Jump to content

SherriLi
 Share

Recommended Posts

For the ladies:

 

What would you do if you "stumbled" accross naked pics of your boyfiends ex girlfriend, whom he wants very much to be friends with, but you have a prob with it b/c he left you to pursue her in the beginning of the relationship? And If you and your boyfriend were serious and talk alot about getting married and spending the rest of your lives together.

 

Then you confront him about them and he says that he threw them away, you, for some reason, not believing him, go through his packsack that he takes everywhere and find them nuzzled nicely in a special little pocket? WHAT WOULD YOU DO, to find out that your b/f is capable of lieing to you so boldly in the face about something so important, especially when he is sooo GD righteous about everything he does and claims that honesty is one of his most important morals?

 

Ohh, i'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. But it's done, there is no undoing it now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd dump him.

I wouldn't feel like a priority to him & I wouldn't feel special or the only women in his mind. I would feel lied to & taken by a fake.

I wouldnt' be able to trust him,

so I would dump him.And find someone who values morals & honesty

DUMP HIM

he isn't worth another day of your life. Life is to short.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well you know what i did? ](*,)

I took them out of his back pack and threw them in the garbage.....

 

He hasn't found out yet, at least i don't think.....

 

It was yesterday and he's been the same ever since. Hapy, loving. I've have a hard time being myself. I knkow what i did was wrong. I had no right to go through his baag, but for some reason i knew they were in there.

 

I don't know what he'll do when he discovers them missing. b/c if he asks me if i took them, he'll blow his cover about his lie.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gosh, certainly I'd be PISSED.

 

I'm sorry... this guy sounds like a total hypocrite. You don't do that to someone you really care about... He may say mass about honesty and morals... but his actions are demonstrating the complete opposite thing.

 

What would you do if you "stumbled" accross naked pics of your boyfiends ex girlfriend, whom he wants very much to be friends with, but you have a prob with it b/c he left you to pursue her in the beginning of the relationship?

 

Well, I would send him to hell for sure. But that's me.

 

Good luck, Sherri, sorry that you're going thru that stupidity, is not fair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd dump him.

I wouldn't feel like a priority to him & I wouldn't feel special or the only women in his mind. I would feel lied to & taken by a fake.

I wouldnt' be able to trust him,

so I would dump him.And find someone who values morals & honesty

DUMP HIM

he isn't worth another day of your life. Life is to short.

 

I KNOW I KNOW!!!!

But my two girls call him Daddy... we have a dog and a house!!!!!!!!!

 

I am sooo frustrated, i am having a hard time acting as though nothing is wrong. He sure isnt!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you'll be able ot go on like this for long. He lied to you, betrayed you, and played you for a fool. I would dump him girl, if these nude pics of his ex gf are so important ot him. I would also be uncomfortable iwth the friendship if I was you, especially if he left you in the beginning to persue something with her. I would leave him. I would find someone who would respect me. How can this guy talk about marrying you and being with you but still keep naked pics of his ex and then lie about them? You won't be able to trust him again, and it's not fair for you to have to deal with that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would post them on the internet or send them to her parents. Very childish, I know, but at least I'm being honest.

 

You threw them away and that's better...he can't come ask you where his "nudie" pictures of his ex are.

 

The thing that gets me is he still talks to her. That is wrong in so many ways.

 

Easier said then done, but I would get out of this relationship.

 

When were the pictures taken?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd leave him. Probably laugh in his face. Tell him he can play games with somebody else, but hey, I am OUT. Then I'd probably have a good cry and wonder why I stayed with him as long as I did - after he had left me for that chick before. Then I'd realize that I took a chance bc I loved him, it didn't work out, and there's no point beating myself up about it or staying with a jerk bc of it. Then I'd go get a haircut and try to be happy again.

 

But hey, that's just me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not a lady but I'll speak up anyway...I don't think there's an issue with the naked pics themselves don't find anything wrong there, but it was very wrong for him to lie to you like that...if his only intention was to be friends and he kept them as good memories fine he should have told you just that...in this situation I don't think you can trust him not to cheat on you in the future, if he hasn't already that is...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I KNOW I KNOW!!!!

But my two girls call him Daddy... we have a dog and a house!!!!!!!!!

 

I am sooo frustrated, i am having a hard time acting as though nothing is wrong. He sure f*cking isnt!!!!

 

awww....really? kids involved...that' harder...I'm so sorry...

How long have you two been together? IS he friends with the ex? if it is a friendship he seeks with her, than why save memories of more?

 

Don't act like nothing is wrong. Something IS wrong! HE LIED about a terrible thing..... communicate it with him, let him know how you feel..dont' ignore this. they were in his backpac...that's pretty handy. ( not in a box in storage or something.) But regardless of where they were, he lied about even having them.

Most importantly......Do you trust him? & is he sorry..does he even see anything wrong?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you'll be able ot go on like this for long. He lied to you, betrayed you, and played you for a fool. I would dump him girl, if these nude pics of his ex gf are so important ot him. I would also be uncomfortable iwth the friendship if I was you, especially if he left you in the beginning to persue something with her. I would leave him. I would find someone who would respect me. How can this guy talk about marrying you and being with you but still keep naked pics of his ex and then lie about them? You won't be able to trust him again, and it's not fair for you to have to deal with that.

 

Yeah i know believe me when i say i know. The worst thing about it is.. We, or i thought we have moved forward a step the night before. We have been fighting alot. B/C of this friendship he wants with her, i have always felt that he wanted something more. But he threatened to leave, yelled and yelled at me tried to get it through my thick skull that all he wants is a friendship, (we even got into a fist fight and he ended up giving me 2 black eyes and bruises from top to bottom, i gave him a black eye too, im not trying to make him look bad, it takes two to tango right?), so everythign from the past 8 years wouldn't be lost. He was with her for 8 years, after they broke up, she screwed around with his b/f of 18 years and ruined that. They only reason why he forgave her and not his is cuz he lied about it and she told the truth.

He chose me, instead of her. He lost his career, everything. He says he feels sorry for her cuz she can't find a man (i think it's because she is 6 feet tall and hideous). He says that he wants nothing more for us to be friends and she really wants my frienship too.

 

Sorry, i got carried away there I was telling you about our fighting, andour break through. Well the week before we got into a huge fight, we were drinking with some friends, playing pool and dice, i got too drunk and blacked out apparently we were arguing at the table, i went to bed. But all i remember is him crawling into bed and curling up to him then he said,

"it's over, maybe you should go find someone as psycho as you"

I had no idea what was going on. Why he broke up with me, we got to arguing and i accused him of wanting her. He's had a picture taken of them at her sisters wedding last year in the cupboard of our dresser ever since, i got up and took the picture and ripped it to shreds and threw it at him.

THen i kicked him out of our bedroom and he slept in the basement.

We never spoke again until Saturday. He made up with me, telling me that he loves me and he would never speak to her again etc. We had a wonderful night, and next day.

Then monday hits and he gets mad at me all over again. I finally found out what we fought about on that first night. He said i was treating him like . i guess he asked me where something was and i replied "i don't know, go find it our self" THAT is what started everything.

Then on Wednesday he wrote me a letter andsaid that he needed to talk and work everything out or go our separate ways. Well on tuesday, i was doing my babys hair, (we still weren't on talking terms) and my other daughter lost him, apparently he was in the basement. later i went down there to do laundry and found a folder, a poem and a page of doodles with my name all over it. In the folder where these nude pics of the and the poem was written by him long ago when he was hurting for her.

 

Well thurs. night, we talked and made up. He brang up a time when i accused him of calling her, He said i never did, but i wanted too. Then i asked him if he was still going to talk to her. Well he had finally given up on the friendship about six weeks ago, he hasn't called her cuz he could see the damage it was doing to our rel. We got into this huge fight, cuz he said he was going to talk to her again. After us saying it was over, i came back and asked him nicely, i said " honey all i ask is that you please put some distance inbetween the calls, let me prove it to you that i can handle this friendship"

He said "of course baby, now that you ask like that, of course," "on one condition of mine also, is that you talk to her" He wants me to be friends with her. That says something doesn't it?

 

THen when we were going to bed. I asked him why he loved me, his reply was (half asleep) i just do. Then he muttered "i'd build you a green house so you could grow things" I lost it, b/c that is her hobby and job.....

Confronted him about the pics. He just blabbed yeah yeah whatever in his sedated state.

Then in the morning he said he didn't even know he still had those, that he was going to weed through his boxes and throw away what he doesn't want. I believe him, and he seemed sooo sincere, and scared that i was going to leave him... The next time we spoke at lunch he was super happy, told me that the pics were in the garbage and off to the dump(just happened to be garbage day) then he screwed my brians out on the couch.

 

I don't get it..............................

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd leave him. Probably laugh in his face. Tell him he can play games with somebody else, but hey, I am OUT. Then I'd probably have a good cry and wonder why I stayed with him as long as I did - after he had left me for that chick before. Then I'd realize that I took a chance bc I loved him, it didn't work out, and there's no point beating myself up about it or staying with a jerk bc of it. Then I'd go get a haircut and try to be happy again.

 

But hey, that's just me.

 

LOL i wish i could think like you. A haircut, thats so cute.

 

But to tell you the truth, this has hardened my heart, I have lost alot of respect for him. but i know when my heart cracks, a huge damn will break and i won't leave my room for weeks, i feel doomed, because i love him soo much. I can't even function at work after a fight with him my heart gets so heavy. All of my family doesn't like him, because he is possessive, i have to be home on time, when im not i get in sh*t, even when im just visiting my mom's. I'm not aloud to go out to the bars. I did last weekend after we "broke up" and boy did i hear about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow...it sounds like you have a lot more to deal with than just pictures.

 

You two are physically abusive towards each other. This relationship seems so unhealthy. There are mind games to go along with it...

 

I suggest you both see a couselor and it would probably be best for both of you as well as your children if you separate. That's just my opinion...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

awww....really? kids involved...that' harder...I'm so sorry...

How long have you two been together? IS he friends with the ex? if it is a friendship he seeks with her, than why save memories of more?

 

Don't act like nothing is wrong. Something IS wrong! HE LIED about a terrible thing..... communicate it with him, let him know how you feel..dont' ignore this. they were in his backpac...that's pretty handy. ( not in a box in storage or something.) But regardless of where they were, he lied about even having them.

Most importantly......Do you trust him? & is he sorry..does he even see anything wrong?

 

Hello,

We have been together for two and a half years, He stopped talking to her for the pst 6 weeks, b/c he could see the damage it was doing to us. She called 2x but i never answered once, she left a message, i erased it. The next she phoned from a weird #, thought it might be one of his other friends, i answered it and was cold to her. She asked me to tell him she called, but of course i didn't. I just don't know. Anything anymore. I know im hurt, but i know im not going to cry until its all over. I am to angry to cry. I just wanna get good and drunk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My favorite rapper would say: If he can't learn to love you should leave him, cause sista you don't need him, And I ain't tryin to gash out I just callem like I see em.

 

Your daughters may be attatched, but they don't have to live a unhappy life. Life goes on, kids are rezilient. Save your life and get rid of him. Don't let the day come when life is falling apart and your old and you regret that you didn't get out when you have the chance.

 

My grandmother got cheated on for 30 years, my grandpa died after about their 50 years being married together. Karma I guess, who knows. All she does is bring up him, and how he cheated, everyday. Being used by a man will only hurt you a little now. It will destoy you if you hold on and then find out you should have moved on in the first place 20 years down the road.

 

EDIT: I see people are talking about how you are being abusive as well. You need to know, your daughters could have their whole lives ruined if you are being selfish. They need YOUR love and care, or they won't grow up right. Don't through your energy away on trying to get some man to love you who wasn't raised right. It's not your fault, stop trying to change him, it's NOT going to happen. He is no prince charming, and prince charming isn't out there. There are just better men.

 

If you put this man ahead of your children, they grow up missing parts of their mothers nurishment, then that is your fault. Take care of what is important.

 

Read this: link removed

 

I think it's important you read the stages of development. I have seen kids thats parents faught as they were only babies, now 5 and 6, acting out in violent screaming and mimicing what there parents do: fight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

to find out that your b/f is capable of lieing to you so boldly in the face about something so important, especially when he is sooo GD righteous about everything he does and claims that honesty is one of his most important morals?

 

...not pretty! RUN GIRL! Run fast and hard in the other direction!

If you truly think he has a problem with lying (straight to your face bothers me) then dont think he will never do it again!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

haha...I took this class...lying 101 for seven years...not pretty! RUN GIRL! Run fast and hard in the other direction! My s/o lied to me in the beginning and has never stopped, in fact, he has found bigger and better ways of hiding his indiscretions from me.

 

If you truly think he has a problem with lying (straight to your face bothers me) then dont think he will never do it again!

 

Yep I agree

Darling, I know there are a lot of things holding you there. You kids, the house, the dog. But when it's not a healthy situation for you or your kids. it's time to drawn the line.

 

Between the lying to your face & the physical fights. the 2 black eyes, what are the kids learning?

 

In this type of relationship....Things don't get better, only worse.

RUN FAR & FAST.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

haha...I took this class...lying 101 for seven years...not pretty! RUN GIRL! Run fast and hard in the other direction! My s/o lied to me in the beginning and has never stopped, in fact, he has found bigger and better ways of hiding his indiscretions from me.

 

If you truly think he has a problem with lying (straight to your face bothers me) then dont think he will never do it again!

 

I know what you mean. Geeeez, i really thought he was honest up until now, b/c, he was so honest about her, and this friendship he wants. He was brutally honest. Thats why i don't get it.

 

Do you really think that he's still in love with her? If he was, why is he staying with me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep I agree

Darling, I know there are a lot of things holding you there. You kids, the house, the dog. But when it's not a healthy situation for you or your kids. it's time to drawn the line.

 

Between the lying to your face & the physical fights. the 2 black eyes, what are the kids learning?

 

In this type of relationship....Things don't get better, only worse.

RUN FAR & FAST.

 

 

Completely agree!!!!

Girl whether he loves her or not, who knows.

But I think it doesnt' have much to do with the reasons to get out of the relationship.

physical fights & lies. That's not healthy for you & especailly not for you children.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But seriously, its a question that i'd REALLY like opinions on, after reading my last long post,

 

Do any of you really think that he's in love with her?

 

and why on earth would he stay with me? Why would he want to marry me and for me to be friends with her too?

 

I know it sounds bad, our relationship. I can't really defend it now can i? BUT... It wasn't bad, there wasn't anything bad inbetween him choosing me in may and April of the next year, when he wanted to, and did contact her for her friendship. I have been very jealous about that. It caused all arguments. I thought when he agreed the other night to put distance between calls that it was all finally over. (They were calling eachother once a week and would talk for like 20 minutes, for me that was way too much) That we had moved past all that. WELL! LOL That really isn't the case now is it??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Accept and respect his past relationship.

 

If he left you for another woman in the beginning of the relationship and you took him back then you should have forgiven him for that. You can't hold these things over his head.

 

The reason he told you those photos were thrown away is because he wanted to avoid conflict. It probably wasn't a wise move for him to be carrying these photos with him at all times, but regardless you throwing them away didn't solve the trust issue you have with him.

 

So you threw them away. What did that really accomplish? Did it really make you feel better? You knew it was wrong before you did it and you chose to do wrong. I know this can't make you feel relieved.

 

It sounds like you need to start trusting him and forgive him for the past, or break it off with him. Keeping someone around who you don't trust or don't feel secure with is only going to weaken the relationship you've got with him. So, you really need to make a decision. I know you can't possibly be happy playing spy your whole life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...