I don't know what we're doing!

[usababe]

My ex (who broke up with me 8 months ago) and I are talking regularly now, he initiated the first contact but it's been pretty much 50 50 since then. He ended his last e-mail with a kiss, which he only ever did when we were together.

We never fell out, the reason for the break up was he was unsure if he wanted to be in a relationship. He came back a couple of months later saying he thought he made a mistake and still had feelings for me but he was still confused so I just applied NC after that.

I'm scared to get my hopes up but it's difficult. Do you think he wants to get back together? I don't wanna ask him at the moment cos I just wanna go with the flow and let things develop if they're going to, but I don't wanna get my heart broken again either. Has anyone else had experience with this?

[whoops]

Yup - i was in a 4yr relationship and they never knew what they wanted all of a sudden an opportunity came up to work and they jumped at it irrespective of me.

 

If they dont know what they want then i would suggest it aint you - walk away and find another or your heart will be broken.

[rightfromthestart]

my 2 cents

 

they broke up with u. they have told u they are still confused. but the fact remains you are no longer together. so, if u really want to go with the flow, u must stop wondering what they are thinking. going with the flow is getting on with your life. make sense?

[kafka]

Do you think he wants to get back together?

Do you think he would have decided that by now? I do.

 

Don't be surprised when the day comes that he meets someone he fancies and leaves you high and dry, saying as he leaves, "but we weren't going out anyway."

 

Move on. He's playing with you, intentionally or not, that is what he is doing.

[annie24]

Do you think he would have decided that by now? I do.

 

Don't be surprised when the day comes that he meets someone he fancies and leaves you high and dry, saying as he leaves, "but we weren't going out anyway."

 

Move on. He's playing with you, intentionally or not, that is what he is doing.

 

sadly, I agree....

 

I've read your other posts about him, and things don't sound so promising as they stand.

 

I suggest meeting some new guys to get your mind off your ex.

 

I have been in a similar situation myself some years back, and I wish enotalone existed back then. I know you guys would have told me to forget him - that if he wanted me back, he'd be beating down my door, not sending e-mails with slight flirty overtones.

 

and yeah, just like kafka said, when he found a gf, he acted surprised that I even batted an eyelash! like, 'well, we are just friends.'

[usababe]

Yeah that makes sense, thank you. So what should I do now? i can't just ignore him if he contacts me now, after being in such regular contact over the last few weeks. Should I ask him where I stand with him?

 

You're right about meeting someone new, I've gone out with some guys since him but haven't met anyone that I've really connected with like I have with him.

[annie24]

Yeah that makes sense, thank you. So what should I do now? i can't just ignore him if he contacts me now, after being in such regular contact over the last few weeks. Should I ask him where I stand with him?

 

You're right about meeting someone new, I've gone out with some guys since him but haven't met anyone that I've really connected with like I have with him.

 

well... I would start distancing myself from him.... i see the situation from two different view points - one from when I was really into this guy and he broke up with me, and i never got over him, and another from my viewpoint today.

 

I guess if you want to stay in contact with him, start backing off on the contact. ie, only reply to e-mails where he asks you a direct question (not forwards!) and just ease off, meet other guys.

 

the thing is, when a man is into you, you don't need to e-mail him and 'remind him' you still exist. trust me, I've tried, doesn't work. doesn't do anything at all.

 

after all, he broke up with you! if he wanted to still be with you, he would. that is the awful fact. so no amount of e-mailing him or sending him cute jokes is going to get him back. trust me, I've tried that too. that didn't work either.

 

i genuinely believe that your best shot at getting him back is to go to the gym, look awesome, get some new clothes, and a new boyfriend. that's always the time that exes seem to come back....

 

ok, so you don't like these guys, but there is no reason you can't keep meeting new guys, or just hanging out with people as friends. at least that will keep you busy and your mind off your ex for a few hours at a time...

[audreypoulain]

[quote=annie24;1246748

after all, he broke up with you! if he wanted to still be with you, he would. that is the awful fact. so no amount of e-mailing him or sending him cute jokes is going to get him back. trust me, I've tried that too. that didn't work either.

 

Well I kind of disagree there, look Yes Annie made some good points about moving on but what I think is to go with your heart. I was in the same position where my Ex came back through e-mail and I would wonder where we stand. I wanted to break it off and move on and I did but the heart wants what the heart wants...and I wrote back and it flowed back and forth. If you think it can work out then dont give up and write to him. Trust me he might want to meet up with you or call you sooner than you think. After a few e-mails well a month of back and forth my EX wrote that he wanted to call me! he called and we met up and when we did we didn't talk about the past or anything bad about the relationship since the e-mails did the talking! so we hung out and had fun Imagine if I had given up and not written to him I probably wouldn't have had a wonderful night under the stars with him! So just dont give up even if just a friendship happeneds! just appreciate that he came back to you and made the initiative to write you that alone can be a good thing.

 

If you do want to find out where you stand you can do the following, I wrote my ex in the e-mail something like: well you initiate contact and I am happy to write to you but I would like to know where this goes do you a.) want to meet up for drinks or shoot billiards? b.) just want a solid e-mail friendship with potential for more in the future? c.) have an issue or problem and just want someone who knows you well to help out? or d.) would like to meet up and talk about us with some potential for more?

 

do the above if you in your heart wants an answer and can stomach whatever choice he makes. Hope this helps

[usababe]

Yeah I agree with you, he initiated contact with me and I have never done that so some part of him does still want me in his life.

He's not like most guys, he hardly ever goes out he's really shy and I was his first gf. I genuinely think he still has feelings for me but seems to have some commitment issues.

I think i may have ruined things with him now I asked him to be my friend on myspace and I completely forgot I had a pic with a guy hugging me as my homepage photo - he hasn't spoken to me since he saw it urgh!

[annie24]

fair enough..... but did you and the ex wind up getting back together, or is it just kind of like a friendship with a bit of fooling around tossed in?

 

many exes do like to stay in contact? why? because when they are bored, they can give you a call, hang out, and maybe even fool around with you while they are waiting to meet their next girlfriend. I have fallen into that trap.

 

I'm just saying, just because a guy is calling you or e-mailing doesn't mean he wants to get back together.

[Aricela]

Well.. I actually had a very similar situation with my ex. We played this unsure game, neather of us taking a step forward but finally he did and now we're back together and it's even better than before.

But I agree that it is a risky game and it might end up with an heartache. Just try not to get too attached to him.

 

Good luck !

[usababe]

Too late for that, I'm already shedding tears over him again. Thanks for telling me your positive story though