 

Thing is I wouldn't mind nor really care if my b/f talk dirty, flash random girls nor phone sex. Nothing wrong with online flirting once in a while. It's not like I do on with this everyday and they'r enot strangers, they're just my two friends I known for quite a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Ailec,

 

I think that seeing that you are not in love with your bf, this explains why you 1. have sex talks with others and 2. don't mind at all if your bf would do the same. Although I can imagine that some would mind flirting with other people more than others, I can't imagine that in a relationship, you wouldn't mind the partner to have phone sex with random girls.

 

I am not saying you should feel guilty. I think what you do with others, tells you that you are maybe not ready for a commitment or that you are not in love enough with the person you are involved with. I think it's best to see if you are at the same place as he is. I think if there are no romantic feelings at all, you might ask yourself why you are with him.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's a bit hard to explain. Though there's none of those romantic feelings when people fall in love, I do think of him most of the times. In one instant it's like I feel butterflies in my stomach and then it's gone, then it appears again and then it's gone. I guess I must be infatuated with my b/f.

As for why I'm still with him. I dunno, I don't really wanna dump him. I do ask why did I accepted him, but then when we see each other and he has to go, I end up missing him too. When he says on the phone he missed me, I do also (can't deny it).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What are your bf's views regarding on-line flirting and flashing?If he wasn't ok with it, would you stop it so that you could try things with him?

 

Well he's ok with online chat, dirty talk once in a while, looking at porn, but would not be ok with flashing nor phone sex.

 

Though he has told me from the start that he would do that but only if he was single. With the flashing part he was like "But why the need to watch random dudes naked online and not your b/f". He basically stated that he doesn't do b/c he has me.

 

I guess I gotta stop this, though I'll miss it, but oh well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, it is not so nice what you're doing. it is not horrible, but not the nicest thing. I think you need to decide if you're going to be with your bf or not. You know, if you choose to be with him it would be nice if you stopped sex talk with other guys. If you choose to brake up with him, than you can chat.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did I read right that you think sex talk is "typical" flirting? Also, I am not sure how this works technologically, but unless you want naked pictures of yourself posted on the internet I would stop that behavior.

 

As far as "feeling" "in love" - if you instead think of loving as synonymous with giving, are you giving to this person and are you inspired to give?

 

My suggestion - find activities that keep you busy and fulfilled so that you're not sitting on line having sex talk and flashing yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As far as "feeling" "in love" - if you instead think of loving as synonymous with giving, are you giving to this person and are you inspired to give?

 

What do you exactly mean by giving?? If you're referring to giving it away to pleasure, not, that's would not be love, that would be lust and nope I don't know nothing about real life pleasure/arousing (virgin still).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you exactly mean by giving?? If you're referring to giving it away to pleasure, not, that's would not be love, that would be lust and nope I don't know nothing about real life pleasure/arousing (virgin still).

 

Ummmmm wow. By giving I mean being a good friend, supportive, a good listener, doing things for him whether that means offering to help him with a project, his laundry, preparing a meal, all of the countless ways that friends give to each other. Loving is active - you show your love by your actions and the act of giving is a great way to show someone you care and/or love them. Your response answered my question - apparently you see love just as a feeling not as an action. And of course physical intimacy is another of the many ways of showing love - it doesn't have to be lust and your response is sad in my humble opinion. You don't have to be physically intimate to show love of course as I wrote above.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see. Nowadays I'm hearing too much on many people even calling that cheating.

 

 

 

 

It depends on where you and your partner draw the boundaries. If you have agreed boundaries and one of you steps outside of them, then it's wrong, whether it's technically "cheating" or not. You could counter-argue (with some justification) that in a relationship of less than 3 months, the boundaries are still being drawn.

 

Although I have done wrong things myself when in relationships (of which I'm not proud), I know things are wrong if I do something I wouldn't like my partner to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see. Nowadays I'm hearing too much on many people even calling that cheating.

 

 

 

 

It's interesting that you are willing to flash but not be sexually intimate. Putting that aside, you never know where those pictures will end up and how they could interfere with other relationships or even with your getting certain jobs if an employer does an internet search on you before deciding to hire you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's interesting that you are willing to flash but not be sexually intimate. Putting that aside, you never know where those pictures will end up and how they could interfere with other relationships or even with your getting certain jobs if an employer does an internet search on you before deciding to hire you.

 

Good point! I think if I'd have posed nude for a comedy film when younger and my daughter could see it, it would be very embarrassing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's interesting that you are willing to flash but not be sexually intimate. Putting that aside, you never know where those pictures will end up and how they could interfere with other relationships or even with your getting certain jobs if an employer does an internet search on you before deciding to hire you.

 

Yea, interesting point. Nope, forget, I'm not gonan flash, but will talk dirty. He has no problem with talking dirty online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yea, interesting poem. Nope, forget, I'm not gonan flash, but will talk dirty. He has no problem with talking dirty online.

 

What do you mean by interesting poem? I hope you find more respectful/worthwhile ways to communicate than "talking dirty" - do you have enough going on as far as interests and activities that don't have to do with "talking dirty?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you mean by interesting poem? I hope you find more respectful/worthwhile ways to communicate than "talking dirty" - do you have enough going on as far as interests and activities that don't have to do with "talking dirty?"

 

LOL, I mean point, LOL, how silly of me. Yes I do read and study psychology books as well as write on this site. My main goal is majoring in psychology and getting a degree, along with getting myself a car, which I'm working on it. And yes I also work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL, I mean point, LOL, how silly of me. Yes I do read and study psychology books as well as write on this site. My main goal is majoring in psychology and getting a degree, along with getting myself a car, which I'm working on it. And yes I also work.

 

My suggestion as an old lady of 40 - when you "talk dirty" you are degrading yourself and you may start to view yourself as someone who only deserves that kind of interaction. Also you will find it creeping into your thoughts and possibly your words/manner of speaking in an in-person serious relationship. If I found out my bf did that or had done that I would want nothing to do with him - I know, that's just me but I am sure I'm not the only one who desires someone who wouldn't behave that way.

 

If you don't want to get married or be introduced to a man's parents/family some day with pride "this is the lady I want to marry" with respect in his eyes then sure have your "fun" - but my guess is that it's not that much fun for you that you'd be willing to give up any self-respect for it or harm your reputation with those men who prefer a woman who acts with self-respect and like a lady.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...