Confused but you need to see the whole story

[taurus]

I met my ex in April, she is Spanish and me English, we both spoke very little of the others language, although we got by, she made it perfectly clear within a couple of days that she really liked me, and after a week said she loved me, I was gobsmacked, and could not respond the same way but said that in time if she hang around i would feel the same as i was falling for her, but felt frightened to reveal my true feelings, eventually 10 days later she retrurned to Spain (she was working for the same company as me but in a different office). At the time I was married not happily but my family lived elsewhere as my work commitments made me work away from them.

She also knew what she was getting into as she knew i was married.2 nights before she left, she started crying and saying she did not wan to leave, the usual stuff, but eventually she returned and said I would come to Spain to see here real soon, and its not goodbye but see you soon.

 

Well 1 week later I had arranged to go to see her for a few days she was so happy, I met her children who fell in love with me. We had fantastic time. This lady has an obsession about mobile phones she has 3, she had asked me how i felt about her and i told her that i loved her and realised the moment she left me to go home, she asked me how i felt about my wife, i told her that my wife and i had no love for each other.

I received a text from my wife saying she wanted to see how i was, and for the first time in god knows how many years, she ended the text "love you"

My girlfriend saw this and started crying, i am breaking upm a family and you must go and never see me again.

I consoled her and said that is the frist time she has said that in years, and i have no feelings the same, it is you i love. After a while she came round, and was fine.

I returned to my work, and one night received a strange text saying i know about your affair with this girl and i send a text to her to make a cry, it cannot continue, i thought someone jealous of what we had, until my wife received a text saying your husband is seeing someone and named a name, clearly the only person who culd have done this was this woman, although i realised it i did not want to lose her as I love her.

Over the next 3 months i visited her again, and eventually in July she was seconded to work again with me for 8 weeks, we had a great time and I agreed woith her one day that it is time to tell the wife about everthing, she encouraged me to go there to see her and tell her, rather than on the telephone, i agreed, it wasnt pretty but it happened.

Towards the end of the 8 weeks, she indicated to me that she wanted to stay and work with me, but the children could be a problem, i suggested that thye come over for a wek to see what they think, the youngest one came and we had such a wonderful time, loads of photos, great days out as a family, etc etc. Then the bombshell the oldest daughter 19 said no i dont want to live there. Although we had agreed that we would be together forever and she sid i am the only man to ever look into her heart she was not prepared to move without both her children, and for the time being we could continue visiting each other every 2 weeks or so, as before.

We alwas SMS each other every day, and spoke each day.

The day after she left I checked my laptop to look at the photos we had, and they were gone.

I could not believe it, they had been deleted.

I was invited to go to see her the following week, when she also suggested we go to London to se my folks, great, i thought, only after 3 days there she said when one morning, this isnt going to work, i asked why she replied well you always like to hug and kiss, i dont feel well, and need time to recover, well that day i made no initiation to hold hands or put my arm round her, after 2 or 3 hours she put her arm round me and said i love you very much you are my life, thank you.

Then a day later I cant go to London i have to work, but you go and then retrun here in 3 days time, i reluctantly agreed and she said I took the photos off the computer, but now we put them back again, i asked her why she said she did not like them. Maybe shy, and not wantig anyone to see them other than me. She dropped me at the airport, and said see you on monday my baby. I went to London and she called to say she loved me, and then 8 jours later received a text saying i could not go to see her as she was going to have to work, i changed my flight so that iwas only in her city for a few hours, instead of the 3 days as planned. I asked her of she could see me while i was there for lunch or coffee, she said no. She said let me know when i was at the airport, i did,m and she replied im sorry for today, very busy , i love you, and i come to see you on friday.

When I eventually got home, once again photos had been deleted, but not all this time just he ones with her and me together, and those with her daughter.

And you guess the rest, she never came to see me, she made an excuse that she has no time as she has to work 7 days a week until november and feels that for now no contact until she is ready and able to continue. and then we continue 100%, fine i thought, 2 hours later i received a call, blimey that was quick i thought, she was unhappy too much work and the fact that she could not see me for 7 weeks. I suggested to her that she has to prioritise what is more important the work, or the rlationship, not an ultimatum more of a compromise, i can come over and stay there, and in the evenings we can go out, or chnage the job to one that allows her to continue.

She said she would think about it, and would give me answer in 1 week. the next day finished, she tells me that she loves me, and wants me, but has no time, and is not ready.

I initiate NC, after the first couple of days, then 3 days receive a text saying how are you etc etc, no more soppy love you relies from me just fine thanks for texting, then she says that i am just atypical man going cold.

I broike the NC rule and replied and told her that i am not cold, and that i would not fiorget the good times we had together.

NC, then i receive an email, saying she sends her affection and kisses.

A mutual friend has called me to say that she is in a right state, why does he not call me, or text me anymore, i dont understand it.

He has also said to me that she did not want to end the relationship, and that i will hear something within a week from her.

 

Now this is what i dont understand, this friend, are he and her seeing each other, because if someone wants to get back with someone they do it.

How does he know that it will be within a week.

My gut feeling is that i stil love this lady, but that this realtionship may have difficluties in the future and may be well left alone, but I am prepared to give it a try if she is. I dont want to push her as she felt pressured when we were together towards the end as work was not going to well, but i dont want her to think i aint interested.

 

I continue with NC, get my life back n track and see what happens, but then very 2nd or 3rd day i get contact.

 

Can anybody please see a pattern in this relationship what went wrong so that i dont make the same mistake again either with her or someone else

If yo are still awake after reding this that is.

I feel that i put pressure on her, as I became ill in June, and nearly died, and maybe the subconscious was telling me to live my life quick as i did not know how long i had left. We had discussed living together in the future, getting married, and she said she would like us to have children. But now its all o different, she says she is frightened and has fear, as before when her 2 other significant realtionships broke down, her children suffered considerably, maybe this is her fear. How can i alleviate this fear.

[robowarrior]

The mistake you made is adultery. You should never step with one foot in another relationship, while the other is in a previous one. Your watching everything from your selfish perspective, while you should have looked things from another persons shoes to see the hell you are putting everyone thru.

 

If you don't love your wife, then the relationship you have with her is meaningless, and you should have broken it off and got a divorce. Would have been better then lying and cheating her by going around her back with someone else.

 

What you experiencing now is just karma kicking your butt. All the lying is now coming back to you, as said the karma is like a boomerang hitting you back in the head. You see life is like a rigged roulette game, if you gamble and do stuff like this you always lose, its just that you need to realise it. Someone knew what you where doing and that something was going on, So yeah there is a traitor amongst ya. However this is something you brought upon yourself by comitting adultery. What was the marriage vow again? To be faithfull,love eachother and stay together till death do us part? What does that vow mean to you? Obviously not very much.

 

Look do yourself a favour, Fate already has condemded this relationship that you have with this Spanish woman, you can see how she is screwing around and lying to you. My advice is the following. Goto your wife, ask for a divorce because your heart for her has gone cold. Then in the future PREVENT AT ALL COST that you hurt anyone's heart again, you got that? Otherwhise fate will just shovle more gong in your mouth,equal to the amount that you have hurted others. Listen more to your gut feeling on wether something is right or wrong, stop deceiving others and yourself.