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From Good to bad.. then bad to crushed (long post)


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Hey people, this is my first post... ok here goes.

I met my girlfriend online 4 years ago online. We talked for a good few months before i asked her out. We had a smooth relationship, *and yes she agreed to an exclusive relationship, everything was great up until once she had a "slip up" with another guy. I was furious but i forgave her because i lover her very much. So then a year and a half goes by and she starts talking about this one guy at school. Talkin about how cute he is and everything... i voiced my opinion about her fawning over him(she's a really big flirt that doesnt know when she's going a bit too far for someone in a relationship) but she retaliated saying i was out of line and that it was ok to look but not touch... well needless to say one day she got high with him in his car... she touched... nothing as far as intercourse or oral.. but still its infidelity however you slice it. So she tells me about it.. crying saying she's sorry, all that stuff. Buuut i again forgive her. Now mind you one thing is already bugging me, i love her and i told her this.. she says the same thing... then all of a sudden after the first year she starts not wanting to say it... its always "I know" or "You too" or "Ditto" as the answer.. and she never tells me first, EVER. So everything starts picking up. I plan on moving up to Michigan where she's from (i live in Alabama) because she says she doesnt want to be away from her family.. i understand that and say ok well after i get some money saved up and get myself ready.. im going to move up there.. That was the 3rd year Then near the end of the third year i actually pop the question... and she said yes.. i was extatic. Never happier. Then cut to a few months ago she talks about this other guy at college.. im like ...ok ill just brush it off. but then she's telling me about how she went out with him and a few other friends and how they were holding hands at the movies and such.. i get pissed. I tell her how i feel but it just doesnt register to her how it made me feel or what justification i had being mad. AND to top that on the same night she tells me that there were two other infidelities that she didnt tell me about that had happened.. i go numb. Cut to last night... Shes talking about a dream she had about one of her cousins (not by blood but still eww) where he was fondling her under a towel.. I'm like eww thats just gross (she had fooled around with a few of her cousins before). She tells me that its OK for her to not mind if that happened. I explode... I'm like who the hell do you think i am!! Here i am engaged to you and your talking about it being OK if this were to happen!! (she's also told me in the past about having a need for attention from people.. particularly males).. after exploding on her for it she says she doesnt want me to talk to her ever again... later she calls and i apologise for what i said.. even tho i really dont think i should have... and she took me back but for some reason i just feel weird now.. oh and she gives me the line today about "I love you but im not in love with you"

I ask her why she agreed to marry me if she wasnt in love with me.. and she says matter of factly.. My parents werent when they got married.. and at this point she's just being calm as if nothings happening while im deeply crushed and upset.. just a little while ago i talk to both a mutual friend of ours and one of my ex's and they both told me i should get rid of her that even though im afraid to be alone.. being alone is better than putting up with this... and while i know they are right... i still love her....damn this hurts. What are your thoughts on this.....

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You never alluded to info. regarding your physical meetings, or their frequency. One could almost assume from reading your post that you've not ever met her in rl (real life), though the fact that you proposed, she accepted, and have carried on for a whole four years indicates to me that you two regularly meet but due to extenuating circumstances have not yet arrived at a permanent cohabitation.

 

Based on all that you've shared, it's hard to take this scenario seriously. She's raving about her unabashed attraction to classmates and her cousins while she's set to marry you? What next-- she's sleeping with her great dane? By the way, I'm from Michigan myself. While cousins don't have a reputation there for being "intimate," Alabama does still carry that awful stigma among the northern states. Are you sure she's not just playing with you?

 

I seriously hope that things are not as you described them-- to a tee. God help our society if it's this bad...

 

At least do divulge more info. regarding rl meetings. Is this girl, as far as you know and are capable of discerning, legally sane and of competent IQ? Cousins? Come on!!!

 

PS- As if you haven't yet guessed... "I agreed to marry you because my mom and dad did without loving each other" sounds like a really, really, obvious red flag that this is bad news and that this girl has the compunction of a cantalope when it comes to her own selfishness.

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