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....I'm with one woman, yet have dreams about another....


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I live with the mother of my child (I've written about her in the past, if you look at my previous posts). - She and I were broken up for over and year and got back together about 2 1/2 months ago.

Now, during that break I met a friend of my sister's and we instantly had a massive crush on each other. She's my sister's best friend and they stay in the same dorm on a college campus. She and I have hung out a handful of times, maybe 7 or 8 times total, but there's no denying that there's an attraction there. I tried to pursue things with her a few times, but it's hard because the college is 2 hours away from where I stay. I couldn't see her everyday like I would've like to, she was always busy throughout the school year anyway, with her classes and various exams and projects. So I figure let me wait 'till the summer break so I can try and make something happen then. BUT she takes summer classes that keep her almost more busy than she was during the regular school year. I tried countless times to hang out with her but it never happened because the classes kept her so busy. I was a bit discouraged 'cause I couldn't see her but was totally understanding that her classes were so demanding while also working as a waitress. So I knew she was busy, and I actually liked the fact that she was so dedicated to her studies. I mean I asked at one point during the summer when was the next time we'd see each other and she told me it would be a while because the classes were so demanding. So, that's that.

Like I said before, my current girlfriend and I were still broken up at the time of all this. The 'college girl' was so busy & I wasn't pursuing anyone else. Meanwhile I'm spending lots of time with my girlfriend and my son. The more we hung out the better things seemed to get, like I said we had MAJOR problems before. But since 'college girl' was so busy it gave time the chance to heal the wounds between my girlfriend and I, so we got back together.

Shortly after she and I got back together my sister gets a call from 'college girl' saying that she wants she and I to up to the city to chill with her. So we're at a party hanging out, waiting for 'college girl' to get there and she gets to the party and stays for about 5 minutes, says hi to me in the coldest way, then leaves. Apparently we were to meet her at this apartment complex to go swimming in the pool.

We get to the pool and I see her with a little group of her friends, people she worked with. She and I still hadn't said anything to eachother. Se we're in the pool, i'm talking with my sister and cousin, 'college girl' swims over and says something to me pretty out of line, then ('cause we had all been drinking) instead of holding my tongue I snap back at her and she and I start arguing!! - Shortly after we don't speak anymore for the rest of the night. (that totally caught me by surprise!)

The next day we go see her at her apartment and things are still awkward between she and I. We go to her room and I fall asleep on her bed (we were all hanging out in there). AFter a while she wakes me up and we're alone in the room. She tries to flirt & joke around like before and of course I can't stay mad at this girl that I've had a huge crush on, so I joke along with her to try and ease the tension between us. (not crossing any lines 'cause I was in a relationship at that time, it was harmless friendly flirting).

Later on we all go and have lunch somewhere before we head back home. She and I may have flirted a bit in her room, but things were still awkard between us for some reason. I wanted to speak to her about why she snapped at me the way she did the night before, that's what was bugging me. So after lunch when we're getting ready to leave I pull her to the side and we talk. I get her to tell me why she acted the way she did, bringing her to tears, which made me feel bad. She was sad that my girlfriend and I had gotten back together because she knows damn near everything that's happened between us since I told my sister. She and my sister are best friends so naturally my sis is going to vent to her. She was scared for me because she didn't want me going thru more drama and hard times with my girl; she said I deserved better than that.

Know I know that at times ladies will say all the right things when it comes to getting what they want, but I know this was genuine. She's a God fearing woman and I know, or hope, she wouldn't say things to me in hopes of getting her way. - But after we talked and I dried her tears we hugged and I went home; I haven't seen her since.

My girlfriend knows that there was/is an attraction there, but knows nothing ever happened, and nothing did. She and I had been living together for a little over a month before I had to leave for another deployment to the desert. Things had really been improving between us, and naturally I'm happy about that because she and I have a beautiful son together.

Now, the day I'm leaving to come out here I get a few texts from 'college girl', one which asked me "why didn't you ever pursue anything with me when you had the chance?" - I wrote back telling her that we had only been around each other 7 or 8 times. We had only been alone 2 times, once when I first met her, and that time in her room. I told her that, along with her living 2 hours away and staying so busy with school (which i totally understood), made it hard to try and pursue anything with her. I tell her that i know the type of guys she's dated in the past and that I'm not like them at all. She's always getting cheated on, or giving in too quickly and letting them get what they want, then they take off. I'm not about that. I've never been about that. I like getting to know a woman before I actually get involved with her. I told her that, no matter how big a crush i have on her I wanted to get to know her.

THEN I throw in the fact that I DID try to make something happen over the summer, but she stayed busy with school, so what could I do? I say that it gave time the chance to heal the wounds between my ex and I, which is why we got back together. I know if 'college girl' wouldn't have been as busy she and I would've been together and my ex would've never had a chance. I always loved my ex, but I was tired of the BS and wasn't going to wait around for her. But being that she and I have a son together I was always around her and the baby, and things just got better over time.

But I told 'college girl' what I did and never got a response. I've been out in the desert and almost 4 weeks and she still hasn't said anything about her question or my answer. - Even if I shoot her an email everyonce in a while she won't respond.

As you have probably figured out, this 'college girl' is the woman who I've been dreaming about. Now, I've NEVER had a dream about my current girlfriend, the one who I've been involved with for almost 3 years, minus the time we were apart. But I've had dreams about 'college girl' since before I left, so I know it isn't because I'm away from home. - I've had dreams about her since before she asked me that question, so I know it isn't because she hasn't responded to my answer. Even though I would like a response, I'm not going to bug her about it. - - - - I don't know, but I've had a good amount of dreams about her since my ex and I got back together. She even told me she had dreams about me.

I don't know what else to do or say. I woke up this morning and couldn't go back to sleep because I had another dream about her. I just laid there wondering how or why I'd dream about another woman when I'm involved one already. It's really bugging me. People tell me to ignore it, that they're just dreams...., and I have. BUT it's dream after dream after dream! and this 'college girl' is always in my dreams! - What does this mean, or what can I do?? Some advice on my situation would be GREAT!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!!

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You're situation is rough. While you never really stepped too far over the line with 'college' girl, she is now an infatuation of yours. You need to decide whether you are going to put it away and be with your girlfriend and child, or whether you are going to give that up to pursue this other girl.


Keeping her in the back of your mind, without closing the door one way or the other, will continue to haunt you. I am sure that, were you to leave your girlfriend you would dream of her, your child, and the family you could be together.


It sounds like things are improving in your current relationship. Keeping this 'fantasy' alive will do nothing to further foster your family.


The advice depends on which way you want to go. The only thing I can offer at this time is to make a decision. Weight it all out. And, then, do the things you need to do to support your future. Don't allow yourself to straddle the line here.


Good luck

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