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ever mounting jealousy! what do i do???!!!


shep88ner
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ok, i have quite a lengthy situation at hand. i hope someone can help me. ok...ive been dating this girl now for 9 months. everything seems alright between us except we both have HUGE jealousy issues. the reason i get so jealous of her is for a few reasons. back when we were dating for 2 months, she called me crying her eyes out that she was going to get beat up for "having sex with her friends ex-bf"...she swore up and down in tears to me she never had sex with him. however, i got some tips n clues here and there, and ended up asking her about it again, 2 months later. she again swore to me, she never had sex with him. then about a month later, i slipped n admited she did. she just didnt tell me cause she "didnt want me to break up with her". ok...i can get over that after a bit...but then this happened...after we had met, 2 days later she went on a band trip to florida. she told me on new years night that i "could not kiss any other girls that night". we werent dating, we were doing that "talking" thing. several months after she retured. she told me she 'peck' kissed her ex. on the bus ride down there, but that was absolutly it. then a month later, she did admit that they messed around on the bus once everyone went to sleep the first night. again, this hurt me very badly that she lied to me again.

 

let me give you some background info on the 2 of us, this'll explain most of my jealousy. she is 5'8, 110lbs. very skinny. and she LOVES to show off her body. (shortest skirts, tiny shorts her butt actually hangs out sometimes). before we met, she was always the life of the party, flirting with EVERYONE, and even is known to randomly makeout with ppl she met literly 10min b4. she loves the 'sexual' attention she can easily get. im not like this. ive had 3 gf's including her, my longest b4 this 9 months, was 3 weeks. im not gay or nething, i just always had sports to worry about. she is my first in every sexual activity. however, she started "getting friendly" with guys back in 8th grade, i was a senior b4 i started with her. she's done everything A LOT, except sex. and now ive moved away to college, an hour and a half away. she says she's changed from her boy-crazy ways, but it's so hard to believe cause i mean, she REALLY loves the attention she gets by showing off her body n she is a natural flirt, she flirts with any guy she talks to.

 

she said the reason she was so boy-crazy was cause her dad left her at a young age, n she was looking for love n would do nething with any guy if she thought they'd love her. i cant totaly blame her for that respect. but b4 we official met, we kinda informaly met a month b4 hand. she was still dating her ex (from the bus)...n she was flirting with my friend alex at a party, n even grabed his arm n almost held hands with him. she even gave him her number. need i remind you, she was still dating her ex at that point. i asked her bout it, n she said "they were on the rocks" n bout to break up anyway. however, when he broke it off with her, she cried like crazy n did anything imaginable to get him back. so with me being this far away, we do still have our arguments, n i get really jealous of her doin to me what she did to him. and i hate how she flirts n shows off what she's got all the time.

 

she has given me no reason to not trust her latly, things are goin alright. but the feeling of how she is bothers me every day of my life. WHAT DO I DO??!! how do i just let it go??? because it's band season again, and she discribes "good parties" n "bad parties"....the bad ones, are the ones she was always makin out with random guys n takin clothes off. even if nobody else was. she still goes to parties like these, with drinking and stuff, n i get so nervous n jealous. CAN ANYONE HELP ME!!!!?????

 

 

sorry this is so long!

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It seems like you want different things at the moment. She wants the attention of many men and you want a real, monogamous relationship.

She may grow out of it naturally or something might happen that isn't so pleasent . It will take time.

I don't think you should spend too much time investing in a relationship with anyone who needs to make out with random people and take thier clothes off at parties. Find a girl who is a bit more compatable with where you are now. You see m to want a somewhat mature, calm girlfriend. Sounds like you don't have that yet.

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This person will not make you happy. You will always be wondering about where she is and what she has done with other men. This is no way to live. She clearly has issues but those are her issues to deal with if she wants to deal with them. It sounds to me that she knows why she has these issues but she really is not motivated to fix them. Her self-esteem is tied up with having a string of men after her and no amount of love and security from you will change that unless she herself wants to change. I had a friend who was exactly like her and was insanely jealous of her boyfriend...wouldn't want him to talk to other women....yet she was openly flirtatious with every man she saw and wore short and tight clothing to show off her body. You deserve someone who will respect your feelings and will make you feel special.

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