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Difficulties of a personal nature. (another performance anxiety thread)


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I'm going to have to share with you my sexual history for this one, so hold on.

When i lost my virginity it was miraculous, by far the best sex i ever had. There was a bit of mystery to our relationship as i'd only seen the girl for ~a month we were still "new" to each other- She made most of the advances and intercouse was a wonderous "about an hour long" ordeal, it was difficult to track time but by the end i was covered in sweat and various other fluids.... spectacular.

 

The next time, not so hot, maybe because my friend and his girlfriend were right next to us or maybe because there was imminent danger of my father breaking in the camper door- anyhow i tapped out after less than 15 minutes (but i only had like a 50% erection!)

 

Ever since then my sexual encounters have grown increasingly disappointing, less erect each time.

 

I took a break from dating (for other reasons), i stopped "self-servicing". So now for the first time in a long time, im back in the bedroom... and i intermittently (at best) get response from "little slacker"..... i tried visualizing my girlfriend to see if i could get and maintain an erection last night and i got the most persistent, insane boner of my life.... but when she's physically there it's another issue.

 

Here are the possible causes i've pegged so far;

During foreplay i often forget to breathe, almost to a fuzzy/pass-out extent

Foreplay, (when i initiate) is seldom less than 4 hours (excluding oral) maybe im losing momentum?

Allthough i haven't noticed any nervousness in bed, thinking of sex makes me terribly anxious

 

I don't expect any miracles, but maybe someone has some anxiety management techniques, or any success stories would be awesome.

 

Thanks!

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I'm really sorry I have not much to offer you...cause I'm a girl (: with no experience wtih anxiety management techniques..

Foreplay is seldom less than 4 hours??? WOW...I would think you're losing momentum...

when it comes to me & my finacee our forplay, sex & cuddling to a movie after...... is almost to never 4 hours (; ha ha ha

why does it make you anxious? do you build it up more than it needs to be? Cause wow, 4 hours everytime...

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Yeah, mostly because i really dont want to "go too fast" and i really lose track of time.. I usually dont even realize it's taken me an obscenely long time to get to the point. I probably do build it up to more than it needs to be, but theres a lot of pressure on us guys......

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Yeah, mostly because i really dont want to "go too fast" and i really lose track of time.. I usually dont even realize it's taken me an obscenely long time to get to the point. I probably do build it up to more than it needs to be, but theres a lot of pressure on us guys......

 

seriously......men feel a lot of pressure?

Why is that?

is it the women that you feel pressure from?

or something you feel you have to live up to?

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Well, i feel pressure from a few sources. Mostly myself because i love this girl and don't want to shake up the relationship,

 

......not to mention the way society has of telling us we're supposed to be super-virile marathon lovers with footlong dongles......

 

But yeah, lots of pressure.

 

Thank you for responding, Flower!

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awww....you're sweet.

Ignore society. They don't speak for everyone (:

If you love her & she loves you....sex shouldn't shake it. believe me a 'quicky' can be amazing at times.

 

Don't feel the need to live up to societies expecations. (that is impossible, believe me women feel pressure to) The only expectations you need to pay attention to is your women's.

Talk to her, find out what they are, what she needs, what she likes.....you'll find it may not take 4 hours & you both can be quite happy & no more pressure....Relax...Enjoy it!

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I am honest with my partners. I do love foreplay and really enjoy doing it for a good half hour or more. But honestly, if I do it that long I almost always have trouble getting and maintaining an erection without a complete and total break. She can't be in the same room with me and sometimes not even in the same house for at least 15-20 minutes and I need to do something entirely different than sex (clean, do homework whatever).

 

Maybe if you really want long foreplay you might consider taking a break. 4 hours is beyond ridiculous imo. There just isn't time. You can have sex several times in four hours!!

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First and formost... It's anxiety. You'll just naturally have to get over it.

 

Rule #1- The more you wish your boner up, the less it will. Your mind in the biggest player in sex. You focus on getting it up, keeping it up, and lasting long, and you'll lose it. Don't think about it and you'll be able to have a kickstand so you don't roll outta bed after falling asleep.

 

Your foreplay is way.. way.. to long. I'm tired even THINKING about doing that to my gf. I'm not much of a foreplay type of person, maybe 15-45 minutes, and that includes oral and the like.. Then depending on a 5-gallon bucket worth of variables, can have sex for 5 min to 1.5 hours. Depends on what time it is, how tired I am, whats on tv, or if the dog is staring at me too much.

 

There's no reason if she loves you and you love her, for her to feel the relationship is messed up if you lose your erection, or if you come before her.

 

I used to think that. Then when I'd randomly lose it, I'd fake a cramp(sometimes it really does happen). Do something to make yourself comfortable. You don't have to do a porn shoot. Fore play it out for 30 minutes, ravage her, and then watch some tv, or grab a non-sexual shower. By the time you get out, and dried off, you should be ready for round two.

 

Honestly though, your extended foreplay, and your anxiety for lack of performance is the only thing causing that.

 

Have fun though.

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BTW, some women I have spoken to, are perfectly fine if you don't last forever...as long as you are willing to keep trying or try something else.

 

Besides, it is kinda like learning a foreign language; if you are willing to sincerely try, someone is willing to help. ;-)

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you should mix it up a bit. 4 hours of foreplay is not really foreplay.. it's like extended sex play without sex... I mean... it has it's time and place, but shouldn't be all the time.

 

When you are ready to go for it, go for it... then do afterplay... then... if you feel like going again and she does too... do it again... repeat until one or both of you feel like sleeping or doing dishes...

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When you are ready to go for it, go for it... then do afterplay... then... if you feel like going again and she does too... do it again... repeat until one or both of you feel like sleeping or doing dishes...

 

LOL! wow, thanks a bunch guys.

 

Our sexuality thus far has consisted of me going down on her, I'm like a kid at christmas, and she's erm... "satisfied". so there is something to work with....

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So go with that...

 

Start kissing, and removing clothes.. Then do that.. Don't stay there forever though, keep it mixed. Anticipation is the greatest tool in keeping it exciting.

 

Try 69. It's great foreplay, and when it gets "down" to things, it just builds the anticipation, and at the same time, makes it's much better..

 

From there, just move to sex. Instead of trying to be slow and sweet all the time(which is good, but not all the time), just go for the gold, get loud, sweaty, the whole nine.. Be animalistic almost. Quickies, or even, extended quickies are great!

 

I can't find time for 4+ hours for sex. But, me and my girl can find 20 minutes for a quickie, just in time to clean up, toss on a clothes and meet the friends for drinks at the bar, only to go home in the early am, and do it over it.

 

HAVE FUN!

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