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Soul Shattered


blueangel
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We silently struggle now

Separately with our lives

Bitterness rests in the shadows of fights

Inside my own self, I hide

 

Because with me, you refused to try

Stubborn ways neglect to have a pace

And always instead you run away

It's conquered this heart

Torn it apart

So cold, it's old- how did it start?

 

True needs left unsaid

Smiles never shed-

There were only tears

I'd disappear

And you were scared of that.

 

Blaming me for all that I'm not

Targeting the shell of my soul

Not the heart

 

Breaking, burying all these things

There's so much pain some people can bring

But I'll gain myself back- take a stronger step

I'll free myself from the act that you kept- going....

 

This person's changed

From all the blame

After it all came

And when I left

Nothing remains unslain

 

I feel your absense- I feel some love

But I have to admit that it's not enough

To stick around and figure you out

I'll love from afar

even through this dark scar

And maybe one day, I'll forgive you

Sometimes I think I understand you

 

You were a soul shattered

When the moment mattered

And couldn't fix yourself in time for me

Mother to father to daughter to sky

We pass on how we live our life.

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The style is my own-I rhyme the words to a beat inside my head. I sing while I'm writing WHAT I'm writing.

 

I'm glad you all say you like my writing though I'm disappointed in the comments. That's poetry though. You get, "Oh I like this!" but the content of the poem remains untouched by your words. Well, I'm glad it made you feel something for the moment. Wa- hoo! Too bad no one knows how to write reviews. If you don't put any time into your comments- OMG, don't bother. They just bore! AHAHAHAHA! (It's really early for me right now. I feel like I'm on crack or something.)

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ewwwwww touchy touchy artist we are.

 

The style reminds me of a friend of mine. He writes... wrote.... poetry to me all the time. Your poem touched me very much...on a personal level. Not only because of the style...but the choice of words "FITS" the situations that I am in. Beyond that... I can't comment. Its too personal.

 

Suffice to say... I found it a good poem, because it spoke to me personally. And that... is what GREAT writing and poetry is all about, when the reader can make it their own.

 

You savvy??

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ewwwwww touchy touchy artist we are.

 

The style reminds me of a friend of mine. He writes... wrote.... poetry to me all the time. Your poem touched me very much...on a personal level. Not only because of the style...but the choice of words "FITS" the situations that I am in. Beyond that... I can't comment. Its too personal.

 

Suffice to say... I found it a good poem, because it spoke to me personally. And that... is what GREAT writing and poetry is all about, when the reader can make it their own.

 

You savvy??

 

Good enough! I like critical advice the best, I think. I'm weird.

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hey, long time no see (sorry if you find that comment trite).

 

The style is my own-I rhyme the words to a beat inside my head. I sing while I'm writing WHAT I'm writing.

 

that's how i usually write poetry, too. it's hard to convey the meter sometimes, isn't it?

 

i knew that i would like this when i saw who had authored it. i guess i'm used to your intense depth and your mastery of the language from reading some of your prosaic posts, but your sparing use of rhyme here - bravissimo.

 

if it's constructive criticism you're after, i can offer only this: you might consider pluralizing the final word of the poem. for me, the singular "life" stands out against an otherwise perfect piece, and not in a wabi-sabi way.

 

EDIT: i also would have said "struggle silently", as opposed to "silently struggle". but that might be just a matter of style.

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hey, long time no see (sorry if you find that comment trite).

 

 

 

that's how i usually write poetry, too. it's hard to convey the meter sometimes, isn't it?

 

i knew that i would like this when i saw who had authored it. i guess i'm used to your intense depth and your mastery of the language from reading some of your prosaic posts, but your sparing use of rhyme here - bravissimo.

 

if it's constructive criticism you're after, i can offer only this: you might consider pluralizing the final word of the poem. for me, the singular "life" stands out against an otherwise perfect piece, and not in a wabi-sabi way.

 

EDIT: i also would have said "struggle silently", as opposed to "silently struggle". but that might be just a matter of style.

 

Thanks! What you said was most fulfilling. Yeah, I like critisism a lot...just the mindset of it is fun... too bad I don't follow it though.

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I think it tells a story, is it your story or some personal experience you had with someone? Then I kept coming back to the last line of your poem...

We pass on how we live our life.

It really got me thinking about my own life and what was passed on to me by my parents and what I dont want to pass on to my own children. I found your poem really thought provoking.

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Ok i shall admit i don't know how to write reviews but i do like saying what i like in peoples work and basically why i like it.

 

I'm with the others... I love the way you write your poetry. The wording you use. The feeling you create in your work is awesome. I likee the way you change it slightly.

 

As for challenging you... I can't because i think its a great poem and personally i don't like suggesting things into other peoples work because i believe with all the creative stuff that it should be personal and come from the writers heart and i have no right to say what is or isnt good really...

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I think it tells a story, is it your story or some personal experience you had with someone? Then I kept coming back to the last line of your poem...

 

It really got me thinking about my own life and what was passed on to me by my parents and what I dont want to pass on to my own children. I found your poem really thought provoking.

 

Oh, good!

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