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Separating with Children


kath123
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i feel for you as i am in exactly the same situation and dont know where to turn. My partner of twelve years told me on wednesday that he still has feelings for me but not the right ones we have nine year old twins and he is a very good father , also we had a crisis last christmas when i found out that he had kissed someone else,i know this person didnt mean anything to him but the fact that he could do such a thing to me destroyed me . He told me then that he was worried that he didnt love me in the way he should but in the end we tried to sort it out and try again to get back to how we once were but it didnt happen as you can see.

I went through so much pain then that i am even more scared now because i know how much it is going to hurt!

Even so i insisted that he finds somewhere else to live immediately and he has found a flat to rent about a mile away, although he hasnt moved into it yet and we havent spoken to the children about it (i have this to look forward to when they return from school today) he will then move out tonight. I know this is going to be the hardest part but having him at home when i know he's going is an unbearable torture.

I told him i wanted to try again to sort out our releationship because i love him so much but he didnt agree, which led me to wonder if there was another woman involved (and guess what! I was right) he says they have only been speaking through email until this week . I dont know if this is true but it doesnt really matter now. What matters is me and my children .

I havent eaten for six days like you and my mood changes from minute to minute I dont really have anyone to talk to and find myself pouring out my feelings to HIM of all people when i know he doesnt really care.

Im sorry this is supposed to be a reply giving you advice but i wanted you to know your not alone there are loads of people in this horrible situation but we must stay strong and focused, and i think the first thing you must do is tell him to leave asap (a week is long enough to have found somwhere) i know exactly how hard it will be but for your own sanity and well being you have to do this NOW. Then you can begin the crying on your own etc but i think this is part of the process and i hope and pray this awful feeling wont last too long for either of us!!

let me know if you would like to talk more,

kath123

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Welcome to ENA... sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I know this was a response to another post, but felt you might get more responses in its own thread.

 

It's difficult to share your feelings with the subject of them and can sometimes confuse matters even more. Please feel free to vent your feeling on here.

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Kath123....

 

Welcome to ENOTALONE...

 

I am sorry you are going through this situation by yourself. If you need to vent.. do so here. You are also welcomed to PM me at anytime. I've been divorced for 2 years and have 2 small children myself. I can understand that your first course of action is to minimize the blow to the kids. There's a book called..

 

link removed by M. Gary Neuman

You can find it through AMAZON... its a great book that talks about questions kids may have and how the PARENTS should behave and the PARENTS responsibility to the children.

 

I also signed my kids up for a Divorce and Separation class through a local church. Not my denomination... but it was VERY helpful. And some schools offer Classes for children. All very good outlets for your kids should "THEY" need to vent.

 

YOU... have you gone to counseling yet??? do please find yourself a good counselor to help you through this situation. Just having an unbiased ear and someone to unload to is a huge relief.

 

I will tell you what my MD told me when I was falling appart and not functioning.. and going up and down with the moods.

 

There are only 2 things YOU have to do. Number 1.. You have to take care of your children. Number 2... You have to go to work

 

In order to accomplish both these things.. YOU NEED TO EAT.. YOU NEED TO SLEEP. Those are the things you HAVE to do.

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thanks for your replies, I have broken the news of the break up to my children and at the moment they are helping their father sort out his new flat,this has all happened so fast i have hardly had time to breathe and now i find myself sitting in an empty house writing this on a computer it feels surreal and i know i cant hold it together for much longer without breaking down but feel i must stay strong for my children

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