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So, the girl that I want to start a relationship with is having a birthday in about 10 days. The only thing is, we have a weird friendship, because she knows I have feelings for her but she's coming off a break up and doesnt want anything to do with relationships right now. Now only that, but a lot of guys have treated her badly in the past and so this makes things worse. However, I want to show her I'm not like other guys and that I'll treat her well. So, I've been working all week on making a custom made mix CD for her b-day, making the booklet, getting all the lyrics, etc. I've probably spent about 4 hours on it total (and thats not counting just thinking up all the ideas for it) and will probably spend about four more.

 

Anyway, I'm going to give her her 3 gifts early, this Friday. The first gift is going to be a simple hug and a wishing of happy birthday. She'll like this and it will get her anticipation up for later. Then later on in the day comes the 2nd gift--a bottle of this Britney Spears perfume stuff that costed about $20. This will show her I'm not afraid to spend money on her. And then finally, at the end of the day I'll give her the CD, with custom made artwork, lyrics, and foreword from me. I think she'll really love this. Here's the foreword:

 

 

 

 

and the as of right now unmastered (not in the final order) tracklist (laugh if you want, this is grade A stuff here)

 

1 Brand New - Mix Tape

2 Box Car Racer - Letters to God

3 Cartel - Wonderwall (Oasis cover)

4 Mineral - Parking Lot

5 Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E (Acoustic)

6 Straylight Run - A Slow Descent

7 Blue October - Hate Me (Acoustic)

8 Thursday - Steps Ascending (Anthony's edit)

9 Elliott Smith - Between the Bars

10 The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You

11 Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows (Acoustic)

12 Thrice - Stare At the Sun (Acoustic)

13 Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

14 Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out

15 Brightwood - In Memory

 

I actually edited the Thursday track JUST FOR HER and put in a quote of the frontman of the band at a live show explaining what the song means, because its really pretty and meaningful and always chokes me up a bit because its sad.

 

So I guess I made this topic to ask if this is a good idea or not? Will this show her that I truly care for her and will make her happy if she starts a relationship with me? And I could maybe use help on the foreword to make it better, oh and also I need something good to say at the end of the lyric booklet, so if you guys wanna pitch ideas to me on it that would be great.

 

Thanks.

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hm.... I think it's "too much too soon." I don't think she'll have any anticipation if you already give her a gift.

 

i think that the mixed CD is a good idea, but you don't need to go to the trouble of actually making the lyrics too. ok, if you want to, but don't get her the perfume. then it wil be like you are "trying too hard" and trying to buy her affections.

 

I think you're best off giving her the CD and taking her out for ice cream. especially since she is not your gf and you haven't even had your first date, I wouldn't do too much. definitely don't give her the perfume.

 

just my 2 cents.....

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So, the girl that I want to start a relationship with is having a birthday in about 10 days. The only thing is, we have a weird friendship, because she knows I have feelings for her but she's coming off a break up and doesnt want anything to do with relationships right now. Now only that, but a lot of guys have treated her badly in the past and so this makes things worse. However, I want to show her I'm not like other guys and that I'll treat her well.

 

I'd be careful here Doc. It sure sounds like you are chasing her trying to win her over. Whenever there are unbalanced feelings and intentions in a friendship, your asking for trouble. If she was really into you, break-up be damned, she'd let you know...

 

Your best bet is showing her you'll treat her well by being yourself. You sound like a good guy, thereforeeee, you probably treat everyone well. Show her no different...show her by being the good guy you naturally are...

 

My experience has been if you start chasing, start trying to prove yourself by lavish gestures, you are setting a precendent for the relationship you have together and this will become the norm. When that happens, and this remains unreciprocated, you are setting yourself up to be used especially if you do "win" her over and become her rebound guy. If you are "there for her" during her time of grief, I think it is highly probable that she will associate you with comfort in this way and bingo...you've won a one-way ticket to the dreaded "friendzone"...

 

I know you really like her and that's cool. Just be careful of putting in more effort and getting your hopes up here. I would think of her like any other friend of yours at this point and treat her the same way you would anyone else until she gives you something tangible to warrant otherwise...

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That's nice that you're putting a lot of efforts into compiling a CD Mix for her along with the hug and "Happy Birthday" wish. I think she'll really appreciate that. However, I'll have to agree with the others that the perfume may be a bit out of character given your type of relationship. You really don't want to come accross as buying her affection. Save the perfume for a later special occasion when the time is more appropriate - like Christmas as you stated or when you two become more than just friends.

 

Overall, I think you did great. If a guy put that much thought into gift giving for me, I'd be pleased about it one way or the other. Good luck and have fun.

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well, if she says she likes you but is not ready, then don't start acting like her boyfriend. at least, not until she makes it known to you that she is ready.

 

yeah, the last thing you want to be is the 'rebound guy' who nurses her back to health, and once she is a-ok again, she will meet someone new and leave you. don't be that guy!

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