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Emotional Sado-Machsism (sp?)


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Decided to create a defination for a new emotional experience that seems to use both dominant and submissive personalities into some sort of emotional sado-machoistic soup. Analysing a state of interactions between myself and a girl I've noticed something peculiar.

 

I end up reading more into things and start taking things over-personal and start going on pre-emptive strikes and attacks fraught with accusations of everything. Then when she replies, I change personalities and become a submissive. I'll cant read emails, I'm afraid of her, and all of a sudden want to run and think all sorts of negative things such as rejection, low self-esteem, and end up even incorporating my mother into this - who is possessive, controlling and over-protective, and literally apologise for everything that's written and accept any or all demands she makes in order to 'save the friendship', even overlooking anything I originally accused her of even if it were true.

 

This occurred in a prior interaction earlier this year, where I got offended with something she did, accused her of something harshly, then retreated or withdrew when I found out she read it and became a submissive again, willing to concede to anything in order to save the friendship.

 

I'm starting to believe that there is an element of my mind - the dark psyche of what I would define it, that is 'feeding' on this, making me come to the conclusion that this could be an emotional sado-machoistic indulgence and the mind is playing tricks in order for that to happen, or for that tendency to happen.

 

Fortunately, again, it's confined to one weird person, and have no memory of this occurring with any other person, but for the life of me am dazzled by this emotional analomy and structure behind it that I decided to give it this name due to the similarities with sado-machoism. Hence, emotional pain, humiliation, and the desire to get at someone on one hand, with the desire of unconditional appeasement on the other - creating both dominant and submissive personality constructs, seem to neatly fit into this defination.

 

There is currently no contact with subject girl at this time and there is a psychological lock from reading my inbox emails. Everyones advised me to stay away from this girl yet, I'm trying to find out what is driving this - this whole drama, and stuff and may be willing to see her again if she doesn't blow me off or reject my request to see her again - it's like, am I looking for her to blow me off or reject me, is that part of the submissive personality, I wonder.

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Sado-Machoism?

 

Maybe you two should play frisbee, then go for Thai.

 

No, right now I think she has rejected me again, have to wait to the end of the month before I ask her out again and see whether it is true or not.

 

Anyway, my overprotective and controlling mom doesn't like her, if she's out of my life, my mom will be pleased. But I have to stand up to my mom sometimes.

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You really seem to suffer a lot in regard to women, hence my post.

Do you ever just hang out with a lady, drink coffee and chat about the world? Do you live with your mother?

 

I live with my parents. I rarely hang out with any lady, if I do it's once in a blue moon, although I may say 'hi' to the odd one, or have a brief convo at my place of work. I have social anxiety and am not generally that comfortable hanging out with people, especially women.

 

I used to hang out a couple of times with this other girl with coffee, or this is the type of girl that likes hanging out with coffee, however, I think she may have rejected me, so I'm not sure if she would still like to hang out for coffee with me. Anyway, I'll find out soon enough when I ask her out again at the end of the month. Were you referring to this particular girl, or someone else?

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Sado-Masochism?

 

Maybe you two should play frisbee, then go for Thai.

 

Sounds like a heavy gut-wrenching miserable relationship.

What's the upside?

 

You think this is a relationship? All communication has been by email, it's a protracted interaction of mutual monologue (which some people may refer to as dialogue, but I'd say mutual monologue).

 

The upside is that in the past (unsure about future - but in the past past, I wasn't sure about the not to distant past and it went back to normal, until the very recent past) we would use to hang out, have coffee, and I'd talk and flirt with her at the same time.

 

I like her hair, her face, her personality, and enjoy spending time with her - since I dont hang out with ladies in general, and only seem to have hung out with this one, then that would be the upside.

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I was wondering about any girl.

With a social anxiety, it must be tough to spend time with a lady.

Have you ever seen a doc about this? I'm not a pill-pusher, but it might get you out there. I had a friend who could't leave the house, but after seeing a therapist she became a successful realtor in LA.

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I was wondering about any girl.

With a social anxiety, it must be tough to spend time with a lady.

Have you ever seen a doc about this? I'm not a pill-pusher, but it might get you out there. I had a friend who could't leave the house, but after seeing a therapist she became a successful realtor in LA.

 

I can leave the house. I can spend time with a lady, although, I rarely feel excited about it - it's sort of a self-contradiction - I'd like to be beside a woman I'm attracted to and hang-out with her, but may feel socially anxious about it to the point it becomes a quasi-performance on my part.

 

On the subject girl, hang-outs would be planned, with memorised scripts and topics to talk about and conversational props (like bringing a book) just out of pure social anxiety.

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So therapy must be unacceptable?

 

I didn't say it wasn't, I just dealt with the premise in which you suggested therapy. You said: if I cant leave my house, I should see a therapist, in effect - since I can leave my house, then that defeats the condition precedent or premise in which you suggested that.

 

Cutting to the chase my dear Watson, I would have to say that you seem to suggest that this emotional cycle is unhealthy.

 

My mom said, if I got involved with this girl, I'll end up going crazy and either kill myself, or end up in a madhouse. If I'm a good boy, then I should listen to my mom, avoid this girl, and thereby avoid therapy if that is indeed the tendency. But then again, should any vulnerable, shy, yonge man that has an insatiable emotional crush on a girl that's feeding off the attention (she seems to love it) seek therapy, or see this as another phase in a troubled concept of personal growth. It makes one think and ponder. I tend to see this as a phase - and every phase has an entrance, but it also has an exit.

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