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Hey guys.. I just wanted to ask you guys for your opinions... I think my best friend might be becoming anorexic but im not sure, mayb I am just overreacting, but i am really concerned about her.. Well it started a few weeks ago she stoped eating lunch at school. She said she thought she was getting "too fat" even though she is sooooo skinny! she's about 166cm tall and weighed 52 kg but last night she told me how happy she was because she lost some weight to something like 46kg. She doesnt like me talking about it with her but she goes on random high's sometimes and tells me its because she lost some weight. Lately she's hardly been eating and when i stayed the weekend at her house she only ate breakfest. She also told me that she'll start eating "more healthy" when she reaches 44 kg and that I have nothing to worry about. But she also keeps hinting in all these things about wanting to try weed and other drugs because she heard it kills your appetite. She's also recently started smoking instead of eating. Do you think I have anything to worry about? Should I just leave it or what should I do?

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I definitely think she is on the verge of developing an eating disorder. What starts as 'dieting' can slip into a complete obsession with food. I have been anorexic, and it started the same way. I think the best you can do is NOT push her to eat, but express your concerns. At school, you may contact a mentor or counsellor if you have one, or just a teacher you know she is close to. Doing drugs is dangerous, they often cause a higher bloodpressure and are dangerous overall. Are you close to her parents? Maybe you can call them and express your concern. Tell them that it's better that they don't tell her you told them, they should just keep an eye on her. My life was saved by the concern of my parents, the care of my friends and most importantly the constant care of my mentor in high school. She dragged me through the worst parts of gaining weight, and I had a lot to gain after I lost so much. The more she looses weight, the harder it is to 'climb' back.

 

I hope she will see that this is unhealthy for her.

 

Ilse

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If your friend has been feeling "high" after not eating/losing weight, she is starting to associate weight loss with a feeling of control or power. She's starting to see things in black and white, good and bad. Weight loss is good, food is bad. She may not be officially anorexic yet, but I would say she has an eating disorder non specified.

 

You are a good friend to notice these things and to worry, but the sad thing is, you can't help someone with an eating disorder if they don't want help first. I know it's hard to hear that, but I've seen friends who have had eating disorders, and personally battled with one too. No matter what people tell an anorexic, if she can't see there's a problem, she won't try to change.

 

Saying that, you CAN still help. You need to help your friend realize there's a problem. I also recommend that you get the help of a counselor, who can help you confront your friend or who can help confront your friend. Also, remember to reaffirm your friend that you care for her no matter how she acts or how she looks.

 

And if she talks about weight, DON'T indulge her. If she talks about how fat she feels, don't go "oh no, you're so skinny!" just change the subject. If she talks about how little she ate or how much weight she lost, change the subject. I know it sounds strange to not negate everything she says about her unhealthy weight loss habits, but anorexics often like it when people say things like "no, you're actually really skinny" and "no, you ate nothing at all!" It's a reaffirmation in their minds that they're doing something right by not eating.

 

Good luck.

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And if she talks about weight, DON'T indulge her. If she talks about how fat she feels, don't go "oh no, you're so skinny!" just change the subject. If she talks about how little she ate or how much weight she lost, change the subject. I know it sounds strange to not negate everything she says about her unhealthy weight loss habits, but anorexics often like it when people say things like "no, you're actually really skinny" and "no, you ate nothing at all!" It's a reaffirmation in their minds that they're doing something right by not eating.

 

Good luck.

 

I am afraid that this is TRUE. I was exactly like that. I'd also bring up food in sort of an innocent way, so that people would comment on my weight. I think I still do that from time to time, although I eat a lot I never really got back to a weight that is healthy for my length (184 cm, I weigh between 61 and 63 kg, and in my worst period, ten years ago, I was around 50 kg). I can't say I actually dislike that skinniness. But contrary to the past, I now know that it's not a compliment if people say I look skinny. So instead of taking it as a hint to loose more, I now increase my intake if my mom gets that worried look again

 

I talk a lot about anorexia, here and IRL. I want to give people who are affected with this disorder and people who are close to somebody who is, the hope that a person CAN HEAL from this. But it is right, it has to come from the person her/himself to start healing and adjusting to a better lifestyle.

 

Ilse

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Sounds like she is too concerned about her weight and it is unhealthy.

 

How old is your friend? Can you mention to her parents? Any chance you can lightly mention that it would be better to eat 3 meals a day and that you will exercise with her?

 

Any chance you can leave books or literature out that have the effects of not getting enough nutrition? This is not good.

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thank you guys so much for your advice! its really helpful..my friend is 17 years old...and I am quite close with her parents... but I don't know whether I should say something or not. My friend is very close with the school councelor. but I doubt that she will talk to her about this... Is it possible to be aware that your anorexic? or becoming it? Do you think she knows that she isnt being healthy but she still wants to do it anyway because it makes her really happpy?

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First of all...weed will not kill your appetite. Have you ever heard of "the munchies"?

 

Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens alot and as a friend there is nothing you can do other than be there for her. She needs to see a professional, but the tough thing is actually getting her there & getting her to admit she has a problem. Meanwhile, she could get very sick. This is just the way it is.

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