mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Well i've been posting my problems with my long term girlfriend for a while. The break up happened yesterday, it was mutual the reasons were... 1. She wanted to be a lot more involved with her friends 2. She was not 100% into our relationship, but I was so in the end I was the one getting hurt. I confronted her yesterday, telling her that shes been distant and not putting much effort into our relationship and she said she did notice it. I told her that maybe she needs to realise how important I am or maybe not and the only way to tell would be to break up, and if we were meant to be we would get back together. I took control of the mutual break up and initiated NC instantly and told her that she should only contact me if she wanted me back. I miss her like crazy but Im not showing it... She talked to a few people I know and they told me that she wanted us to be friends. So the same day as the break up I sent a text saying: "Hey... I just want to let you know that I do want to be friends with you but thats after I get over you." She replied "oh really? how are you? Can I call you tmmrw?" 20 mins later. I didnt reply after that. The next morning I replied "sorry I didnt reply, I couldnt text you at the time" So its Day 2 and Im holding strong... The only problem for me is that Im being hopeful and Im hoping this plan will attack her insecurities and make her think twice about what she wants and we can get back together. Any advice? Am I on the right track? Also I dont know how to reply if she texts me saying where have you been today? or What are you doing now? Thanks in advance greatly appreciated. Link to comment
asha84 Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Many relationships reaches its point of saturation, i know, mine jus did (after 6 long years) so jus hold on in there... you want her to realise you're worth, well, you have to be strong and not answer or reply to any of her calls or sms's. you're on the right track... let her do everything to get bak to you, if that is what you want. you've already let her know that you love her and everything, now its upto her to decide... ill be cheking your thread now and then... till then have a look at mine.. its in "healing after a break up" ... under... "he broke up with me yesterday" Link to comment
sidehop Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Don't be sorry, don't try to contact her & as much as you miss her, it sounds like you did the right thing as she doesn't really care about the whole situation. Maybe one day she'll realize when it's too late. Keep your head up & enjoy your new life for better opportunities! Link to comment
Emmylu Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 This must be very difficult for you because you didn't really want to break up with her. You are doing a "fake break up" to get her back. Usually people do it when everything else has failed and the other person is still unresponsive. I have done that before, and had it done to me. I'll share with you what happened with me. When I broke up with an ex, it was hell. Time went by sooo slow, and the phone doesn't ring. Even when we have contact, he was so cheerful and friendly it was almost insulting! Anyway, after a while, the fake breakup became real 'cos I just wasn't gonna crawl back to him and time healed me and I moved on. Ironically, after my feelings for him faded, he wanted to get back together again but my feelings were gone. Okay, and now for the time when my bf did that to me. He broke up with me because he said I was distant, etc. He was right, I was falling out of love with him. After two days of this breakup, he told me he was becoming physically ill and one night he went out to get drunk. It didn't take long for me to ask him to take me back so I can make him happy again. I didn't do it because I realized how much I needed him. I did it because I realized how much he needed me. Broke my heart to see my baby suffer. I don't know what state of mind your gf is in. It can go either way... Link to comment
mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Author Share Posted September 30, 2006 Thanks for all your posts, I hope for the best. "fake break up"? well I knew it had to come sometime because I was hurting for about 5 weeks until I decided enough was enough and I confronted my gf about how I was feeling and it ended with a mutual break up which we both agreed on. She just came online (msn) and she initiated the conversation, she was asking me questions on how I feel and I think I handled it the right way, Im following majord23's NC guide and its helping me stay in control and helping me deal with my feelings. asha84 I will be checking up on your thread as well Good luck Link to comment
Emmylu Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 mmd, I think you will be just fine. I only said it's a fake breakup because you are on here and you seem unhappy. When I had REAL breakups, I am so happy and relieved Not So if you really want this, then be happy! Link to comment
mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Author Share Posted September 30, 2006 I want her back and loving me 100% if not that then I want to be completely over her, maybe be good friends with her and be single and happy or find another great and better girl than her. Link to comment
doyathink Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 I thought NC was for the person to be able to heal, not to help get someone back! I think it could backfire by doing this...i dunno. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out. I would avoid all contact for several days for you to get centered, then, if she calls, see what she wants. Link to comment
asha84 Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 Good Luck MMD, I hope you find someone beter and able to luv you... take care... and keep in touch... Luv Asha Link to comment
mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Author Share Posted September 30, 2006 I thought NC was for the person to be able to heal, not to help get someone back! I think it could backfire by doing this...i dunno. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out. I would avoid all contact for several days for you to get centered, then, if she calls, see what she wants. Im doing it for both reasons. To try and get her back aaaaand to help me heal. If I dont get her back I'll be so used to not having her around from the NC that it wont affect me. I dont have my hopes up so I wont get let down if it back fires. Good luck asha... keep in touch for sure. Link to comment
mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Author Share Posted September 30, 2006 Also I would like to know how to deal with her when she comes to me crying or sad about the break up thx Link to comment
mmd Posted September 30, 2006 Author Share Posted September 30, 2006 She just sent a text saying "if we were meant to be we'll get back together: at 11:30 pm, not sure how to respond, i think im just going to leave it. Link to comment
angel1211 Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 I believe no contact is only for you. You are trying to get yourself situated within. It's true that it could backfire and you will not end up with her. Link to comment
mmd Posted October 1, 2006 Author Share Posted October 1, 2006 Im aware of it backfiring, I dont have my hopes up too much. How do I reply to any texts she sends me examples in my previous posts... Link to comment
asha84 Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Hey there Good Morning !! Hmmm, so she sent you a text... you dont have to reply to it... but if u want to you can its your call... usually if i dnt have anything to say i jus reply bak with a smiley or sumthing.. which says that ive acknowledged your msg, but i have notin to say to you as of now... so jus let me be... but in a very nice way... Link to comment
rightfromthestart Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Once upon a time Link to comment
asha84 Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 see some time ppl jus need time and space, to realise what they want and how they want it, and that happens in all relationships... And sometimes, this causes alot of heart break on the other side, cos you start thinking, if i could give in 100% then why cant she... well, we all arent alike ... its not that she doesnt love you, its probably theres too many things running thru her lil mind. so jus have a lot of patience, ALOT OF IT... if u believe it was meant to be, it will... no matter what... Take care Link to comment
mmd Posted October 1, 2006 Author Share Posted October 1, 2006 hey thanks everyone she missed called me and wanted to talk about "us" we basically went through everything again and how it was going to be, NC and she started to get annoyed with me when I wouldnt answer to her question of what ive been up to this weekend. So tmmrw starts school. we'll see what happens... im hurting pretty bad now its kicked into a little bit. She says she misses me and that she isnt 100% yet and she asked how will she know whether ill be ready to take her back when shes ready? I said well you dont you just have to take that chance or not. did i handle this right? Link to comment
asha84 Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 hey thanks everyone she missed called me and wanted to talk about "us" we basically went through everything again and how it was going to be, NC and she started to get annoyed with me when I wouldnt answer to her question of what ive been up to this weekend. So tmmrw starts school. we'll see what happens... im hurting pretty bad now its kicked into a little bit. She says she misses me and that she isnt 100% yet and she asked how will she know whether ill be ready to take her back when shes ready? I said well you dont you just have to take that chance or not. did i handle this right? Whats with the 100 % ? In most of your msgs, i can see a 100%. Whats up with that? luv for another percent is never based on percentages... its either u do or donT! and the reply you gave was right! you handled it fine.. take it easy.. Link to comment
mmd Posted October 1, 2006 Author Share Posted October 1, 2006 well if you are 100% you have no regrets or uncertainties I mean you can love someone but maybe theres something in the way... oh man patience SUCKS Link to comment
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