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advice?really desperate...


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hiya guys ..k wel im a 16 year old girl,iv written here before but i have a new proplem that i need help with?? im pretty sure im bi now,i mean,it might have been a stage but its lasting a long time and its getting more and more obvious that i am as time goes on. i recently accidently told my boyfriend of 2 years that i think im bi, and he was totaly accepting,he thought i was stupid for being so worried and it wasn't a big deal to him but hes there for me. Now i know in not gay,because i love him,but i think im bi. I feel, kind of wrong or something,i mean i know theres nothing to be ashamed of but i dunno,i just feel disgusting or something, maybe its because im new to it and because im worried how people might react, is it normal for me to feel like this?and will i get over feeling like this?

my boyfriend knows iv messed around with other girls but it never actualy ment anything ya no, like he knows i love him and those girls know i love him and we didnt fancy eachother it was just experimenting.

my main question is, how do i accept this? and how do i tell people,im not sure when il do that,but i need to know how to anyway, and wil i ever be 100% sure that i am bi? is it normal to feel like theres something wrong,iv never had anything against it,its just me being bi i seem to have a proplem with....

im worried about this alot and i could really do with advice,even if someone has some advice that i havnt specificly asked for......

 

thanks sooo much!!! xxxx

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my main question is, how do i accept this? and how do i tell people,im not sure when il do that,but i need to know how to anyway, and wil i ever be 100% sure that i am bi? is it normal to feel like theres something wrong,iv never had anything against it,its just me being bi i seem to have a proplem with....

im worried about this alot

 

Hey, I felt the same way when I was about your age. I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend when I was 16. All the girls I knew had done all that before, so I was affraid I was like "lesbian by nature" and thereforeeee the guys wouldn't approach me. But it was not the case.

 

Don't worry about not knowing how to tell the other people... is something personal and private you don't need to make public AT ALL. Is your own bussiness. You may tell people that is close to you, but that's all. You don't have to mention it unless you feel comfortable and safe.

 

Noone has to justify their sexual orientation to anyone. You really don't need permission or approval from people around to be who you are and pursue what you want.

 

There's nothing strange about experimenting, that's what we do when we are teenagers! Maybe you do feel weird because the "common" expectation is that everybody is supposed to be hetero. But that's changing, so people around better accept not everyone feels attracted to the opposite sex. Is not your problem if they don't know how to deal with it, be yourself, and keep experimenting as long as you don't hurt yourself or others.

 

Now, I would like to know too how the heck you find out if you are "100% bi" but I don't think there's anything like a test or something. That's why I preffer the term heteroflexible ya know? It means to me you can be with boys or girls, but not exclusively, and that you simply have the potential to feel atracted to any of them and period. Nothing evil about it.

 

Google information about the Kinsey scale, maybe it might help you clarify your doubts towards sexual orientation, and you'll find out that nothing is absolute.

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I understand what you're going through because I've been there too. The only difference is that I started to go through that when I was 37!

 

Although I'd had a feeling from being 12 that I was a lesbian I always pushed it to the back of my mind. However during my life little reminders would pop up to confuse me again. Everytime this happened it would get harder and harder for me to lock it away in my mind again!

 

My 1st marriage lasted 5 years and my 2nd lasted 14 years. I discovered 6 years ago that I fell in love with a single straight woman (I was married) and this time my feelings refused to be locked away. I decided during this time that I must be bi. Nothing happened between us although I'd told her how I felt. It took me 3 years to get over her!

 

Once I accepted that I was bi my life was turned upside down.

 

After the 3 year healing period I fell in love with another straight girl who was my neighbour and bestfriend. She didn't feel the same way about me, however, sometimes she seemed to lead me on. Other times she would 'throw' my sexuality in my face, that hurt me deeply. The year after that I had a crush on my teacher at college. Like an idiot I told her how I felt too. The problem was that she'd given me a lot longer eye contact in lessons than she'd given the others. When I talked to her she said she hadn't realised she'd done that.

 

Everytime I had feelings for a woman I couldn't bear my husband to touch me. I was confused. If any of these women had said yes I would've had an affair with them or even left my husband for them. This was totally out of character for me!

 

I realised over time that I didn't like my husband touching me anymore. My feelings for him had gone and my love for him had changed. I now felt like he was a brother or friend. My doctor sent me to a Psycho Sexual Counsellor to see if I could save my marriage. My husband went with me too. I'd told him how I felt about the first woman. He didn't leave me because I hadn't committed adultery. I had told him the problem was getting worse.

 

He thought the meetings were helping us, but the more I went to them I realised that I'd already shut the door on our marriage a long time ago. On top of that I'd met a wonderful woman on the internet and we'd fallen in love with each other. There was a problem we lived on the other side of the world to each other.

 

I now realised that I wasn't bi, I was a lesbian and had been all my life but I'd refused to see it. I'd used the bi label as a stepping stone until I got used to thinking of myself as a lesbian.

 

We got engaged in February and we're getting married in July 2007.

 

My advise to you is don't label yourself, and DON'T come out to people until you are 100% sure you know who you are and you're proud being like that. Also if you only want a selected few to know about you DON'T tell someone who'll go against your wishes and tell everyone. My 'so called' bestfriend did that to me last Christmas Eve in front of some of my distant relatives although I'd warned her they hadn't to know. That forced me to come out to my Father.

 

My Father and 2 sisters' and their families refuse to come ot our wedding!

 

Please think wisely before telling people. PM me anytime.

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