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this unknown feeling inside of me is close to puting me in depression! what is this!?


shep88ner
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hello, i have a sticky lil problem here, i dont know how to feel about it or what it is im feeling. ive been dating this girl named Ashley for 9 months now. we've been great. however, our pasts are much much different. i used to be involved in a lot of drinking and i smoked marijunana quite often. she on the other hand was clean of that stuff, but she was really boy-crazy. she fooled around with guys a lot, like at parties n such. she is a girl that loves to show off her body n loves sexual attention. she is only the 3rd gf ive ever had, so i had never "fooled around" with anyone till her. she's my first in everything. im not her first in anything. but neway, we've been doin alright for 9months now. ive stoped smoking, n for the most part stoped drinking heavily. i still drink on occasion, but not near what i used to. i was askin her some questions tonight bout her past n her old bf's n stuff. she was straight honest with me, which i appreciated, but every word hurt so damn bad...she discribed the "bad" parties she'd go to, where often times behavior would go on that girls' parents wouldnt appreciate. she told me how during stip poker, she was standing in a room full of ppl with only a thong on (shirt n all was still there too). n how sometimes there'd just be random ppl making out n messin around. not a good environment you wanna hear that ur gf used to be in all the time. then i asked who she was with at all theses parties. n it was always differnt guys she didnt know. she wasnt dating neone so at all these "bad" parties, she was with differnt guys. they "dirty" danced when she had on mini skirts n she even pole danced with her other lady friend, like real strippers. (kept clothes on). n at one point, some guy handcuffed her, n tied her feet together n 'peck' kissed her. and they'd play games where her n her friend where handcuffed n were playing twister...girls only at that. she said all these parties she never did nething bad like mess around or nething, just other ppl did, she just talked to ppl n danced was the worst part. but she was tellin me how fun all those times were and how great of a time she always had.

 

i am a much different person than her. im in the "preppy" group, n she's in the weird group that's not nerds, but not "preps"...the middle group that nobody ever knows nething about. and she always seems to have an amazing time hanging out with those ppl, but when its me n here, i always get the notion she's not having much fun n she's not that happy with me. she says she's changed n even though those times were fun n one rare occasion she does reflect n miss em, she's happy where we are now. she says she loves me n she was willing to change outta the life-style to be with me. but i cant get over her past. it bothers me sooooo much. i think i might even be worrying myself to the point of depression over it. i dont know why. dont know what this feeling even is. i see pics from that time period n i hear stories, n i hate em. it hurts me a lot to think about her like that. she compares her party times to mine. when id go out n get wasted n be out all night causin trouble. only her situation was with guys n she wasnt gettin messed up. this is true, but the fact she was always with guys hurts me. she even called it herself "the slutty lifestyle"...ive always thought this but as any good bf in this forum would say, id never ever say that to her. she brought that one up. but i guess i jsut dont know what this feeling is. it bothers me worse than just a "oh, that sucks" kinda thing. ive been moping around all day. it's like i care so much less about everyhting around me suddenly. i just wanna beat someone up for no reason. i just feel so terrible inside. is this just depression making this "that sucks" situation into a big emotional breakdown? or what is this? i cant discribe it. she says she's changed n she's ok with it. although, on occasion she does have invites to such parties still. but turns them down...i just duno if she's thinking she wants to go but doesnt wanna make me mad.

 

 

i just dont know what it is im feeling. her commitment seems so real but i dont like the fact that i have the feeling she's not happy with me. n that ill never be able to give her the kind of crazy fun she's used to. i just feel shes bored with me. cause we've had fun, but i cant tell you one time, ive gone to bed thinking, "ashley had an absolute blast tonight" n i know she had the best times of her life only 9 months ago b4 she met me. can anyone help me? please? i think im gonna get checked up for depression medicine when i go home from college this weekend, cause ive had similar feelings for a while. so what is this im feeling? please help anyone!!!! im beggin ya!

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Not trying to be rude, but do you really want to date a girl who says she likes to live "the slutty lifestyle" ?Do you really trust that she hasn't fooled around with several guys?

 

And maybe she has changed and isn't into the party scene anymore. If she wanted to go to the parties, she would.

 

And your feelings of depression might not be biological, just situational. Who wouldn't feel depressed thinking that they bore someone they have feelings for and feel they're not good enough? It could just be that you're insecure and thinking that she's bored with you.

 

You might want to think about how unhappy this relationship is making you and decide if it's worth the effort.

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I lived a slutty lifestyle for a good two years or so. And I was darn good at it. Give me a couple of drinks and I'm so very sexy (in my eyes, anyway).

 

But I quit it, painlessly, when I fell in love with my boyfriend. And if she loves or cares about you, she'll do the same. A lot of us go through a *wilder* stage...and grow outta it.

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