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Nice teacher...mistrusting student. what to do?


GoneAgain
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For those who don't know about this read my second thread.... here:

 

I saw my teacher yesterday....he is my US History teacher. He was nice, but of course I never talked to him, I was scared to talk to him. But I saw him yesterday while I was out. It was really late at night! More like really early in the morning actually. I was just walking, avoiding my father at the house so I was just walking around. I went to the town center (the mall) and just went in the stores that where open. That's where I saw him.

 

He was nice, he stopped asked how I was, what I was doing, etc. Just chit-chat. My response was normal too, "I'm fine, nothing just browsing, etc".

 

I asked why he was out so late that night? or morning? I don't know. I was just curious because we had school in like 5 hours and I thought it was strange to see him out that late. I mean it was a grocery store so no place that's strange. Anyways he just said he had to run and get something for his wife (married no kids). Then of course he asked why I was out so late......concerned?

 

I couldn't think of anything right at that time so I said "No reason.....just wondering around" ](*,)

 

Of course he seemed even more concerned considering the bruises and a black eye I had. (It's all explained in the link I posted at the top). He then asked if I was ok, I said yea a little too automatically (

 

He then began to do something.....he said something along the lines of if anyone or anything was..."not right" then if I needed to I could always talk to him about it and he'd help me. Also said I was a wonderful student and that I really deserved to be treated good.

 

I'm sure he was really trying to be nice and was concerned, but I can't help that it made me even more nervous. I'm not use to that! When people show that much concern or generosity I take the side of caution and just think they have bad intentions or alterior motives and don't really mean it. ](*,) I mean he's a great teacher, he really does care about his students I think, but then I felt bad about missing an oppurtunity to get help. And kinda like I was being deceitful. ](*,)

 

I just don't know how I'm suppose to take it?? I mean would a normal person take it?

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Teachers get into the field for one thing to help educate the young minds of the world. Why?, because they care about students. To do that they need to be sure the student is treated well and is ready to learn. Your teacher is required to look out for signs of abuse. You have bruises and a black eye, those are signs of abuse. He sounds concerned for you. Usually when a teacher sees a student out late like you were they tend to get concerned. Add with signs of abuse=major concern. You probably know all this. I would take him on his word. Find some comfort that there is an adult who wants whats best for you. He is standing at an open door for you.

 

I'll pray for your situation. Thats what I can do. Hope it gets better.

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Teachers get into the field for one thing to help educate the young minds of the world. Why?, because they care about students. To do that they need to be sure the student is treated well and is ready to learn. Your teacher is required to look out for signs of abuse. You have bruises and a black eye, those are signs of abuse. He sounds concerned for you. Usually when a teacher sees a student out late like you were they tend to get concerned. Add with signs of abuse=major concern. You probably know all this. I would take him on his word. Find some comfort that there is an adult who wants whats best for you. He is standing at an open door for you.

 

I'll pray for your situation. Thats what I can do. Hope it gets better.

 

I know it just seems very strange to me! All my teachers have seen the bruises before, none ask about it. None care at all! And the ones who do look just look away, and don't ever bring it up. It just seems weird that he would care at all. Like I said in class I don't talk to him at all unless it's for an assignment and that isn't much at all!

 

So it doesn't seem weird to anyone else? If not what do you thik he would be able to do? I mean I don't want things to get worse! He would be required to tell the school wouldn't he?

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I do not find it strange at all.

 

He sees you injured out late at night, and wants to make sure you are ok.

 

If anything, I would feel flattered that he cared so much about my well-being.

 

He is not required to tell the school unless you are in imminent danger.

 

Hang in there.

 

Rose

 

Ok, sorry for all the stupid questions, but what would be considered "Imminent danger"?

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Teachers are not only licensed to teach but they are also trained in recognizing abuse in the household. And your black eye and bruises are evident enough for him to be genuinely concerned. Take this as a golden opportunity for you to reach out and get help, for you and your brother. There is nothing strange or weird about someone who sincerely wants to help you - because you've already established a connection with him (he your teacher and you his student), he'll have your best interest at heart.

What are you so afraid of? You are a brave, brave soul to have endured the mental abuse from your father - you are also brave enough to get out of your situation if you really wanted to.

My best wishes.

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I'm afraid he won't have my best intentions at heart, that he'll just take advantage of me I know that sounds stupid. I guess I'm also afraid it will make things worse, that after the school knows there will be social workers and then cops and a big mess that leads to nothing. That after all of that they will just say they can't do anything and it will make him mad.

 

He is a nice guy as far as I can tell though...........I guess I'll have to take a leap of faith. (Not my strong suit)

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I agree with SunKissed.

 

Here is your chance to get help.

 

I know things seem really scary right now but this is your opportunity to solve this dangerous situation.

 

He only has your best interest at hand and could contact a social service worker to help you.

 

Then your father would think that the person was contacted without you telling anyone.

 

I think that's something you are worried about, so it wouldn't be you reporting him, it would be your teacher and the social worker.

 

Please get out of this situation if you can, it's only going to keep taking it's toll on you.

 

I don't want to see you getting hurt more.

 

Hugs, Rose

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I'm afraid he won't have my best intentions at heart, that he'll just take advantage of me I know that sounds stupid. I guess I'm also afraid it will make things worse, that after the school knows there will be social workers and then cops and a big mess that leads to nothing. That after all of that they will just say they can't do anything and it will make him mad.

 

It will lead to some sort of solution, social workers are very keen on solving these type of problems on a daily basis.

 

It might be a good idea to talk to him to get the ball rolling.

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I agree with SunKissed.

 

Here is your chance to get help.

 

I know things seem really scary right now but this is your opportunity to solve this dangerous situation.

 

He only has your best interest at hand and could contact a social service worker to help you.

 

Then your father would think that the person was contacted without you telling anyone.

 

I think that's something you are worried about, so it wouldn't be you reporting him, it would be your teacher and the social worker.

 

Please get out of this situation if you can, it's only going to keep taking it's toll on you.

 

I don't want to see you getting hurt more.

 

Hugs, Rose

 

That and I'm afraid he'll hurt my brother as well, he knows I try to protect him. If I told him and he reported it and then they had social workers get involved and police and all and found it was a dangerous situation to be in what would they do? I mean I'm 18 so they wouldn't put me in a foster home or any orphanage or anything like that right?? What about my brother (16)? Any clue's on possible things that would happen???

 

I know they are suppose to make things safer, but I wouldlike to know what to expect....what I'm getting myself into before I leap.

 

It will lead to some sort of solution, social workers are very keen on solving these type of problems on a daily basis.

 

It might be a good idea to talk to him to get the ball rolling.

 

Ok, you're right, I know you're right it's just..... Not easy. I mean here no one knows me or knows where I am or has to see me every day so it's easier to talk about it here. In real life it's just not something I talk to or like to talk about. It's hard.

 

I don't know why other teachers haven't reported the abuse to the police. In my high school teachers did report abuse.

 

I know some teachers "knew" but non of them ever said anything to me about it nor did they report it to authorities of the school *not that I knew of at least* I've actually never heard of any of the teachers doing anything like that so I don't know.

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I understand your hesitation. Opening up to a stranger is very uncomfortable especially when you have your mistrust and don't want to burden them with your problems. But here's an opportunity for you - you either seize it or you'll forever just become another statistic that can't get out of an abusive home.

I really fear for you and your brother's emotional safety. And can't tell you exactly what will happen if the system gets involved but I can guarantee you that you and your brother will probably be better off away from your abusive father.

Don't you want the freedom of knowing that you can come home to peace and quiet? And that your life is not always in danger?

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I think that you should take a chance and tell the teacher.

 

Or even ask the teacher what you should do. Tell him what you have told us here. Tell him about your brother too and how your father screams and yells and hits you both. Tell him about the boiling hot water that he poured on your brother.

 

 

 

My mom was abusive when I was growing up. I didnt really stand up to her till I was in my 20s. The last time she hit me I was 25. She died when I was 26, and Im 28 now. Tell someone. Get out. Do not let him do this to you. You deserve better.

 

I know how that feels to not know what to do and to not know how to get out. The teacher can help you.

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I haven't told the teacher yet I chickened out. But I did talk with him for a bit....that was nice and he was really nice. But I still just couldn't tell him ......IDK, maybe next time.

 

 

 

I do, but it's......hard. lol I've said that before I know. It's just it's different.....I mean I can avoid my father for the most part, but I don't know what will happen if I tell someone. You said yourself you can't tell me what would happen. In my post about my father I said I had just come back from painting a place for homeless kids...most of those kids where in worse situation then me. It could be worse I guess. I'll still try and get out of the house though.

 

 

 

I just don't want to make the wrong choice! I know that sounds stupid...it should be obvious right? But it's just doesn't seem so clear cut to me right now. If I tell my teacher and he get's the authorities involved and they can't do anything or much then it just makes the situation worse. If I tell and my father get's to me or my brother before they do anything I don't even want to think what could happen.

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