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well here we go i kinda got a long speil here for you guys and kinda all this can be put in about 15 diffrent sections so i hope here is right and thi is my first time posting here.

 

well right now i am currently single as of 3 days ago. I had the most perfect girl any man could ever wish for. She honestly was perfect in every way for me... well my issue comes in here... even though she was perfect i still had issues trusting her (my last few ex's cheated on me one of them cheated on me in my bed on my bday while i was at work and recorded it on the pc but anyways...) it kinda has givin me a trust issue.. i want to trust her i know she wouldnt do anything to hurt me like that so how can i get this stupid thought out of my brain..

on to the next one i seem to overreact to anythign she tells me.. like she would tell me like she dont want to see me a certain day or didnt want to call me at a time i would flip out on her.. only thing i can put this to is i got huge Abandonment Issues from my dad and mom kinda jettin on me when i was young and every girl i ever cared about leaving me. right now this girl even though we are not currenlty dating still calls me daily to tell em she loves me and make sure i am ok.. so i know that she cares and she has even told me after i get better she still may give me a chance but wants me to get better for me first which i understand.

i also have a issue with needing everythign to be pereft in life i hate if somethign dont go right and it gets me all pissed off and i end up takin it out on her even tho i dont mean to.. so any thoughts on how i can fix that also lol...

 

now here comes the big one and reason why we broke up.. we got n a huge fight about me trusting her and i kinda wigged out and ended up takin a screw driver to my arm and cuttin myself.. (when i was younger i had a issue with self mutilation) and i did this in front of her.. the second i did it i resented it and i wont lie at time i still have the urges to do so.. but i dont do it.. i think i am retarded for doing it but i just cant get the thoughts out of my head.. she seems to be my constant at the moment anythign goes wrong she seems to be able to lvl me out and i love that about her and want to make myself better for myself and not only that for her also so i may have a chance with a woman that shows me so much love..

 

sorry about the page speil and ty for anyone that can help me with this heart breaking event i got going on.

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Are you or have you been to counseling yet???? If not... I think it may help.

 

I'd have trust issues too hon if I found out my S.O.. messed around on my B-day.. in my bed..and had the audacity to video it. EEEEK.. who wouldn't.

 

Did you allow yourself time..... time to heal from the previous relationship prior to getting involved with your girl-friend????

 

I heard you say.. she is your constant. She calms you down. She helps you deal with all of your issues. THIS is a huge huge responsibility to lay on someones doorstep. She may be ILL equiped to know how to deal with it. Its a downer hon.. and a huge burden. She can't fix you.. only you can fix you. She can LOVE you... and she can SHARE her life with you... but she can't fix everything for you. Or be your SOLE source of emotional support. You'll suck her dry like an emotional vampire... and I know.. you don't mean it that way. And I know you probably don't even realize you are doing it.

 

The self-mutilation in front of her... when she tried to break-up... ohhhh lordy.. you are manipulating her. You are trying to control her.. to get her to do what you want. THAT is going to make her run the other way. No one wants or needs that kind of guilt trip on them. Love or no love... its too much.

 

YOU need to work on your TRUST issues.. and your abandonment issues out with a Therapist... or else you will keep repeating the cycle again.. and again.. as you have pointed out there have been lots of girls who've turned tail and run.

 

You are probably a wonderful beautiful and worth while soul. You are probably all that and more. But these deeper issues that are playing ping-pong in your head... are huge red flags for a woman to run the other way.

 

My advice to you would be to get yourself help. Go to counseling. Go through therapy... and try to resolve these issues, outside of the context of a relationship.

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yeah i understand everything u r saying that is what drives me so nuts that i am having issues past it. before her i was single for a yr and a half (by choice) to make myself better and i thought i did til i dove into this one. i am going to counceling for the first time today but still a lil scared on how to fix things.

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Hey boosted... I know exactly how you feel... I have the same issues.

 

Best advice I can give you, is that if she ever gave you anything, a ring or something... get some overshirts with pockets, on the left side. Keep whatever she gave you, close to your heart, and whenever you feel weak, hold that object and try to remember a happy thought to do with her.

 

Everything else, the self mutilation and all that, look at how it upset her, look how that affected her. I did that once, when I was extremely upset, my girl found out and it nearly drove her away from me. I hung on, the scars are gone (I heal well), and we're still together.

 

Just remember, she chose you. A little insecurity is understandable, but don't let that control you. Counceling will help speed you along that path, but only YOU can truly make that change.

 

Good luck.

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ok this i assume is not a bad thing.. but kinda left me a bit kinda in the unknown.. the ex came over last night cause i was sick and could not go to work.. she broguth me a chocolate shake and we talked for a bit and ended up kissing a few times a few kinda more this jsut pecks.. then we ended up laying in my bead watching movies.. she ended up takin her pants off and layin in her hunderwear to watch the movies (she said she was uncomfortable after work in them pants) anywho we laind in bed and cuddled for a good few hrs.. and before she left she told me she loves me but we still need time.. and today when i broguht up last night she said she was happy about last night but wont want me bringing it up and she jsut dont want a releasionship right now.. should i be happy about all this cause there is still hope should i be sad cause she is not rdy yet .. or what.. lol i dont want the visits like that to end so i am so afarid to say anything really.. i jsut want to keep the visits and hope for the best.. but i guess i just dont see what she is got going on here if she does what she did but not ready for us to be a us yet..

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